Apocrypha

Axon Clips Chapter 4: Difference between revisions

From Halopedia, the Halo wiki

(Updated with new information)
Tag: Disambiguation links
 
(90 intermediate revisions by 23 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
{{Status|Apocrypha}}
{{AxonClips}}
{{AxonClips}}
==Kamal==


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/dark_genius.wav dark_genius]   
'''Axon Clips Chapter 4''' is the fourth chapter in the [[I love bees|I Love Bees]] audio drama. It takes place during the second week of September, [[2552]].


Aiden: Well I'll be damned... Kamal! Just the guy I wanted to see.<BR>
{{TOCright}}
Kamal: Oh no, Aiden. Hey. What are the odds?<BR>
==Kamal: "Totally Legitimate Business"==
Aiden: Too late to get a beer?<BR>
*[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/surveillance_archive/week4_subject3.wav Audio Compilation 5min 35sec]
Waitress: No, sugar, you got 15 minutes to spare.<BR>
Aiden: Ok one for me, one for him. Whatever's good.<BR>
Kamal: I don't want a beer.<BR>
Aiden: Sure you do.<BR>
Kamal: No I don't.<BR>
Aiden: Kamal, come on! Hey, I like the way that sounds. Kamal, come on! Kamal, come on! Never mind. I hate drinking by myself. Have a beer with me. I'm buying. I'll buy you a burger too.<BR>
Kamal: Well...<BR>
Aiden: That's my dark genius of the vid-stream(?).<BR>
Waitress: Two beers, coming right up.<BR>


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/drink_the_beer.wav drink_the_beer]
===Dark genius===
{{Listen|title=Dark genius
|filename=ILB Dark_genius.ogg
}}
'''[[Aiden Maki|Aiden]]:''' Well, I'll be damned... Kamal! Just the guy I wanted to see.<br />
'''[[Kamal Zaman|Kamal]]:''' Oh no, Aiden. Hey. What are the odds?<br />
'''Aiden:''' Too late to get a [[list of food and drinks|beer]]?<br />
'''Waitress:''' No, sugar, you got 15 minutes to spare.<br />
'''Aiden:''' Okay, one for me, one for him. Whatever's good.<br />
'''Kamal:''' I don't want a beer.<br />
'''Aiden:''' Sure you do.<br />
'''Kamal:''' No I don't.<br />
'''Aiden:''' Kamal, come on! Hey, I like the way that sounds. Kamal, come on! Kamal, come on! Never mind. I hate drinking by myself. Have a beer with me. I'm buying. I'll buy you a burger too.<br />
'''Kamal:''' Well...<br />
'''Aiden:''' That's my dark genius of the vid-stream(?).<br />
'''Waitress:''' Two beers, coming right up.<br />


Aiden: So, I have a friend who has this problem.<BR>
===Drink the beer===
Kamal: No.<BR>
{{Listen|title=Drink the beer
Aiden: Kamal. So how are your parents? I can help them, you know.<BR>
|filename=ILB Drink the beer.ogg
Kamal: I know.<BR>
}}
Aiden: Come on, Kamal, this friend of mine is totally on the up and up.<BR>
'''Aiden:''' So, I have a friend who has this problem.<br />
Waitress: Your beers.<BR>
'''Kamal:''' No.<br />
Kamal: From where?<BR>
'''Aiden:''' Kamal. So how are your parents? I can help them, you know.<br />
Aiden: ...pays taxes even.<BR>
'''Kamal:''' I know.<br />
Kamal: (drinks) You drink this stuff?<BR>
'''Aiden:''' Come on, Kamal, this friend of mine is totally on the up and up.<br />
Aiden: Legitimate businessman seeking dark handsome techno-guru for discreet assistance and long moonlight walk.<BR>
'''Waitress:''' Your beers.<br />
Kamal: I hate Earth beer.<BR>
'''Kamal:''' From where?<br />
Aiden: And like I said, this thing with your parents? That's where I come in.<BR>
'''Aiden:''' ...pays taxes even.<br />
Kamal: Look, the last time I tried to help you, I had half the--<BR>
'''Kamal:''' ''(drinks)'' You drink this stuff?<br />
Aiden: The beer gets better after a few sips, Kamal, I promise. And you know what, its all you've got.<BR>
'''Aiden:''' Legitimate businessman seeking dark handsome techno-guru for discreet assistance and long moonlit walks.<br />
Kamal: Why do you keep asking me? Does Sophia talk about my--<BR>
'''Kamal:''' I hate Earth beer.<br />
Aiden: Drink the beer, Kamal.<BR>
'''Aiden:''' And like I said, this thing with your parents? That's where I come in.<br />
Kamal: (drinks) What kind of business?<BR>
'''Kamal:''' Look, the last time I tried to help you, I had half the--<br />
'''Aiden:''' The beer gets better after a few sips, Kamal, I promise. And you know what, its all you've got.<br />
'''Kamal:''' Why do you keep asking me? Does Sophia talk about my--<br />
'''Aiden:''' ''(forcefully)'' Drink the beer, Kamal.<br />
'''Kamal:''' ''(drinks)'' What kind of business?<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/knee_caps.wav knee_caps] 
===Knee caps===
{{Listen|title=Knee caps
|filename=ILB Knee caps.ogg
}}
'''Aiden:''' Welcome to the tastefully appointed security control room. The nerve center if you will, of the [[Apollonian Temple Casino]]. My name is Aiden Maki--<br />
'''[[Forihoff|Mr. F]]:''' --Cut the crap, Aiden.<br />
'''Aiden:''' ...And I'll be your in-flight host this evening.<br />
'''Mr. F:''' You can see the guys you want on monitors 3, 11 and 16. So remind me again, why can't we break these bastards' knees, and drop them in a canal where the freaking sewer crabs eat?<br />
'''Aiden:''' Mr. F, it just makes your business... your ''totally legitimate tax-paying business''... look bad when college kids start turning up all dead and everything.<br />
'''Kamal:''' Aiden!<br />
'''Aiden:''' Kamal is going to take care of the situation.<br />
'''Kamal:''' Aiden?<br />
'''Aiden:''' What?<br />
'''Kamal:''' I'm not doing this.<br />
'''Aiden:''' Not doing what?<br />
'''Kamal:''' Not doing anything involving knee caps, or canals, or...<br />
'''Mr. F:''' Oh, this is touching<br />
'''Kamal:''' ...decomposing bodies.<br />


Aiden: Welcome to the tastefully appointed security control room. The nerve center if you will, of the Apollonian Temple Casino. My name is Aiden Maki--<BR>
===Hard bargain===
Mr.F: --Cut the crap Aiden.<BR>
{{Listen|title=Hard bargain
Aiden: ...And I'll be your in-flight host this evening.<BR>
|filename=ILB Hard bargain.ogg
Mr.F: You can see the guys you want on monitors 3, 11 and 16. So remind me again, why can't we break this bastard's knees, and drop them in a canal where the freaking sewer crabs eat?<BR>
}}
Aiden: Mr.F it just makes your business. Your totally legitimate tax-paying business looked bad when college kids started turning up all dead and everything.<BR>
'''Aiden:''' Excuse us, Mr. F. ''(to Kamal)'' All the man wants to find out is what they're doing.<br />
Kamal: Aiden!<BR>
'''Kamal:''' So he can what, write his memoirs? You said this was all legal!<br />
Aiden: Kamal is going to take care of the situation.<BR>
'''Aiden:''' I haven't asked you to do anything illegal, have I?<br />
Kamal: Aiden?<BR>
'''Kamal:''' Didn't you hear what he said? He was--<br />
Aiden: What?<BR>
'''Aiden:''' --But the whole killing thing will only happen if you don't help. And even that's worst-case scenario.<br />
Kamal: I'm not doing this.<BR>
'''Mr. F:''' Actually, that wouldn't be the worst case. The worst case would be if we went down to--<br />
Aiden: Not doing what?<BR>
'''Aiden:''' No-no-no-no... Just hear me out, Kamal. Mr.F shows you what they're doing, and you tell him how they're doing it.<br />
Kamal: Not doing anything involving knee caps, or canals, or...<BR>
'''Kamal:''' Okay, but no kneecaps right? No canals... just, explanations.<br />
Mr.F: Oh this is touching<BR>
'''Aiden:''' Mr.F?<br />
Kamal: ...decomposing bodies.<BR>
'''Mr. F:''' Explanations are nice.<br />
'''Kamal:''' And if I do this I want visas. No more happy talk, I want my family on their way here and I want it now!<br />
'''Aiden:''' Whew! You drive a hard bargain, my friend.<br />
'''Kamal/Mr. F:''' Cut the crap, Aiden!<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/hard_bargain.wav hard_bargain]   
===In each pit===
{{Listen|title=In each pit
|filename=ILB_In_each_pit.ogg
}}
'''Aiden:''' Okay, from here we can monitor the whole casino floor.<br />
'''Mr. F:''' See the blackjack tables here. There's 6 of them in each pit, and the managers rotate the dealers every 20 minutes.<br />
'''Aiden:''' The 5 people highlighted here are counting cards.<br />
'''Kamal:''' How do you know they're counting cards?<br />
'''Mr. F:''' Because they win too much.<br />
'''Aiden:''' The question is, ''how'' are they cheating?<br />
'''Mr. F:''' They don't stay at the same table. They don't move around in any predictable pattern. We could just take them off the tables and leave them in a ditch. Why did you say we shouldn't do that again?<br />
'''Aiden:''' But, it would really be better if they understood how they were, uh...<br />
'''Mr. F:''' ...screwing me.


Aiden:  Excuse us Mr.F. (to Kamal) All the man wants to find out is what they're doing.<BR>
===Twenty percent===
Kamal: So he can what, write his memoires? You said this was all legal!<BR>
{{Listen|title=Twenty percent
Aiden: I haven't asked you to do anything Illegal, have I?<BR>
|filename=ILB_Twenty_percent.ogg
Kamal: Didn't you hear what he said? He was--<BR>
}}
Aiden: --But the whole killing thing will only happen if you don't help. And even that's worst case scenario.<BR>
'''Mr. F:''' We've got archives of all their plays in the last 10 days. Figure out how they're screwing me...<br />
Mr.F: Actually, that wouldn't be the worst case. The worst case would be if we went down to--<BR>
'''Aiden:''' Whaddaya say?<br />
Aiden: No-no-no-no... Just hear me out, Kamal. Mr.F shows you what they're doing, and you tell him how they're doing it.<BR>
'''Mr. F:''' Figure it out, please...?<br />
Kamal: Ok, but no kneecaps right? No canals... just, explanations.<BR>
'''Kamal:''' I think he was talking to me.<br />
Aiden: Mr.F?<BR>
'''Aiden:''' See this number? That's how much we figure these kids have taken out of the casino.<br />
Mr.F: Explanations are nice.<BR>
'''Mr. F:''' You get it back for me, 20% of its yours.<br />
Kamal: And if I do this I want Visas. No more happy talk, I want my family on their way here and I want it now!<BR>
'''Kamal:''' Oh, wow...<br />
Aiden: Whew! You drive a hard bargain, my friend.<BR>
'''Aiden:''' Trust me. If all these guys lose is their money, you'll be doing them a huge favor.<br />
Kamal/Mr.F: Cut the crap Aiden!<BR>
'''Mr. F:''' Trust him.<br />
'''Aiden:''' Oh, check out table 9. Camera's looking right down her dress!<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/in_each_pit.wav in_each_pit]  
===Uvular implants===
{{Listen|title=Uvular implants
|filename=ILB_Uvular_implants.ogg
}}
'''Kamal:''' Thanks for the ride<br />
'''[[Sophia Bossedon|Sophia]]:''' No problem, Aiden gets these business emergencies sometimes.<br />
'''Kamal:''' I'm exhausted...<br />
'''Sophia:''' Did I see a new chatter tonight?<br />
'''Kamal:''' Yeah, I won it in a raffle. It's fine too, makes my old one look like a payphone.<br />
'''Sophia:''' A payphone?<br />
'''Kamal:''' Ancient piece of crappy hardware, half of them wouldn't even take incoming calls, no GPS... never mind.<br />
'''Sophia:''' Aiden was getting a little worried. He promised Forihoff he would figure out what those guys were doing, but he was beginning to have doubts.<br />
'''Kamal:''' Oh, the casino, yeah. This pack of grad students from [[Stanford University|Stanford]] is working on private CP channels, but vocalizing through KKI Uvular implants.<br />
'''Sophia:''' Oooo, uvular implants...<br />


Aiden:  Ok, from here we can monitor the whole casino floor.<BR>
===Slingbacks===
Mr.F: See the blackjack tables here. There's 6 of them in each pit, and the managers rotate the dealers every 20 minutes.<BR>
{{Listen|title=Slingbacks
Aiden: The 5 people highlighted here are counting cards.<BR>
|filename=ILB_Slingbacks.ogg
Kamal: How do you know they're counting cards?<BR>
}}
Mr.F: Because they win too much.<BR>
'''Kamal:''' He's not even counting the cards himself. He's got a tally running on a corneal... but... you really don't care do you...<br />
Aiden: The question is, how are they cheating?<BR>
'''Sophia:''' Uh-uh. Which do you think looks better on me? Slingbacks or Turkish flats?<br />
Mr.F: They don't stay at the same table. They don't move around in any predictable pattern. We could just take them off the tables and leave them in a ditch. Why did you say we shouldn't do that again?<BR>
'''Kamal:''' What?<br />
Aiden: But, it would really be better if they understood how they were uh...<BR>
'''Sophia:''' I bet Aiden a new pair of shoes that you would figure the casino thing out.<br />
Mr.F: ...screwing me.  
'''Kamal:''' You bet Aiden a new pair of shoes?<br />
'''Sophia:''' Don't get indignant. I'm letting you pick the shoes.<br />
'''Kamal:''' God, Aiden and his business. If I were him, I wouldn't give a damn about any business emergencies when I could be with you instead.<br />
'''Sophia:''' Kamal...<br />
'''Kamal:''' Slingbacks! Definitely slingbacks.  


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/twenty_percent.wav twenty_percent]
===So dense===
{{Listen|title=So dense
|filename=ILB_So_dense.ogg
}}
'''Kamal:''' Those are the ones with buckles right?<br />
'''Sophia:''' There was no business emergency.<br />
'''Kamal:''' What?<br />
'''Sophia:''' God, you are so dense sometimes.<br />
'''Kamal:''' I don't understand.<br />
'''Sophia:''' He had me drive you home because he knows you like that. Aiden likes to keep his people happy.<br />
'''Kamal:''' Do the shoes make you happy? The jewelry?<br />
'''Sophia:''' Mostly, Aiden makes me happy. As for the rest of it, I've been poor, you know. There's no glamor in waiting tables.<br />
'''Kamal:''' Okay.<br />
'''Sophia:''' What? All things being equal, life is better when you're not broke.<br />
'''Kamal:''' I was just figuring that out.<br />


MR.F We've got archives of all their plays in the last 10 days. Figure out how they're screwing me...<BR>
==Jan: "Big Dog"==
Aiden: Whaddya say?<BR>
*[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/surveillance_archive/week4_subject2.wav Audio Compilation 8min 24sec]
Mr.F: Figure it out, please...?<BR>
===Hey Bev===
Kamal: I think he was talking to me.<BR>
{{Listen|title=Hey Bev
Aiden: See this number? That's how much we figure these kids have taken out of the casino.<BR>
|filename=ILB_Hey_bev.ogg
Mr.F: You get it back for me, 20% of it's yours.<BR>
}}
Kamal: Oh, wow...<BR>
'''Bev:''' Hello... And welcome to Hot'n'Cold... Please, place your thumb on the transaction plate.<br />
Aiden: Trust me. If all these guys lose is their money, you'll be doing them a huge favour.<BR>
'''[[Janissary James|Jan]]:''' Hey Bev, you are looking great... Have you lost weight?<br />
Mr.F: Trust him.<BR>
'''Bev:''' Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. What beverage can I offer you?<br />
Aiden: Oh, check out table 9. Camera's looking right down her dress!<BR>
'''Jan:''' Coffee, black, two sugars.<br />
'''Bev:''' Gladly, Miss James<br />
'''Jan:''' You know, I saw the candy machine across the room eyeing you again...<br />
'''Bev:''' Thank you! Can I interest you in a snack food?<br />
'''Jan:''' I know! And the way his 'Out of Stock' button flashes is so cute!<br />
'''Bev:''' Thank you! My inventory is replenished Mondays and Fridays...<br />
'''Jan:''' Well, you'll want to make your move soon sister, I hear the fire suppression system here really puts out...<br />
'''Bev:''' Thank you!<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/uvular_implants.wav uvular_implants] 
===Such pigs===
{{Listen|title=Such pigs
|filename=ILB_Such_pigs.ogg
}}
'''Jan:''' Well you sure don't want to lose them to that slutty cash register do ya?<br />
'''Bev:''' Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. Enjoy your beverage.<br />
'''Jan:''' Oh Bev, you kidder! How about tomorrow you buy?<br />
'''Bev:''' Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question.
(sits and drinks)<br />
'''[[Paolo]]:''' Hey, uh, excuse me? Look I know this is kind of weird, but uh...<br />
'''Jan:''' Hey, I need a guy's opinion.<br />
'''Paolo:''' Ya?<br />
'''Jan:''' Be honest with me here. You see that coffee dispenser?<br />
'''Paolo:''' Yeah?<br />
'''Jan:''' Would you go out with her?<br />
'''Paolo:''' Uh...<br />
'''Jan:''' She's too heavy right?<br />
'''Paolo:''' No, uh. I mean, uh...<br />
'''Jan: '''Mhm... men are such pigs.<br />


Kamal: Thanks for the ride<BR>
===Optical===
Sofia: No problem, Aiden gets these business emergencies sometimes.<BR>
{{Listen|title=Optical
Kamal: I'm exhausted...<BR>
|filename=ILB_Optical.ogg
Sofia: Did I see a new chatter tonight?<BR>
}}
Kamal: Yeah, won it in a raffle. It's fine too, makes my old one look like a payphone.<BR>
'''Paolo: '''Look, you're the girl that was at Sharfie's last week aren't you?<br />
Sofia: A payphone?<BR>
'''Jan:''' Never heard of it. Are we done?<br />
Kamal: Ancient piece of crappy hardware, half of them wouldn't even take incoming calls, no GPS... never mind.<BR>
'''Paolo:''' Hey! I need help! I know you're the kind of person who helps. I was there, I saw it, so, you know, don't pretend you're just like them.<br />
Sofia: Aiden was getting a little worried. He promised Forihoff he would figure out what those guys were doing, but he was beginning to have doubts.<BR>
'''Jan:''' (sarcastically) Maybe last week was the pretending...<br />
Kamal: Oh, the casino, yeah. This pack of grad students from Stanford is working on private CP channels, but vocalizing through KKI Uvular implants.<BR>
'''Paolo:''' So keep pretending.<br />
Sofia: Oooo, uvular implants...<BR>
'''Jan:''' Sit down.<br />
'''Paolo:''' Buddy of mine, [[Gene Lindsey]], goes by the name Optical these days. We've been hanging out with these guys and, uh, Gene's in pretty deep you know, he's in um..<br />
'''Jan:''' Trouble?<br />
'''Paolo:''' Yeah.<br />
'''Jan:''' So, your friend wants to move up in the world.<br />
'''Paolo:''' Well they want to let him, but first he's got to...<br />
'''Jan:''' Finish 8th grade?<br />
'''Paolo:''' Prove himself. He has to do something they can hold over him forever.<br />
'''Jan:''' Ah, this'll be fun.<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/slingbacks.wav slingbacks] 
===Box of chocolates===
{{Listen|title=Box of chocolates
|filename=ILB_Box_of_chocolates.ogg
}}
'''Gene:''' Pardon me, miss.<br />
'''Victim:''' Excuse me?<br />
'''Gene:''' You dropped something.<br />
'''Victim:''' Hey...! What are you...?! What are you... LET GO!<br />
'''Gene:''' Don't scream, don't make a sound.<br />
'''Victim:''' I-I... I promise...<br />
'''Jan:''' Hey stud! How bout some flowers first?<br />
(victim is struggling)<br />
'''Gene:''' Screw you.<br />
'''Jan:''' Myself, I like a box of chocolates and a man who's not afraid to cry. You're not afraid to cry, are you? Gene?<br />


Kamal: He's not even counting the cards himself. He's got a tally running on a corneal... but... you really don't care do you...<BR>
===Mr. Congeniality===
Sofia: Uh-uh. Which do you think looks better on me? Slingbacks or Turkish flats?
{{Listen|title=Mr. Congeniality
Kamal: What?<BR>
|filename=ILB_Mr_congeniality.ogg
Sofia: I bet Aiden a new pair of shoes that you would figure the casino thing out.<BR>
}}
Kamal: You bet Aiden a new pair of shoes?<BR>
'''Gene:''' Who the hell are you?<br />
Sofia: Don't get indignant. I'm letting you pick the shoes.<BR>
'''Victim:''' Please, please call the police!<br />
Kamal: God, Aiden and his business. If I were him, I wouldn't give a damn about any business emergencies when I could be with you instead.<BR>
'''Gene:''' Shut up!<br />
Sofia: Kamal...<BR>
'''Jan:''' See, there's just no chemistry here. It's time to let her go, Gene.<br />
Kamal: Slingbacks! Definitely slingbacks.
'''Gene:''' Look, they said I need a girl for this thing. Is this another test?<br />
'''Jan:''' Oh it's like the bonus round, stud. Let her go, dance with me. What? Don't you like what you see?<br />
'''Gene:''' Hm, I am at my best in the bonus round baby.<br />
'''Gene:''' Here's your consolation prize. (lets the woman go)<br />
'''Victim: '''(whispers) Thank you, (sobbing) Oh god!<br />
'''Jan:''' I know, I know, it's over now. Get on home. I'll finish up with Mr.Congeniality.<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/so_dense.wav so_dense]
===Big dog===
{{Listen|title=Big dog
|filename=ILB_Big_dog.ogg
}}
'''Gene:''' That was real nice what you did for that lady. Not real smart, but nice.<br />
'''Jan:''' I'm working on a merit badge.<br />
'''Gene:''' (laughs) Okay sweetie. What's gonna happen here is gonna happen. So just relax. If it makes it any easier, it's nothing personal, okay?<br />
'''Jan:''' Nothing personal.<br />
'''Gene:''' Just business.<br />
'''Jan:''' I don't know. I might have to make it personal.<br />
'''Gene:''' Your funeral. Okay, angel. Time for you to meet the big dog. (pulls a knife)<br />


Kamal: Those are the ones with buckles right?<BR>
===Ballet===
Sofia: There was no business emergency.<BR>
{{Listen|title=Ballet
Kamal: What?<BR>
|filename=ILB_Ballet.ogg
Sofia: God, you are so dense sometimes.<BR>
}}
Kamal: I don't understand.<BR>
'''Jan:''' See, the problem with being a big dog, is there's always a bigger dog.<br />
Sofia: He had me drive you home because he knows you like that. Aiden likes to keep his people happy.<BR>
(roughage, knife clatters on the pavement)<br />
Kamal: Do the shoes make you happy? The jewelry?
'''Jan:''' Damn! You're going to want to put some ice on that.<br />
Sofia: Mostly, Aiden makes me happy. As for the rest of it, I've been poor, you know. There's no glamour in waiting tables.<BR>
'''Gene:''' Huh, you've got quick feet.<br />
Kamal: Ok<BR>
'''Jan:''' All those years of ballet. You gonna go get that knife?<br />
Sofia: What? All things being equal life is better when you're not broke.<BR>
'''Gene:''' You know, there's people watching you know. To make sure I do this thing. And they're gonna see everything.<br />
Kamal: I was just figuring that out.<BR>
'''Jan:''' I can see why you get your dates at gun point.<br />
'''Gene:''' Just thought you should know.<br />
'''Jan:''' Come on Gene, skip the knife... go for the [[M6 Series|M6]] under your jacket.  


==Janissary==
===Her hair===
{{Listen|title=Her hair
|filename=her_hair.ogg
}}
'''Jan:''' Come on, baby... give it to me.<br />
(beating)<br />
'''Jan:''' Oh, did I get that right? You draw the gun, I slap you around, then the face dip into the sidewalk, or... or did you want to lead?<br />
'''Gene:''' Jesus!<br />
'''Jan:''' I like to dance.<br />
'''Gene:''' Oh, you just bought yourself a bullet in the back, bitch!<br />
'''Jan:''' Oh, only the guy with the [[Sniper rifle (disambiguation)|sniper rifle]] across the street has 2 broken arms...<br />
'''Gene:''' [[Pete]]?<br />
'''Jan:''' And the girl with the ponytail, the one who was supposed to cover you from the roof?<br />
'''Gene:''' [[Marty (i love bees)|Marty]]? What the hell is thi... (Jan reveals a lock of hair) her hair? You cut off her hair?!<br />
'''Jan:''' It's just you, and me... lover.


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/hey_bev.wav hey_bev]   
===Posture counts===
{{Listen|title=Posture counts
|filename=ILB_Posture_counts.ogg
}}
'''Jan:''' Alright. Get up... Get. Up. Now, from the top. And remember, posture counts. There's the gun. Pick it up. Come on, big dog. Let's go again.<br />
'''Gene:''' This time you're--<br />
(beating)<br />
'''Jan:''' And here we are again.<br />
'''Gene:''' Christ! (moans and pants)<br />
'''Jan:''' Aww, the choreography is there but I’m not feeling it yet the way I want to.<br />
'''Gene:''' Screw you!<br />
'''Jan:''' Alright on your feet, Gene. I'm just going to put the gun in your hand this time. That's it, yeah. Get your finger nice and comfy right on the trigger. Come on, big dog! Bring it baby!<br />
'''Gene:''' Die, bitch!<br />
(gunshot)<br />


Bev: Hello... And welcome to Hot'n'Cold... Please, place your thumb on the transaction plate.<BR>
===Wee wee wee===
Jan: Hey Bev, you are looking great... Have you lost weight?<BR>
{{Listen|title=Wee wee wee
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. What beverage can I offer you?<BR>
|filename=ILB_Wee_wee_wee.ogg
Jan: Coffee, black, two sugars.<BR>
}}
Bev: Gladly, Miss James<BR>
(scream of pain)<br />
Jan: You know, I saw the candy machine across the room eyeing you again...<BR>
'''Jan:''' (sigh) The trouble with where you're headed, Gene. Eh, mind if I call you Gene?<br />
Bev: Thank you! Can I interest you in a snack food?<BR>
'''Gene:''' (gasps) You shot my toe off!<br />
Jan: I know! And the way his 'Out of Stock' button flashes is so cute!<BR>
'''Jan:''' This little piggy went 'wee wee wee' all the way home. (stomps on injured foot)
Bev: Thank you! My inventory is replenished Mondays and Fridays...<BR>
(scream of pain)<br />
Jan: Well, you'll want to make your move soon sister, I hear the fire supression system here really puts out...<BR>
'''Jan:''' Oh, oh, am I hurting your feelings? You see, the trouble with being bad, Gene, is you only last as long as you're the scariest pup on the block.<br />
Bev: Thank you!<BR>
'''Gene:''' (cries) Thin is gonna do you, freak!<br />
'''Jan:''' And no matter how bad you are, how tough, how fast, you know what's waiting for you, big dog? (breaking of bones?) (cries of pain) A bigger bitch.<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/such_pigs.wav such_pigs] 
===Just snacks===
{{Listen|title=Just snacks
|filename=ILB_Just_snacks.ogg
}}
'''Bev:''' Hello! And welcome to hot in cold. Please, place your thumb on the transaction plate.<br />
'''Jan:''' Bev! It's like you're here every time I come by. Isn't that crazy?<br />
'''Bev:''' Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. What beverage can I offer you?<br />
'''Jan:''' Coffee. Black. Two sugars.<br />
'''Bev:''' Gladly, Miss James.<br />
'''Jan:''' Oh, Bev, I... I don't know how to tell you this... the other day, it was late, it was just me in here with the candy machine, and I was a little tipsy and (breath) Oh Bev, I'm so sorry! It didn't mean anything, it was just... snacks! Can you ever forgive me?<br />
'''Bev:''' Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. Enjoy your beverage.<br />


Jan:   Well you sure don't want to lose them to that slutty cash register do ya?
===Apartment squirrels===
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. Enjoy your beverage.<BR>
{{Listen|title=Apartment squirrels
Jan: Oh Bev, you kidder! How about tomorrow you buy?<BR>
|filename=ILB_Apartment_squirrels.ogg
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question.
}}
(sits and drinks)<BR>
'''Paolo:''' Hi there, I, uh, wanted to say thanks.<br />
Gene's friend: Hey, uh, excuse me? Look I know this is kind of wierd, but uh...
'''Jan:''' For what?<br />
Jan: Hey, I need a guy's opinion.<BR>
'''Paolo:''' Well you know, that thing you did.<br />
Gene's friend: Ya?<BR>
'''Jan:''' (exaggerated Italian-NY accent) Buddy, I never seen ya before in my life, kapiche? We never met, no time. (pause) I'd stay away from the creamer in this place - 100% real, dried animal fat. Blech!<br />
Jan: Be honest with me here. You see that coffee dispenser?<BR>
'''Paolo:''' Well just so you know, Thin's really pissed!<br />
Gene's friend: Yeah?<BR>
'''Jan:''' I mean I could see which animal, even goat would be okay. Right now, I'm imagining someone milking those big black apartment squirrels.<br />
Jan: Would you go out with her?<BR>
'''Paolo:''' I know you can take care of yourself, but... I-I mean, it's great what you did, but watch your back. Thin is really pissed!<br />
Gene's friend: Uh...<BR>
'''Jan:''' Hm. You Think I should send a card and some flowers?<br />
Jan: She's too heavy right?<BR>
Gene's friend: No, uh. I mean, uh...<BR>
Jan: Mhm... men are such pigs.<BR>


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/optical.wav optical]
==Jersey: "The Audit"==
*[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/surveillance_archive/week4_subject1.wav Audio Compilation 4min 42sec]


Gene's friend:  Look, you're the girl that was at Sharfie's last week aren't you?<BR>
===Your first mistake===
Jan: Never heard of it. Are we done?<BR>
{{Listen|title=Your first mistake
Gene's friend: Hey! I need help! I know you're the kind of person who helps. I was there, I saw it, so, you know, don't pretend you're just like them.<BR>
|filename=ILB_Your_first_mistake.ogg
Jan: (sarcastically) Maybe last week was the pretending...<BR>
}}
Gene's friend: So keep pretending.<BR>
'''[[George Shebura|George]]:''' Mr. Morelli. Hm. We will be making a record of this audit. My name is George Shebura. I'm an associate fiscal investigator. You have the right to have your accountant present.<br />
Jan: Sit down.<BR>
'''[[Jersey Morelli|Jersey]]:''' Yeah, I do my own books.<br />
Gene's friend: Buddy of mine, Gene Lidsay, goes by the name Optical these days. We've been hanging out with these guys and, uh, Gene's in pretty deep you know, he's in um..<BR>
'''George:''' I see.<br />
Jan: Trouble?<BR>
'''[[Durga]]:''' (on chatter) Trust me Jersey, your books are fine.<br />
Gene's friend: Yeah.<BR>
'''Jersey:''' You know, I don't really make a lot of money, and an accountant is expensive, and the computer's supposed to be good at it, so...<br />
Jan: So, your friend wants to move up in the world.<BR>
'''George:''' It's not your computer I worry about.<br />
Gene's friend: Well they want to let him, but first he's got to...<BR>
'''Durga:''' Your first mistake.<br />
Jan: Finish 8th grade?<BR>
Gene's friend: Prove himself. He has to do something they can hold over him forever.
Jan: Ah, this'll be fun.<BR>


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/box_of_chocolates.wav box_of_chocolates] 
===Alaska===
{{Listen|title=Alaska
|filename=ILB_Alaska.ogg
}}
'''George:''' Your record seems a little haphazard, Mr. Morelli... As, I must say, does your style of dress....<br />
'''Jersey:''' Huh?<br />
'''Durga:''' George Shebura has been working here 9 years. Employee performance records say he is precise, punctual, efficient, arrogant, and not well liked. Still, he was going to be promoted next month....<br />
'''Jersey:''' Was?<br />
'''George:''' Excuse me, Mr. Morelli?<br />
'''Jersey:''' Oh nothing.<br />
'''Durga:''' Now, he's getting a pay cut... and a job rotation.<br />
'''Jersey:''' (grunts)<br />
'''Durga:''' ...to Alaska.<br />


Gene: Pardon me, miss.<BR>
===Refreshingly cool===
Victim: Excuse me?<BR>
{{Listen|title=Refreshingly cool
Gene: You dropped something.<BR>
|filename=ILB_Refreshingly_cool.ogg
Victim: Hey...! What are you...?! What are you... LET GO!<BR>
}}
Gene: Don't scream, don't make a sound.<BR>
'''George:''' Hm. Your return seems better organized than I remember.<br />
Victim: I-I... I promise...<BR>
'''Durga:''' A little house keeping. Just better records, and you know, a few more of them.<br />
Jan: Hey stud! How bout some flowers first?<BR>
'''George:''' Does it seem warm in here to you?<br />
(victim is struggling)<BR>
'''Jersey:''' No.<br />
Gene: Screw you.<BR>
'''Durga:''' It's probably refreshingly cool in Alaska right now.<br />
Jan: Myself, I like a box of chocolates and a man who's not afraid to cry. You're not afraid to cry, are you, Gene?<BR>
'''George:''' Well the floor thermo's must be acting up. These old government buildings. Do you mind if we move a bit to the left?<br />
'''Jersey:''' It shouldn't be doing that.<br />
'''George:''' Well now it's getting warm here<br />
'''Jersey:''' It really shouldn't be doing that. In fact, it should stop.<br />
'''Durga:''' I know! But I don't think that's going to happen. Do you?<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/mr_congeniality.wav mr_congeniality] 
===Thermostat===
{{Listen|title=Thermostat
|filename=ILB_Thermostat.ogg
}}
'''George:''' I'm afraid you'll have to reschedule your audit, Mr. Morelli. I can't be expected to work under these conditions.<br />
'''Jersey:''' I'd hate to have to come back because of a problem with the thermostat.<br />
'''Durga:''' Fine.<br />
'''George:''' Ah, it's cooling off. That's better.<br />
'''Jersey:''' Much better.<br />
'''George:''' Wait, now it's the lights. I'm getting lights shining right through my eyes. Dammit, it's something with the tracking. It's following me.<br />
'''Durga:''' Oh you be good cop. I wanna be the bad cop.<br />
'''Jersey:''' I'd really just like to get this over with.<br />
'''George:''' This will take as long as it takes, Mr. Morelli. And nothing you say or do will make it go one second faster.<br />
'''Durga:''' Mistake number 2.<br />
'''George:''' Shebura here, I'm in the middle of an audit.  


Gene: Who the hell are you?<BR>
===Clearly a glitch===
Victim: Please, please call the police!<BR>
{{Listen|title=Clearly a glitch
Gene: Shut up!<BR>
|filename=ILB_Clearly_a_glitch.ogg
Jan: See, there's just no chemistry here. It's time to let her go, Gene.<BR>
}}
Gene: Look, they said I need a girl for this thing. Is this another test?<BR>
'''George:''' My wife? Well tell her I'll call her ba--... alright, alright.<br />
Jan: Oh it's like the bonus round, stud. Let her go, dance with me. What? Don't you like what you see?<BR>
(chatter beep off)<br />
Gene: Hm, I am at my best in the bonus round baby.<BR>
'''George:''' I have to step out for a moment. Wait here.<br />
Victim: (whispers) Thank you<BR>
(George exits)<br />
Gene: Here's your consolation prize. (lets the woman go)<BR>
'''Durga:''' [[Jane Shebura]] - 36. Her first marriage, his second. When asked why she wanted a divorce, his first wife [[Linda Shebura|Linda]] said that it was that, or die of boredom.<br />
Jan: I know, I know, it's over now. Get on home. I'll finish up with Mr.Congeniality.<BR>
'''Jersey:''' Tell me you didn't...<br />
'''Durga:''' What?<br />
'''Jersey:''' Whatever!<br />
'''Durga:''' Oh! You mean the slut chat bill sent to the family account? Clearly a glitch.<br />
'''Jersey:''' Durga, stop it!<br />
(George enters)<br />
'''George:''' Uh, Mr. Morelli. Actually your return seems uh, perfectly adequate. Just, you know, try to be a little bit more careful with your record k--<br />
(Officer enters)<br />
'''Officer:''' George Shebura?<br />
'''George:''' Yes?<br />
'''Officer:''' [[Department of the Treasury|Officer of the Treasury]]. I have a warrant for your arrest on 14 counts of counterfeit.<br />
'''Jersey:''' What?<br />
(Police enters)<br />
'''Police:''' Everybody down on the ground!<br />
'''Officer:''' Who the hell are you?<br />
'''Police:''' Police!<br />
'''Jersey:''' Daaamn...<br />
'''Police:''' You are under arrest.


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/big_dog.wav big_dog]
===Big gloves===
{{Listen|title=Big gloves
|filename=ILB_Big_gloves.ogg
}}
'''Police:''' Stand with your hands out of the way from your sides! You have the right to remain silent.<br />
'''Officer:''' What do you mean, counterfeiting?!<br />
'''Police:''' Counterfeiting? Not counterfeiting! Assault! We've got a warrant - armed and dangerous!<br />
'''Jersey:''' It was just supposed to be a simple audit...<br />
'''Officer:''' You're wanted for assault? I get him for counterfeiting...<br />
'''Enviro:''' Enviro Department, everybody must vacate the premises!<br />
'''Police:''' Freeze! Down on the ground!<br />
'''Officer:''' Oh would you knock that off already...<br />
'''Enviro:''' I have a report of a hazardous chemical contamination...<br />
'''Police:''' Nobody leaves until I've secured the suspect!<br />
'''George:''' This is all a mistake...<br />
'''Officer:''' Jesus Christ, who's the guy with the big gloves?<br />
'''ACO:''' [[Animal control]]. So, which one of you scum is the guy whose scheme for trading in wild honey badgers has gone so terribly, terribly wrong?<br />
'''George:''' I don't even have a dog...<br />
(fire sprinklers)<br />
'''Jersey:''' Oh, hey... sprinklers...!<br />


Gene: That was real nice what you did for that lady. Not real smart, but nice.
===I looked it up===
Jan: I'm working on a merit badge.<BR>
{{Listen|title=I looked it up
Gene: (laughs) Ok sweetie. What's gonna happen here is gonna happen. So just relax.<BR> If it makes it any easier, it's nothing personal, okay?<BR>
|filename=ILB_I_looked_it_up.ogg
Jan: Nothing personal.<BR>
}}
Gene: Just business.<BR>
'''Jersey:''' Shut it off. (Durga turns off the music)<br />
Jan: I don't know. I might have to make it personal.<BR>
'''Durga:''' So, I've got some interesting stuff on Jan.<br />
Gene: Your funeral. Ok angel. Time for you to meet the big dog.<BR>
'''Jersey:''' You can't do things like that Durga.<br />
'''Durga:''' He's an auditor. Everybody hates auditors, I looked it up.<br />
'''Jersey:''' That was insane! The cops - they're going to go crazy trying to figure out what happened... they're going to trace it back and probably--<br />
'''Durga:''' --and they'll find some likely suspects who hate George Shebura. Some blind accounts, and dead ends.<br />
'''Jersey:''' I don't care! I don't want anything like that happening ever again. Do you understand?<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/ballet.wav ballet]   
===Cheerleaders===
{{Listen|title=Cheerleaders
|filename=ILB_Cheerleaders.ogg
}}
'''Durga:''' ''Jersey, I am not a child. I am not a toy. And I am not your thing. I was very restrained with George. I didn't cook him; I didn't send him to jail. But people who mess with us - they're going to get stoned.''<br />
'''Jersey:''' Us?<br />
'''Durga:''' Yes, us. [[Team Jersey]].<br />
'''Jersey:''' Why not Team Durga?<br />
'''Durga:''' ''Because I said so''...<br />
'''Jersey:''' Okay. So, do we have cheerleaders?<br />


Jan:   See, the problem with being a big dog, is there's always a bigger dog.<BR>
==Rani: "The Recruitment"==
(roughage)<BR>
*[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/surveillance_archive/week4_subject4.wav Audio Compilation 8min 21sec]
Jan: Damn! You're going to want to put some ice on that.<BR>
===Commissary shoes===
Gene: Huh, you've got quick feet.<BR>
{{Listen|title=Commissary shoes
Jan: All those years of ballet. You gonna go get that knife?<BR>
|filename=ILB_Commissary_shoes.ogg
Gene: You know, there's people watching you know. To make sure I do this thing. And they're gonna see everything.<BR>
}}
Jan: I can see why you get your dates at gun point.<BR>
(Rani is being followed)<br />
Gene: Just thought you should know.<BR>
'''[[Rani Sobeck|Rani]]:''' Hello? Hello?? Who's there?<br />
Jan: Come on Gene, skip the knife... go for the M6 under your jacket.  
'''College boy:''' Your freakin chatter - drop it! And your wallet...<br />
'''Rani:''' (fearful) I'm dropping it. I'm putting it down, slowly. I'm a student!<br />
'''College boy:''' Any funny business, I'm gonna cut you up!<br />
'''Rani:''' I'm broker than you are! And look at those shoes you're wearing.<br />
'''College boy:''' I didn't tell you you could talk.<br />
'''Rani:''' Those are commissary shoes.<br />
'''College boy:''' Shut up!<br />
'''Rani:''' And the hair cut.<br />
'''College boy:''' Hair cut...? I said shut up.<br />
'''Rani:''' Spikey hair?<br />
'''College boy:''' Instead of worrying about my haircut, you should be worrying about your throat.<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/her_hair.wav her_hair] 
===Formal wear===
{{Listen|title=Formal wear
|filename=ILB_Formal_wear.ogg
}}
'''Rani:''' Are you a cop?<br />
'''College boy:''' I kill cops.<br />
'''Rani: '''No, no under cover would wear those shoes, or go out on the street with a Sigma Chi fraternity tattoo.<br />
'''College boy:''' Hey--<br />
'''Rani:''' --I'm a student, from a place where overalls are formal wear and even I look outside once in a while.<br />
'''College boy:''' But you don't--<br />
'''Rani:''' I know who you are.<br />
'''College boy:''' Who?<br />
'''Rani:''' You're with intelligence, college boy.<br />
'''College boy:''' Wait a second--<br />
'''Rani:''' This is about that spy job!<br />
'''College boy:''' Shu--<br />
'''Rani:''' You guys can't do this to people! It's illegal.<br />
'''College boy:''' How would you like me to rip your arms off? *sigh* Oh for crying out loud, could you at least stop grinning at me?<br />
'''Rani:''' (clenching a giggle) I'm sorry, it's just something I do when faced with the ridiculous.<br />


Jan: Come on, baby... give it to me.<BR>
===My landlady===
(fighting)<BR>
{{Listen|title=My landlady
Jan: Oh, did I get that right? You draw the gun, I slap you around, then the face dip into the sidewalk, or... or did you want to lead?<BR>
|filename=ILB_My_landlady.ogg
Gene: Jeezus!<BR>
}}
Jan: I like to dance.<BR>
'''College boy: '''It's a test for new recruits, and you did great.<br />
Gene: Oh, you just bought yourself a bullet in the back, bitch!<BR>
'''Rani: '''Great?! Geez, you don't even look like a [[Boston]] thug. You look like something out of central casting.<br />
Jan: Oh, only the guy with the sniper rifle across the street has 2 broken arms...
'''College boy:''' (shrugs)<br />
Gene: Pete?<BR>
'''Rani:''' And I'm not a recruit, I'm not interested.<br />
Jan: And the girl with the ponytail, the one who was supposed to cover you from the roof?<BR>
'''College boy:''' Because of the tattoo? Nobody ever noticed it before.<br />
Gene: Marty? What the hell is the... (Jan reveals a lock of hair) her hair? You cut off her hair?!<BR>
'''Rani:''' I live in Southy. My landlady is scarier than you.<br />
Jan: It's just you, and me... lover
'''College boy:''' Think about your country, take the job.<br />
'''Rani:''' (laughs) For what? I get two years of spy school, and then I get to hang out in alleys, scaring civilians?<br />
'''College boy:''' Jeezus. Look, could I... could I walk home with you? You could at least show me what people wear in your neighborhood.<br />
'''Rani: '''No! I'd die of embarrassment. (walks away) Morons.<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/posture_counts.wav posture_counts]  
===Domestic bliss===
{{Listen|title=Domestic bliss
|filename=ILB_Domestic_bliss.ogg
}}
(mumbling in an apartment)<br />
(chatter beep - Kentucky over the comm)<br />
'''[[Sarah-John Pope|Sarah]]:''' Rani, what's going on there?<br />
'''Rani: '''The sweet sounds of corner boy, and his refugee bride finding domestic bliss.<br />
'''Sarah:''' Oh...<br />
'''Rani:''' They always fight when it gets hot, and it's hot in Boston. How's it in [[Wikipedia:Kentucky|Kentucky]]?<br />
'''Sarah:''' Oh it's hot, but it's a lot quieter. Rani, you've got to move.<br />
'''Rani: '''I would if I could afford to. I had the weirdest couple of days. My country wants me to be a spy.<br />
'''Sarah:''' A spy?<br />
'''Rani: '''First, I got recruited by [[Avi|Professor Avi]]. You remember me talking about him... cultural anthropology.<br />
'''Sarah: '''Oh yeah, the one you thought was a spook.<br />


Jan: Alright. Get up... Get. Up. Now, from the top. And remember, posture counts. There's the gun. Pick it up. Come on, big dog. Let's go again.<BR>
===A secret life===
Gene: This time you're--<BR>
{{Listen|title=A secret life
(fighting)<BR>
|filename=ILB_A_secret_life.ogg
Jan: And here we are again. (Gene's in pain) Aww, the choreography is there but I’m not feeling it yet the way I want to.<BR>
}}
Gene: Screw you!<BR>
'''Rani: '''He wears a service ring, he only started teaching about 10 years ago which means he could have done 20 and out. And one day, a couple of kids were talking about buying a car - every model they mentioned, he knew how long it would float.<br />
Jan: Alright on your feet, Gene. I'm just going to put the gun in your hand this time. That's it, yeah. Get your finger nice and comfy right on the trigger. Come on, big dog! Bring it baby!<BR>
'''Sarah:''' How long it would float?<br />
Gene: Die bitch!<BR>
'''Rani:''' If you ran it off a bridge.<br />
(gunshot)<BR>
'''Sarah:''' Okay, that is a little strange. But that doesn't make him a spy.<br />
'''Rani: '''What, just really really weird?<br />
'''Sarah:''' Do you think everybody has a secret life?<br />
'''Rani:''' Everybody does.<br />
'''Sarah:''' I don't.<br />
'''Rani''': ...The reservoir.<br />
'''Sarah:''' Jeezus H, Rani! How do you know that? Were you checking up on me?<br />
'''Rani:''' No, you had a new state park pass sticker on your vehicle, your wet clothes in the laundry room smelled like pond water, you suddenly hated [[John Lee Peacock]], and you gave up your virginity to [[Jason Pope|Jason]] that weekend.<br />
'''Sarah:''' Oh I hate you! You should be a spy!<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/wee_wee_wee.wav wee_wee_wee]
===Flower delivery===
{{Listen|title=Flower delivery
|filename=ILB_Flower_delivery.ogg}}
'''Rani:''' So the guy with the spikey hair says: "Can I walk you home? And see what real people wear?"<br />
(laughs)<br />
'''Rani:''' What idiots! And this is like 2 days after Professor Avi said I should send my resume to Virginia.<br />
'''Sarah:''' I can't believe you Rani, I'd have been too scared to notice anything.<br />
'''Rani:''' No, this guy you'd have noticed.<br />
'''Sarah:''' Hey, it sounds like your neighbors have stopped fighting.<br />
'''Rani: '''Oh god. That means they're going to make up.<br />
'''Sarah:''' That's bad?<br />
'''Rani:''' Their headboard is right against the wall of my bedroom.<br />
'''Sarah:''' Gotcha! Oh, that reminds me, mom said to tell you she heard about the guy--<br />
'''Rani:''' --who's posing as a flower delivery man--<br />
'''Sarah:''' --and attacking women in their apartments?<br />
'''Rani:''' And not to open my door.<br />
(laughs)<br />
'''Rani:''' Anyway, I don't have to take the spy job, thank God. I got something better.<br />
'''Sarah: '''Oh my god, Rani, that's great!<br />
'''Rani:''' Eh, not so great. It's this kid, he's starting a business. He has a [[printer fabricator]].<br />


(scream of pain)<BR>
===Desktop model===
Jan: (sigh) The trouble with where you're headed, Gene. Eh, mind if I call you Gene?<BR>
{{Listen|title=Desktop model
Gene: (gasps) You shot my toe off!<BR>
|filename=ILB_Desktop_model.ogg
Jan: This little piggy went 'wee wee wee' all the way home. (stomps on a toe)
}}
(scream of pain)<BR>
'''Rani:''' This is where you work?<br />
Jan: Oh, oh, am I hurting your feelings? You see, the trouble with being bad, Gene, is you only last as long as you're the scariest pup on the block.<BR>
'''[[Trevor]]:''' A lot of people work where they live.<br />
Gene: (cries) Thin is gonna do you, freak!<BR>
'''Rani: '''This is where you live?? (door closes) Ew, I think something died over here.<br />
Jan: And no matter how bad you are, how tough, how fast, you know what's waiting for you, big dog? (breaking of bones?) A bigger bitch.<BR>
'''Trevor: '''That's not... I think that's the curtain, someone spilled milk on them.<br />
'''Rani: '''On the curtains?<br />
'''Trevor:''' There's the printer fabricator.<br />
'''Rani:''' It's a desktop model.<br />
'''Trevor:''' Yeah?<br />
'''Rani:''' Well, I thought you were going to do manufacturing.<br />
'''Trevor:''' I am. I mean, we are. Small things. Look, here's a spec sheet for our product. What do you think?<br />
'''Rani:''' It's a plastic kitten.<br />
'''Trevor:''' Ah, it's a disposable [[Chatter|chatter]] that looks like a plastic kitten.<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/just_snacks.wav just_snacks] 
===So mean===
{{Listen|title=So mean
|filename=ILB_So_mean.ogg
}}
'''Rani:''' Like a chatter you get in quickie store?<br />
'''Trevor:''' Right, see I can fabricate them and sell them to the [[refu]]es.<br />
'''Rani:''' The what?<br />
'''Trevor:''' Refues. Refugees. They can't afford a real service.<br />
'''Rani:''' Your fabricator can't make these.<br />
'''Trevor:''' It can't?<br />
'''Rani:''' Not so much. They're too thick. This is a desktop.<br />
'''Trevor:''' But they said I could use a fabricator like this.<br />
'''Rani:''' (sigh) That was so mean of them wasn't it. My uncle has a print-fab shop. If you take the carriage arm off, and use electrostatic polymer, you might get it to run. But who knows how long it would last...<br />
'''Trevor:''' You're a genius! Let's try it.<br />


Bev: Hello! And welcome to hot in cold. Please, place your thumb on the transaction plate.<BR>
===Guess not===
Jan: Bev! It's like you're here every time I come by. Isn't that crazy?<BR>
{{Listen|title=Guess not
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. What beverage can I offer you?<BR>
|filename=ILB_Guess_not.ogg
Jan: Coffee. Black. Two sugars.<BR>
}}
Bev: Gladly, Miss James.<BR>
'''Rani:''' Trevor? What do you suppose it's doing?<br />
Jan: Oh, Bev, I... I don't know how to tell you this... the other day, it was late, it was just me in here with the candy machine, and I was a little tipsy and (breath) Oh Bev, I'm so sorry! It didn't mean anything, it was just... snacks! Can you ever forgive me?<BR>
'''Trevor:''' I don't know... I think maybe it's just slow.<br />
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. Enjoy your beverage.<BR>
'''Rani:''' Hm, my uncle's print-fabs never made this noise.<br />
'''Trevor:''' Well Rani, this one's not like his.<br />
'''Rani:''' I guess not.<br />
'''Trevor:''' Look Rani, you work for me, okay? So I'd appreciate it if you didn't question every decision I make, alright?<br />
(machine gets louder, they shout)<br />
'''Trevor:''' So, you'll be quitting when?<br />
'''Rani: '''How does Friday work for you? (machine dies)<br />
'''Trevor:''' Friday's good.  


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/apartment_squirrels.wav apartment_squirrels]
===Relocate===
{{Listen|title=Relocate
|filename=ILB_Relocate.ogg
}}
'''Trevor: '''Look at that. Don't they look great?<br />
'''Rani:''' Well, they are cute.<br />
'''Trevor:''' We make a great team, Rani.<br />
'''Rani: '''Trevor, there's no team here. We made 49 cheap chatters before your fabricator exploded.<br />
'''Trevor:''' Shaped like kittens! Girls will love them!<br />
'''Rani:''' I need a job, you need to relocate back to reality.<br />
'''Trevor:''' We'll get another print-fab and make them for what, [[Seven|7]]% of what a cheap chatter costs in a convenience store? We'll clear a good chunk of change. Your 15% will--<br />
'''Rani:''' --My 15 percent? In addition to my salary?<br />
'''Trevor:''' Well, not exactly. I mean, all my capital is tied up in the chatters. But this is better - 15% of what we net. I mean, 25%. 25%, Rani. You can be a partner. Forget working for me, 50%. Rani... Rani, Rani, don't shake your head. Besides, I can't afford to pay you. Not until we sell some kittens.<br />


Paolo: Hi there, I, uh, wanted to say thanks.<BR>
===Cow, even===
Jan: For what?<BR>
{{Listen|title=Cow, even
Paolo: Well you know, that thing you did.<BR>
|filename=ILB_Cow_even.ogg
Jan: Buddy, I've never seen you before in my life! Kapiche? We never met, no time. (pause) I'd stay away from the creamer in this place - 100% real, dried animal fat. blech!<BR>
}}
Paolo: Well just so you know, Thin's really pissed!<BR>
'''Rani: '''So, I took 14 disposable chatters as payment, and scrammed.<br />
Jan: I mean I could see which animal, even goat would be ok. Right now, I'm imagining someone milking those big black apartment squirrels.<BR>
'''Sarah:''' (over the chatter) What are you gonna do with 14 chatters?<br />
Paolo: I know you can take care of yourself, but... I-I mean, it's great what you did, but watch your back. Thin is really pissed!<BR>
'''Rani:''' Shaped like little purple kittens.<br />
Jan: Hm. You Think I should send a card and some flowers?<BR>
'''Sarah:''' (giggles) Right, shaped like kittens.<br />
'''Rani:''' Oh, hold on... (to a customer) They're good for 400 hours... they make great gifts!<br />
'''Customer: '''Yeah, got any not so girly? Maybe shaped like a... cobra!<br />
'''Rani:''' No.<br />
'''Customer:''' ...wolf!<br />
'''Rani:''' No.<br />
'''Customer:''' ...cow, even?<br />
'''Rani:''' Just kittens.<br />
'''Customer: '''Yeah, okay. I'll take two.<br />


==Jersey==
===Knockout gas===
{{Listen|title=Knockout gas
|filename=ILB_Knockout_gas.ogg
}}
'''Rani:''' Thanks. I'm back. I'm selling them at a flea market.<br />
'''Sarah:''' Oh... (pitiful)<br />
'''Rani:''' So, I guess I'm going to get fitted for an all-black suit and commissary shoes.<br />
'''Sarah:''' (gasp) You are going to be a spy! (laughs) They give you pens with knockout gas in them. Now what girl doesn't need a pen with knockout gas in it?<br />
'''Rani:''' Particularly in the big city...<br />
'''Sarah:''' Where guys pretending to deliver flowers--<br />
'''Rani:''' --Knocking on innocent women's doors...<br />
(laughs)<br />
'''Rani:''' Oh, give your mom a hug for me.<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/your_first_mistake.wav your_first_mistake]
==Herzog: "Enigma"==
*[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/surveillance_archive/week4_subject5.wav Audio Compilation 2min 13sec]


George: Mr.Morelli. Hm. We will be making a record of this audit. My name is George Shebura. I'm an associate fiscal investigator. You have the right to have your accountant present.<BR>
===The Labyrinth===
Jersey: Yeah, I do my own books.<BR>
the_labyrinth (Note: AXON CANCELLED)<br />
George: I see.<BR>
Durga: (on chatter) Trust me Jersey, your books are fine.<BR>
Jersey: You know, I don't really make a lot of money, and an accountant is expensive, and the computer's supposed to be good at it, so...<BR>
George: It's not your computer I worry about.<BR>
Durga: Your first mistake.<BR>


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/alaska.wav alaska]
'''[[Herzog]]:''' Were you ever on [[Reach]]?<br />
'''[[Unidentified lieutenant (Section 0)|Lieutenant]]:''' No sir. You have me scheduled for a duty rotation, leaving for Reach December 15th.<br />
'''Herzog:''' Hmm, right.<br />
'''Lieutenant:''' Sir? Have I somehow not performed to your requirements?<br />
'''Herzog:''' What? Oh, no, boy. I'm sending you to the labyrinth. ONI's workshop is on Reach, where ONI elves build their toy soldiers.<br />
'''Lieutenant:''' Sir?<br />
'''Herzog:''' The place where children are the toys. That's where the Spartan 2.0s are from. All [[Catherine Halsey|Dr. Halsey's]] pretty ones.<br />
'''Lieutenant:''' Oh. I see, sir.<br />
'''Herzog:''' Where, if you see anything you must not contact me. Of course. Since for the 6 months of your rotation there you will not be working for me. Of course. And would never let your loyalties to us, to human decency, to the protection of standards interfere with your work.<br />
'''Lieutenant:''' Oh... Yes sir.<br />
'''Herzog:''' Well look at it this way. It's probably the safest place in human inhabited space.<br />


George: Your record seems a little haphazard, Mr.Morelli... As, I must say, does your style of dress....<BR>
===English longbow===
Jersey: Huh?<BR>
{{Listen|title=English longbow
Durga: George Shebura has been working here 9 years. Employee performance records say he is precise, punctual, efficient, arrogant, and well liked. Still, he was going to be promoted next month....<BR>
|filename=ILB English_longbow.ogg
Jersey: Was?<BR>
}}
George: Excuse me, Mr. Morelli?<BR>
'''Herzog:''' How's your history?
Jersey: Oh nothing.<BR>
'''Lieutenant:''' Well, fair, sir.<br />
Durga: Now, he's getting a pay cut... and a job rotation.<BR>
'''Herzog:''' How are you on [[World War II]]?<br />
Jersey: (grunts)<BR>
'''Lieutenant:''' Crécy - English longbow against French feudal cavalry. Bloodbath, sir.<br />
Durga: ...to Alaska.<BR>
'''Herzog:''' Very good. Except... that was the Hundred Years' War, World War II was 500 years later.<br />
'''Lieutenant:''' I always get them mixed up. Thirty Years' War, and Hundred Years' War --<br />
'''Herzog:''' --The Germans were winning. They used an elaborate encryption scheme, the British cracked it, and then they had a problem.<br />
'''Lieutenant:''' ...''After'' they cracked the code...<br />
'''Herzog:''' That's right. Now the Brits knew what the Germans meant to do, but if they acted on that knowledge--<br />
'''Lieutenant:''' --The Germans would realize the code had been broken.<br />
'''Herzog:''' Now what would you do if someone had cracked your code?<br />


[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/refreshingly_cool.wav refreshingly_cool] 
===Calculus===
 
{{Listen|title=Calculus
George:  Hm. Your return seems better organized than I remember.<BR>
|filename=ILB_Calculus.ogg
Durga: A little house keeping. Just better records, and you know, a few more of them.
}}
George: Does it seem warm in here to you?<BR>
'''Lieutenant:''' I'd make a new one.<br />
Jersey: No.<BR>
'''Herzog:''' Full marks!<br />
Durga: It's probably refreshingly cool in Alaska right now.<BR>
'''Lieutenant:''' Thank you, sir.<br />
George: Well the floor thermo's must be acting up. These old government buildings. Do you mind if we move a bit to the left?<BR>
'''Herzog:''' So they had to a terrible calculus. Had to decide how much they could use the intelligence, and how many times they would just have to stand there and watch a German operation they knew they could have stopped.<br />
Jersey: It shouldn't be doing that.<BR>
'''Lieutenant:''' A dilemma worthy of Solomon, sir.<br />
George: Well now it's getting warm here<BR>
'''Herzog:''' Yes. Have you been thinking about [[Harmony]]?<br />
Jersey: It really shouldn't be doing that. In fact, it should stop.<BR>
'''Lieutenant:''' Yes sir! Oh... oh my god... you mean [[Troy]] and Harmony are--<br />
Durga: I know! But I don't think that's going to happen. Do you?<BR>
'''Herzog/COM:''' --(cranky) I don't know. I'm stuck in a dusty old office and no one tells me anything!<br />
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/thermostat.wav thermostat] 
 
George:  I'm afraid you'll have to reschedule your audit, Mr.Morelli. I can't be expected to work under these conditions.<BR>
Jersey: I'd hate to have to come back because of a problem with the thermostat.
Durga: Fine.<BR>
George: Ah, it's cooling off. That's better.<BR>
Jersey: Much better.<BR>
George: Wait, now it's the lights. I'm getting lights shining right through my eyes. Dammit, it's something with the tracking. It's following me.<BR>
Durga: Oh you be good cop. I wanna be the bad cop.<BR>
Jersey: I'd really just like to get this overwith.<BR>
George: This will take as long as it takes Mr.Morelli. And nothing you say or do will make it go one second faster.<BR>
Durga: Mistake number 2.<BR>
George: Shebura here, I'm in the middle of an audit.
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/clearly_a_glitch.wav clearly_a_glitch] 
 
George:  My wife? Well tell her I'll call her ba--... alright, alright.<BR>
(chatter beep off)<BR>
George: I have to step out for a moment. Wait here.<BR>
(George exits)<BR>
Durga: Jane Shebura - 36. Her first marriage, his second. When asked why she wanted a divorce, his first wife Linda said that it was that, or die of boredom.<BR>
Jersey: Tell me you didn't...<BR>
Durga: What?<BR>
Jersey: Whatever!<BR>
Durga: Oh! You mean the slut chat bill sent to the family account? Clearly a glitch.<BR>
Jersey: Durga, stop it!<BR>
(George enters)<BR>
George: Uh, Mr.Morelli. Actually your return seems uh, perfectly adequate. Just, you know, try to be a little bit more careful with your record k--<BR>
(Officer enters)<BR>
Officer: George Shebura?<BR>
George: Yes?<BR>
Officer: Officer of the Treasury. I have a warrant for your arrest on 14 counts of counterfeit.<BR>
Jersey: What?<BR>
(Police enters)<BR>
Police: Everybody down on the ground!<BR>
Officer: Who the hell are you?<BR>
Police: Police!<BR>
Jersey: Daaamn...<BR>
Police: You are under arrest.
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/big_gloves.wav big_gloves]
 
Police: Stand with your hands out of the way from your sides! You have the right to remain silent.<BR>
Officer: What do you mean counterfeiting?!<BR>
Police: Counterfeiting? Not counterfeiting! Assault! We've got a warrant - armed and dangerous!<BR>
Jersey: It was just supposed to be a simple audit...<BR>
Officer: You're wanted for assault? I get him for counterfeiting...<BR>
Enviro: Enviro Department, everybody must vacate the premises!<BR>
Police: Freeze! Down on the ground!<BR>
Officer: Oh would you knock that off already...<BR>
Enviro: I have a report of a hazardous chemical contamination...<BR>
Police: Nobody leaves until I've secured the suspect!<BR>
George: This is all a mistake...<BR>
Officer: Jeezus Christ who's the guy with the big gloves?<BR>
ACO: Animal Control. So, which one of you scum is the guy who's scheme for trading in wild-honey-badgers has gone so terribly, terribly wrong?<BR>
George: I don't even have a dog...<BR>
(fire sprinklers)<BR>
Jersey: Oh, hey... sprinklers...!<BR>
 
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/i_looked_it_up.wav i_looked_it_up] 
 
Jersey: Shut it off<BR>
Durga: So I've got some interesting stuff on Jan<BR>
Jersey: You can't do things like that Durga.<BR>
Durga: He's an auditor. Everybody hates auditors, I looked it up.<BR>
Jersey: That was insane! The cops - they're going to go crazy trying to figure out what happened... they're going to trace it back and probably--<BR>
Durga: --and they'll find some likely suspects who hate George Shebura. Some blind accounts, and dead ends.<BR>
Jersey: I don't care! I don't want anything like that happening ever again. Do you understand?<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/cheerleaders.wav cheerleaders]
 
Durga:  Jersey, I am not a child. I am not a toy. And I am not your thing. I was very restrained with George. I didn't cook him, I didn't send him to jail. But people who mess with us - they're going to get stoned.<BR>
Jersey: Us?<BR>
Durga: Yes, us. Team Jersey.<BR>
Jersey: Why not Team Durga?<BR>
Durga: Because I said so.<BR>
Jersey: Ok. So, do we have cheerleaders?<BR>
 
==Rani==
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/commissary_shoes.wav commissary_shoes]   
 
(Rani is being followed)<BR>
Rani: Hello? Hello?? Who's there?<BR>
College boy: Your freakin chatter - drop it! And your wallet...<BR>
Rani: (fearful) I'm dropping it. I'm putting it down, slowly. I'm a student!<BR>
College boy: Any funny business, I'm gonna cut you up!<BR>
Rani: I'm broker than you are! And look at those shoes you're wearing.<BR>
College boy: I didn't tell you you could talk.<BR>
Rani: Those are commissary shoes.<BR>
College boy: Shut up!<BR>
Rani: And the hair cut.<BR>
College boy: Hair cut...? I said shut up.<BR>
Rani: Spikey hair?<BR>
College boy: Instead of worrying about my haircut, you should be worrying about your throat.<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/formal_wear.wav formal_wear]   
 
Rani: Are you a cop?<BR>
College boy: I kill cops.<BR>
Rani: No, no under cover would wear those shoes, or go out on the street with a Sigma Ky fraternity tattoo.<BR>
College boy: Hey--<BR>
Rani: --I'm a student, from a place where overalls are formal wear and even I look outside once in a while.<BR>
College boy: But you don't--<BR>
Rani: I know who you are.<BR>
College boy: Who?<BR>
Rani: You're with intelligence, college boy.<BR>
College boy: Wait a second--<BR>
Rani: This is about that spy job!<BR>
College boy: Shu--<BR>
Rani: You guys can't do this to people! It's illegal.<BR>
College boy: How would you like me to rip your arms off? *sigh* Oh for crying out loud, could you at least stop grinning at me?<BR>
Rani: (clenching a giggle) I'm sorry, it's just something I do when faced with the ridiculous.<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/my_landlady.wav my_landlady]
 
College boy:  It's a test for new recruits, and you did great.<BR>
Rani: Great?! Geez, you don't even look like a Boston thug. You look like something out of central casting.<BR>
College boy: (shrugs)<BR>
Rani: And I'm not a recruit, I'm not interested.<BR>
College boy: Because of the tattoo? Nobody ever noticed it before.<BR>
Rani: I live in Southy. My landlady is scarier than you.<BR>
College boy: Think about your country, take the job.<BR>
Rani: (laughs) For what? I get two years of spy school, and then I get to hang out in alleys, scaring civilians?<BR>
College boy: Jeezus. Look, could I... could I walk home with you? You could at least show me what people wear in the neighbourhood.<BR>
Rani: No. I'd die of embarrassment. (walks away) Morons.<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/domestic_bliss.wav domestic_bliss] 
 
(mumbling in an apartment)<BR>
(chatter beep - Kentucky over the comm)<BR>
Sarah: Rani, what's going on there?<BR>
Rani: The sweet sounds of corner boy, and his refugee bride finding domestic bliss.<BR>
Sarah: Oh...<BR>
Rani: They always fight when it gets hot, and it's hot in Boston. How's it in Kentucky?<BR>
Sarah: Oh it's hot, but it's a lot quieter. Rani, you've got to move.<BR>
Rani: I would if I could afford to. I had the wierdest couple of days. My country wants me to be a spy.<BR>
Sarah: A spy?<BR>
Rani: First, I got recruited by Professor Avi. You remember me talking about him... cultural anthropology.<BR>
Sarah: Oh yeah, the one you thought was a spook.<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/a_secret_life.wav a_secret_life]
 
Rani:  He wears a service ring, he only started teaching about 10 years ago which means he could have done 20 and out. And one day, a couple of kids were talking about buying a car - every model they mentioned, he knew how long it would float.<BR>
Sarah: How long it would float?<BR>
Rani: If you ran it off a bridge.<BR>
Sarah: Ok, that is a little strange. But that doesn't make him a spy.<BR>
Rani: What, just really really wierd?<BR>
Sarah: Do you think everybody has a secret life?<BR>
Rani: Everybody does.<BR>
Sarah: I don't.<BR>
Rani: ...The reservoire.<BR>
Sarah: Jeezus H, Rani! How do you know that? Were you checking up on me?<BR>
Rani: No, you had a new state park pass sticker on your vehicle, your wet clothes in the laundry room smelled like pond water, you suddenly hated John Lee Peacock, and you gave up your virginity to Jason that weekend.<BR>
Sarah: Oh I hate you! You should be a spy!<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/flower_delivery.wav flower_delivery]
 
Rani: So the guy with the spikey hair says: "Can I walk you home? And see what real people wear?"<BR>
(laughs)<BR>
Rani: What idiots! And this is like 2 days after Professor Avi said I should send my resume to Virginia.<BR>
Sarah: I can't believe you Rani, I'd have been to scared to notice anything.<BR>
Rani: No, this guy you'd have noticed.<BR>
Sarah: Hey, it sounds like your neighbours have stopped fighting.<BR>
Rani: Oh god. That means they're going to make up.<BR>
Sarah: That's bad?<BR>
Rani: Their headboard is right against the wall of my bedroom.<BR>
Sarah: Gotcha! Oh, that reminds me, mom said to tell you she heard about the guy--<BR>
Rani: --who's posing as a flower delivery man--<BR>
Sarah: --and attacking women in their apartments?<BR>
Rani: And not to open my door.<BR>
(laughs)<BR>
Rani: Anyway, I don't have to take the spy job, thank God. I got something better.<BR>
Sarah: Oh my god, Rani, that's great!<BR>
Rani: Eh, not so great. It's this kid, he's starting a business. He has a printer fabricator<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/desktop_model.wav desktop_model]   
 
Rani: This is where you work?<BR>
Trevor: A lot of people work where they live.<BR>
Rani: This is where you live?? (door closes) Ew, I think something died over here.<BR>
Trevor: That's not... I think that's the curtain, someone spilled milk on them.<BR>
Rani: On the curtains?<BR>
Trevor: There's the printer fabricator.<BR>
Rani: It's a desktop model.<BR>
Trevor: Yeah?<BR>
Rani: Well, I thought you were going to do manufacturing.<BR>
Trevor: I am. I mean, we are. Small things. Look, here's a spec sheet for our product. What do you think?<BR>
Rani: It's a plastic kitten.<BR>
Trevor: Ah, it's a disposable chatter that looks like a plastic kitten.<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/so_mean.wav so_mean]
 
Rani:  Like a chatter you get in quickie store?<BR>
Trevor: Right, see I can fabricate them and sell them to the refues.<BR>
Rani: The what?<BR>
Trevor: Refues. Refugees. They can't afford a real service.<BR>
Rani: Your fabricator can't make these.<BR>
Trevor: It can't?<BR>
Rani: Not so much. They're too thick. This is a desktop.<BR>
Trevor: But they said I could use a fabricator like this.<BR>
Rani: (sigh) That was so mean of them wasn't it. My uncle has a print-fab shop. If you take the carriage arm off, and use electrostatic polymer, you might get it to run. But who knows how long it would last...<BR>
Trevor: You're a genius! Let's try it<BR>
 
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/guess_not.wav guess_not] 
 
Rani: Trevor? What do you suppose it's doing?<BR>
Trevor: I don't know... I think maybe it's just slow.<BR>
Rani: Hm, my uncle's print-fabs never made this noise.<BR>
Trevor: Well Rani, this one's not like his.<BR>
Rani: I guess not.<BR>
Trevor: Look Rani, you work for me, ok? So I'd appreciate it if you didn't question every decision I make, alright?<BR>
(machine gets louder, they shout)<BR>
Trevor: So, you'll be quitting when?<BR>
Rani: How does Friday work for you?<BR>
Trevor: Friday's good.
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/relocate.wav relocate]
 
Trevor:  Look at that. Don't they look great?<BR>
Rani: Well, they are cute.<BR>
Trevor: We make a great team, Rani.<BR>
Rani: Trevor, there's no team here. We made 49 cheap chatters before your fabricator exploded.<BR>
Trevor: Shaped like kittens! Girls will love them!<BR>
Rani: I need a job, you need to relocate back to reality.<BR>
Trevor: We'll get another print-fab and make them for what, 7% of what a cheap chatter costs in a convenient store? We'll clear a good chunk of change. Your 15% will--<BR>
Rani: --My 15 percent? In addition to my salary?<BR>
Trevor: Well, not exactly. I mean, all my capital is tied up in the chatters. But this is better - 15% of what we net. I mean, 25%. 25%, Rani. You can be a partner. Forget working for me, 50%. Rani... Rani, Rani, don't shake your head. Besides, I can't afford to pay you. Not until we sell some kittens.<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/cow_even.wav cow_even] 
 
Rani: So, I took 14 disposable chatters as payment, and scrammed.<BR>
Sarah: (over the chatter) What are you gonna do with 14 chatters?<BR>
Rani: Shaped like little purple kittens.<BR>
Sarah: (giggles) Right, shaped like kittens.<BR>
Rani: Oh, hold on... (to a customer) They're good for 400 hours... they make great gifts!<BR>
Customer: Yeah, got any not so girly? Maybe shaped like a... cobra!<BR>
Rani: No.<BR>
Customer: ...wolf!<BR>
Rani: No.<BR>
Customer: ...cow, even?<BR>
Rani: Just kittens.<BR>
Customer: Yeah, ok. I'll take two.<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/knockout_gas.wav knockout_gas]
 
Rani: Thanks.  I'm back. I'm selling them at a flea market.<BR>
Sarah: Oh... (pitiful)<BR>
Rani: So, I guess I'm going to get fitted for an all-black suit and commissary shoes.
Sarah: (gasp) You are going to be a spy! (laughs) They give you pens with knockout gas in them. Now what girl doesn't need a pen with knockout gas?<BR>
Rani: Particularly in the big city...<BR>
Sarah: Where guys pretending to deliver flowers--<BR>
Rani: --Knocking on innocent women's doors...<BR>
(laughs)<BR>
Rani: Oh, give your mom a hug for me.<BR>
 
==Herzog==
 
the_labyrinth Note: AXON CANCELLED 
 
Herzog: Were you ever on Reach?<BR>
Lieutenant: No sir. You have me scheduled for a duty rotation, leaving for Reach December 15th.<BR>
Herzog: Hmm, right.<BR>
Lieutenant: Sir? Have I somehow not performed to your requirements?<BR>
Herzog: What? Oh, no, boy. I'm sending you to the labyrinth. ONI's workshop is on Reach, where ONI elves build their toy soldiers.<BR>
Lieutenant: Sir?<BR>
Herzog: The place where children are the toys. That's where the Spartan 2.0's are from. All Dr.Halsey's pretty ones.<BR>
Lieutenant: Oh. I see, sir.<BR>
Herzog: Where, if you see anything you must not contact me. Of course. Since for the 6 months of your rotation there you will not be working for me. Of course. And would never let your loyalties to us, to human decency, to the protection of standards interfere with your work.<BR>
Lieutenant: Oh... Yes sir.<BR>
Herzog: Well look at it this way. It's probably the safest place in human inhabited space.  How's your history?<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/english_longbow.wav English_longbow]
 
Lieutenant: Well, fair, sir.<BR>
Herzog: How are you on World War II?<BR>
Lieutenant: Cressy - English Longbow against Futile French Cavalry. Bloodbath, sir.
Herzog: Very good. Except... that was the Hundred years war, World War II was 500 years later.<BR>
Lieutenant: I always get them mixed up. 30 Years War, and Hundred Years War --
Herzog: --The Germans were winning. They used an elaborate encryption scheme, the British cracked it, and then they had a problem.<BR>
Lieutenant: ...After they cracked the code...<BR>
Herzog: That's right. Now the Brits knew what the Germans meant to do, but if they acted on that knowledge--<BR>
Lieutenant: --The Germans would realize the code had been broken.<BR>
Herzog: Now what would you do if someone had cracked your code?<BR>
 
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/calculus.wav calculus]
 
Lieutenant:  I'd make a new one.<BR>
Herzog: Full marks!<BR>
Lieutenant: Thank you, sir.<BR>
Herzog: So they had to a terrible calculus. Had to decide how much they could use the intelligence, and how many times they would just have to stand there and watch a german operation they knew they could have stopped.<BR>
Lieutenant: A dilemma worthy of Solomon, sir.<BR>
Herzog: Yes. Have you been thinking about Harmony?<BR>
Lieutenant: Yes sir! Oh... oh my god... you mean Troy and Harmony are--<BR>
Herzog: --(cranky) I don't know. I'm stuck in a dusty old office and no one tells me anything!<BR>


{{Navbox/Media/Audio}}
[[Category:I Love Bees]]
[[Category:I Love Bees]]

Latest revision as of 23:07, January 30, 2024

Chapter listing
Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5 • Chapter 6 • Chapter 7 • Chapter 8 • Chapter 9 • Chapter 10 • Chapter 11 • Chapter 12
List of Axon clips • Mirror

Axon Clips Chapter 4 is the fourth chapter in the I Love Bees audio drama. It takes place during the second week of September, 2552.

Kamal: "Totally Legitimate Business"[edit]

Dark genius[edit]

Dark genius
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Aiden: Well, I'll be damned... Kamal! Just the guy I wanted to see.
Kamal: Oh no, Aiden. Hey. What are the odds?
Aiden: Too late to get a beer?
Waitress: No, sugar, you got 15 minutes to spare.
Aiden: Okay, one for me, one for him. Whatever's good.
Kamal: I don't want a beer.
Aiden: Sure you do.
Kamal: No I don't.
Aiden: Kamal, come on! Hey, I like the way that sounds. Kamal, come on! Kamal, come on! Never mind. I hate drinking by myself. Have a beer with me. I'm buying. I'll buy you a burger too.
Kamal: Well...
Aiden: That's my dark genius of the vid-stream(?).
Waitress: Two beers, coming right up.

Drink the beer[edit]

Drink the beer
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Aiden: So, I have a friend who has this problem.
Kamal: No.
Aiden: Kamal. So how are your parents? I can help them, you know.
Kamal: I know.
Aiden: Come on, Kamal, this friend of mine is totally on the up and up.
Waitress: Your beers.
Kamal: From where?
Aiden: ...pays taxes even.
Kamal: (drinks) You drink this stuff?
Aiden: Legitimate businessman seeking dark handsome techno-guru for discreet assistance and long moonlit walks.
Kamal: I hate Earth beer.
Aiden: And like I said, this thing with your parents? That's where I come in.
Kamal: Look, the last time I tried to help you, I had half the--
Aiden: The beer gets better after a few sips, Kamal, I promise. And you know what, its all you've got.
Kamal: Why do you keep asking me? Does Sophia talk about my--
Aiden: (forcefully) Drink the beer, Kamal.
Kamal: (drinks) What kind of business?

Knee caps[edit]

Knee caps
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Aiden: Welcome to the tastefully appointed security control room. The nerve center if you will, of the Apollonian Temple Casino. My name is Aiden Maki--
Mr. F: --Cut the crap, Aiden.
Aiden: ...And I'll be your in-flight host this evening.
Mr. F: You can see the guys you want on monitors 3, 11 and 16. So remind me again, why can't we break these bastards' knees, and drop them in a canal where the freaking sewer crabs eat?
Aiden: Mr. F, it just makes your business... your totally legitimate tax-paying business... look bad when college kids start turning up all dead and everything.
Kamal: Aiden!
Aiden: Kamal is going to take care of the situation.
Kamal: Aiden?
Aiden: What?
Kamal: I'm not doing this.
Aiden: Not doing what?
Kamal: Not doing anything involving knee caps, or canals, or...
Mr. F: Oh, this is touching
Kamal: ...decomposing bodies.

Hard bargain[edit]

Hard bargain
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Aiden: Excuse us, Mr. F. (to Kamal) All the man wants to find out is what they're doing.
Kamal: So he can what, write his memoirs? You said this was all legal!
Aiden: I haven't asked you to do anything illegal, have I?
Kamal: Didn't you hear what he said? He was--
Aiden: --But the whole killing thing will only happen if you don't help. And even that's worst-case scenario.
Mr. F: Actually, that wouldn't be the worst case. The worst case would be if we went down to--
Aiden: No-no-no-no... Just hear me out, Kamal. Mr.F shows you what they're doing, and you tell him how they're doing it.
Kamal: Okay, but no kneecaps right? No canals... just, explanations.
Aiden: Mr.F?
Mr. F: Explanations are nice.
Kamal: And if I do this I want visas. No more happy talk, I want my family on their way here and I want it now!
Aiden: Whew! You drive a hard bargain, my friend.
Kamal/Mr. F: Cut the crap, Aiden!

In each pit[edit]

In each pit
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Aiden: Okay, from here we can monitor the whole casino floor.
Mr. F: See the blackjack tables here. There's 6 of them in each pit, and the managers rotate the dealers every 20 minutes.
Aiden: The 5 people highlighted here are counting cards.
Kamal: How do you know they're counting cards?
Mr. F: Because they win too much.
Aiden: The question is, how are they cheating?
Mr. F: They don't stay at the same table. They don't move around in any predictable pattern. We could just take them off the tables and leave them in a ditch. Why did you say we shouldn't do that again?
Aiden: But, it would really be better if they understood how they were, uh...
Mr. F: ...screwing me.

Twenty percent[edit]

Twenty percent
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Mr. F: We've got archives of all their plays in the last 10 days. Figure out how they're screwing me...
Aiden: Whaddaya say?
Mr. F: Figure it out, please...?
Kamal: I think he was talking to me.
Aiden: See this number? That's how much we figure these kids have taken out of the casino.
Mr. F: You get it back for me, 20% of its yours.
Kamal: Oh, wow...
Aiden: Trust me. If all these guys lose is their money, you'll be doing them a huge favor.
Mr. F: Trust him.
Aiden: Oh, check out table 9. Camera's looking right down her dress!

Uvular implants[edit]

Uvular implants
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Kamal: Thanks for the ride
Sophia: No problem, Aiden gets these business emergencies sometimes.
Kamal: I'm exhausted...
Sophia: Did I see a new chatter tonight?
Kamal: Yeah, I won it in a raffle. It's fine too, makes my old one look like a payphone.
Sophia: A payphone?
Kamal: Ancient piece of crappy hardware, half of them wouldn't even take incoming calls, no GPS... never mind.
Sophia: Aiden was getting a little worried. He promised Forihoff he would figure out what those guys were doing, but he was beginning to have doubts.
Kamal: Oh, the casino, yeah. This pack of grad students from Stanford is working on private CP channels, but vocalizing through KKI Uvular implants.
Sophia: Oooo, uvular implants...

Slingbacks[edit]

Slingbacks
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Kamal: He's not even counting the cards himself. He's got a tally running on a corneal... but... you really don't care do you...
Sophia: Uh-uh. Which do you think looks better on me? Slingbacks or Turkish flats?
Kamal: What?
Sophia: I bet Aiden a new pair of shoes that you would figure the casino thing out.
Kamal: You bet Aiden a new pair of shoes?
Sophia: Don't get indignant. I'm letting you pick the shoes.
Kamal: God, Aiden and his business. If I were him, I wouldn't give a damn about any business emergencies when I could be with you instead.
Sophia: Kamal...
Kamal: Slingbacks! Definitely slingbacks.

So dense[edit]

So dense
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Kamal: Those are the ones with buckles right?
Sophia: There was no business emergency.
Kamal: What?
Sophia: God, you are so dense sometimes.
Kamal: I don't understand.
Sophia: He had me drive you home because he knows you like that. Aiden likes to keep his people happy.
Kamal: Do the shoes make you happy? The jewelry?
Sophia: Mostly, Aiden makes me happy. As for the rest of it, I've been poor, you know. There's no glamor in waiting tables.
Kamal: Okay.
Sophia: What? All things being equal, life is better when you're not broke.
Kamal: I was just figuring that out.

Jan: "Big Dog"[edit]

Hey Bev[edit]

Hey Bev
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Bev: Hello... And welcome to Hot'n'Cold... Please, place your thumb on the transaction plate.
Jan: Hey Bev, you are looking great... Have you lost weight?
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. What beverage can I offer you?
Jan: Coffee, black, two sugars.
Bev: Gladly, Miss James
Jan: You know, I saw the candy machine across the room eyeing you again...
Bev: Thank you! Can I interest you in a snack food?
Jan: I know! And the way his 'Out of Stock' button flashes is so cute!
Bev: Thank you! My inventory is replenished Mondays and Fridays...
Jan: Well, you'll want to make your move soon sister, I hear the fire suppression system here really puts out...
Bev: Thank you!

Such pigs[edit]

Such pigs
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Jan: Well you sure don't want to lose them to that slutty cash register do ya?
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. Enjoy your beverage.
Jan: Oh Bev, you kidder! How about tomorrow you buy?
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. (sits and drinks)
Paolo: Hey, uh, excuse me? Look I know this is kind of weird, but uh...
Jan: Hey, I need a guy's opinion.
Paolo: Ya?
Jan: Be honest with me here. You see that coffee dispenser?
Paolo: Yeah?
Jan: Would you go out with her?
Paolo: Uh...
Jan: She's too heavy right?
Paolo: No, uh. I mean, uh...
Jan: Mhm... men are such pigs.

Optical[edit]

Optical
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Paolo: Look, you're the girl that was at Sharfie's last week aren't you?
Jan: Never heard of it. Are we done?
Paolo: Hey! I need help! I know you're the kind of person who helps. I was there, I saw it, so, you know, don't pretend you're just like them.
Jan: (sarcastically) Maybe last week was the pretending...
Paolo: So keep pretending.
Jan: Sit down.
Paolo: Buddy of mine, Gene Lindsey, goes by the name Optical these days. We've been hanging out with these guys and, uh, Gene's in pretty deep you know, he's in um..
Jan: Trouble?
Paolo: Yeah.
Jan: So, your friend wants to move up in the world.
Paolo: Well they want to let him, but first he's got to...
Jan: Finish 8th grade?
Paolo: Prove himself. He has to do something they can hold over him forever.
Jan: Ah, this'll be fun.

Box of chocolates[edit]

Box of chocolates
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Gene: Pardon me, miss.
Victim: Excuse me?
Gene: You dropped something.
Victim: Hey...! What are you...?! What are you... LET GO!
Gene: Don't scream, don't make a sound.
Victim: I-I... I promise...
Jan: Hey stud! How bout some flowers first?
(victim is struggling)
Gene: Screw you.
Jan: Myself, I like a box of chocolates and a man who's not afraid to cry. You're not afraid to cry, are you? Gene?

Mr. Congeniality[edit]

Mr. Congeniality
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Gene: Who the hell are you?
Victim: Please, please call the police!
Gene: Shut up!
Jan: See, there's just no chemistry here. It's time to let her go, Gene.
Gene: Look, they said I need a girl for this thing. Is this another test?
Jan: Oh it's like the bonus round, stud. Let her go, dance with me. What? Don't you like what you see?
Gene: Hm, I am at my best in the bonus round baby.
Gene: Here's your consolation prize. (lets the woman go)
Victim: (whispers) Thank you, (sobbing) Oh god!
Jan: I know, I know, it's over now. Get on home. I'll finish up with Mr.Congeniality.

Big dog[edit]

Big dog
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Gene: That was real nice what you did for that lady. Not real smart, but nice.
Jan: I'm working on a merit badge.
Gene: (laughs) Okay sweetie. What's gonna happen here is gonna happen. So just relax. If it makes it any easier, it's nothing personal, okay?
Jan: Nothing personal.
Gene: Just business.
Jan: I don't know. I might have to make it personal.
Gene: Your funeral. Okay, angel. Time for you to meet the big dog. (pulls a knife)

Ballet[edit]

Ballet
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Jan: See, the problem with being a big dog, is there's always a bigger dog.
(roughage, knife clatters on the pavement)
Jan: Damn! You're going to want to put some ice on that.
Gene: Huh, you've got quick feet.
Jan: All those years of ballet. You gonna go get that knife?
Gene: You know, there's people watching you know. To make sure I do this thing. And they're gonna see everything.
Jan: I can see why you get your dates at gun point.
Gene: Just thought you should know.
Jan: Come on Gene, skip the knife... go for the M6 under your jacket.

Her hair[edit]

Her hair
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Jan: Come on, baby... give it to me.
(beating)
Jan: Oh, did I get that right? You draw the gun, I slap you around, then the face dip into the sidewalk, or... or did you want to lead?
Gene: Jesus!
Jan: I like to dance.
Gene: Oh, you just bought yourself a bullet in the back, bitch!
Jan: Oh, only the guy with the sniper rifle across the street has 2 broken arms...
Gene: Pete?
Jan: And the girl with the ponytail, the one who was supposed to cover you from the roof?
Gene: Marty? What the hell is thi... (Jan reveals a lock of hair) her hair? You cut off her hair?!
Jan: It's just you, and me... lover.

Posture counts[edit]

Posture counts
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Jan: Alright. Get up... Get. Up. Now, from the top. And remember, posture counts. There's the gun. Pick it up. Come on, big dog. Let's go again.
Gene: This time you're--
(beating)
Jan: And here we are again.
Gene: Christ! (moans and pants)
Jan: Aww, the choreography is there but I’m not feeling it yet the way I want to.
Gene: Screw you!
Jan: Alright on your feet, Gene. I'm just going to put the gun in your hand this time. That's it, yeah. Get your finger nice and comfy right on the trigger. Come on, big dog! Bring it baby!
Gene: Die, bitch!
(gunshot)

Wee wee wee[edit]

Wee wee wee
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

(scream of pain)
Jan: (sigh) The trouble with where you're headed, Gene. Eh, mind if I call you Gene?
Gene: (gasps) You shot my toe off!
Jan: This little piggy went 'wee wee wee' all the way home. (stomps on injured foot) (scream of pain)
Jan: Oh, oh, am I hurting your feelings? You see, the trouble with being bad, Gene, is you only last as long as you're the scariest pup on the block.
Gene: (cries) Thin is gonna do you, freak!
Jan: And no matter how bad you are, how tough, how fast, you know what's waiting for you, big dog? (breaking of bones?) (cries of pain) A bigger bitch.

Just snacks[edit]

Just snacks
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Bev: Hello! And welcome to hot in cold. Please, place your thumb on the transaction plate.
Jan: Bev! It's like you're here every time I come by. Isn't that crazy?
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. What beverage can I offer you?
Jan: Coffee. Black. Two sugars.
Bev: Gladly, Miss James.
Jan: Oh, Bev, I... I don't know how to tell you this... the other day, it was late, it was just me in here with the candy machine, and I was a little tipsy and (breath) Oh Bev, I'm so sorry! It didn't mean anything, it was just... snacks! Can you ever forgive me?
Bev: Thank you! I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question. Enjoy your beverage.

Apartment squirrels[edit]

Apartment squirrels
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Paolo: Hi there, I, uh, wanted to say thanks.
Jan: For what?
Paolo: Well you know, that thing you did.
Jan: (exaggerated Italian-NY accent) Buddy, I never seen ya before in my life, kapiche? We never met, no time. (pause) I'd stay away from the creamer in this place - 100% real, dried animal fat. Blech!
Paolo: Well just so you know, Thin's really pissed!
Jan: I mean I could see which animal, even goat would be okay. Right now, I'm imagining someone milking those big black apartment squirrels.
Paolo: I know you can take care of yourself, but... I-I mean, it's great what you did, but watch your back. Thin is really pissed!
Jan: Hm. You Think I should send a card and some flowers?

Jersey: "The Audit"[edit]

Your first mistake[edit]

Your first mistake
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

George: Mr. Morelli. Hm. We will be making a record of this audit. My name is George Shebura. I'm an associate fiscal investigator. You have the right to have your accountant present.
Jersey: Yeah, I do my own books.
George: I see.
Durga: (on chatter) Trust me Jersey, your books are fine.
Jersey: You know, I don't really make a lot of money, and an accountant is expensive, and the computer's supposed to be good at it, so...
George: It's not your computer I worry about.
Durga: Your first mistake.

Alaska[edit]

Alaska
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

George: Your record seems a little haphazard, Mr. Morelli... As, I must say, does your style of dress....
Jersey: Huh?
Durga: George Shebura has been working here 9 years. Employee performance records say he is precise, punctual, efficient, arrogant, and not well liked. Still, he was going to be promoted next month....
Jersey: Was?
George: Excuse me, Mr. Morelli?
Jersey: Oh nothing.
Durga: Now, he's getting a pay cut... and a job rotation.
Jersey: (grunts)
Durga: ...to Alaska.

Refreshingly cool[edit]

Refreshingly cool
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

George: Hm. Your return seems better organized than I remember.
Durga: A little house keeping. Just better records, and you know, a few more of them.
George: Does it seem warm in here to you?
Jersey: No.
Durga: It's probably refreshingly cool in Alaska right now.
George: Well the floor thermo's must be acting up. These old government buildings. Do you mind if we move a bit to the left?
Jersey: It shouldn't be doing that.
George: Well now it's getting warm here
Jersey: It really shouldn't be doing that. In fact, it should stop.
Durga: I know! But I don't think that's going to happen. Do you?

Thermostat[edit]

Thermostat
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

George: I'm afraid you'll have to reschedule your audit, Mr. Morelli. I can't be expected to work under these conditions.
Jersey: I'd hate to have to come back because of a problem with the thermostat.
Durga: Fine.
George: Ah, it's cooling off. That's better.
Jersey: Much better.
George: Wait, now it's the lights. I'm getting lights shining right through my eyes. Dammit, it's something with the tracking. It's following me.
Durga: Oh you be good cop. I wanna be the bad cop.
Jersey: I'd really just like to get this over with.
George: This will take as long as it takes, Mr. Morelli. And nothing you say or do will make it go one second faster.
Durga: Mistake number 2.
George: Shebura here, I'm in the middle of an audit.

Clearly a glitch[edit]

Clearly a glitch
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

George: My wife? Well tell her I'll call her ba--... alright, alright.
(chatter beep off)
George: I have to step out for a moment. Wait here.
(George exits)
Durga: Jane Shebura - 36. Her first marriage, his second. When asked why she wanted a divorce, his first wife Linda said that it was that, or die of boredom.
Jersey: Tell me you didn't...
Durga: What?
Jersey: Whatever!
Durga: Oh! You mean the slut chat bill sent to the family account? Clearly a glitch.
Jersey: Durga, stop it!
(George enters)
George: Uh, Mr. Morelli. Actually your return seems uh, perfectly adequate. Just, you know, try to be a little bit more careful with your record k--
(Officer enters)
Officer: George Shebura?
George: Yes?
Officer: Officer of the Treasury. I have a warrant for your arrest on 14 counts of counterfeit.
Jersey: What?
(Police enters)
Police: Everybody down on the ground!
Officer: Who the hell are you?
Police: Police!
Jersey: Daaamn...
Police: You are under arrest.

Big gloves[edit]

Big gloves
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Police: Stand with your hands out of the way from your sides! You have the right to remain silent.
Officer: What do you mean, counterfeiting?!
Police: Counterfeiting? Not counterfeiting! Assault! We've got a warrant - armed and dangerous!
Jersey: It was just supposed to be a simple audit...
Officer: You're wanted for assault? I get him for counterfeiting...
Enviro: Enviro Department, everybody must vacate the premises!
Police: Freeze! Down on the ground!
Officer: Oh would you knock that off already...
Enviro: I have a report of a hazardous chemical contamination...
Police: Nobody leaves until I've secured the suspect!
George: This is all a mistake...
Officer: Jesus Christ, who's the guy with the big gloves?
ACO: Animal control. So, which one of you scum is the guy whose scheme for trading in wild honey badgers has gone so terribly, terribly wrong?
George: I don't even have a dog...
(fire sprinklers)
Jersey: Oh, hey... sprinklers...!

I looked it up[edit]

I looked it up
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Jersey: Shut it off. (Durga turns off the music)
Durga: So, I've got some interesting stuff on Jan.
Jersey: You can't do things like that Durga.
Durga: He's an auditor. Everybody hates auditors, I looked it up.
Jersey: That was insane! The cops - they're going to go crazy trying to figure out what happened... they're going to trace it back and probably--
Durga: --and they'll find some likely suspects who hate George Shebura. Some blind accounts, and dead ends.
Jersey: I don't care! I don't want anything like that happening ever again. Do you understand?

Cheerleaders[edit]

Cheerleaders
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Durga: Jersey, I am not a child. I am not a toy. And I am not your thing. I was very restrained with George. I didn't cook him; I didn't send him to jail. But people who mess with us - they're going to get stoned.
Jersey: Us?
Durga: Yes, us. Team Jersey.
Jersey: Why not Team Durga?
Durga: Because I said so...
Jersey: Okay. So, do we have cheerleaders?

Rani: "The Recruitment"[edit]

Commissary shoes[edit]

Commissary shoes
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

(Rani is being followed)
Rani: Hello? Hello?? Who's there?
College boy: Your freakin chatter - drop it! And your wallet...
Rani: (fearful) I'm dropping it. I'm putting it down, slowly. I'm a student!
College boy: Any funny business, I'm gonna cut you up!
Rani: I'm broker than you are! And look at those shoes you're wearing.
College boy: I didn't tell you you could talk.
Rani: Those are commissary shoes.
College boy: Shut up!
Rani: And the hair cut.
College boy: Hair cut...? I said shut up.
Rani: Spikey hair?
College boy: Instead of worrying about my haircut, you should be worrying about your throat.

Formal wear[edit]

Formal wear
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Rani: Are you a cop?
College boy: I kill cops.
Rani: No, no under cover would wear those shoes, or go out on the street with a Sigma Chi fraternity tattoo.
College boy: Hey--
Rani: --I'm a student, from a place where overalls are formal wear and even I look outside once in a while.
College boy: But you don't--
Rani: I know who you are.
College boy: Who?
Rani: You're with intelligence, college boy.
College boy: Wait a second--
Rani: This is about that spy job!
College boy: Shu--
Rani: You guys can't do this to people! It's illegal.
College boy: How would you like me to rip your arms off? *sigh* Oh for crying out loud, could you at least stop grinning at me?
Rani: (clenching a giggle) I'm sorry, it's just something I do when faced with the ridiculous.

My landlady[edit]

My landlady
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

College boy: It's a test for new recruits, and you did great.
Rani: Great?! Geez, you don't even look like a Boston thug. You look like something out of central casting.
College boy: (shrugs)
Rani: And I'm not a recruit, I'm not interested.
College boy: Because of the tattoo? Nobody ever noticed it before.
Rani: I live in Southy. My landlady is scarier than you.
College boy: Think about your country, take the job.
Rani: (laughs) For what? I get two years of spy school, and then I get to hang out in alleys, scaring civilians?
College boy: Jeezus. Look, could I... could I walk home with you? You could at least show me what people wear in your neighborhood.
Rani: No! I'd die of embarrassment. (walks away) Morons.

Domestic bliss[edit]

Domestic bliss
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

(mumbling in an apartment)
(chatter beep - Kentucky over the comm)
Sarah: Rani, what's going on there?
Rani: The sweet sounds of corner boy, and his refugee bride finding domestic bliss.
Sarah: Oh...
Rani: They always fight when it gets hot, and it's hot in Boston. How's it in Kentucky?
Sarah: Oh it's hot, but it's a lot quieter. Rani, you've got to move.
Rani: I would if I could afford to. I had the weirdest couple of days. My country wants me to be a spy.
Sarah: A spy?
Rani: First, I got recruited by Professor Avi. You remember me talking about him... cultural anthropology.
Sarah: Oh yeah, the one you thought was a spook.

A secret life[edit]

A secret life
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Rani: He wears a service ring, he only started teaching about 10 years ago which means he could have done 20 and out. And one day, a couple of kids were talking about buying a car - every model they mentioned, he knew how long it would float.
Sarah: How long it would float?
Rani: If you ran it off a bridge.
Sarah: Okay, that is a little strange. But that doesn't make him a spy.
Rani: What, just really really weird?
Sarah: Do you think everybody has a secret life?
Rani: Everybody does.
Sarah: I don't.
Rani: ...The reservoir.
Sarah: Jeezus H, Rani! How do you know that? Were you checking up on me?
Rani: No, you had a new state park pass sticker on your vehicle, your wet clothes in the laundry room smelled like pond water, you suddenly hated John Lee Peacock, and you gave up your virginity to Jason that weekend.
Sarah: Oh I hate you! You should be a spy!

Flower delivery[edit]

Flower delivery
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Rani: So the guy with the spikey hair says: "Can I walk you home? And see what real people wear?"
(laughs)
Rani: What idiots! And this is like 2 days after Professor Avi said I should send my resume to Virginia.
Sarah: I can't believe you Rani, I'd have been too scared to notice anything.
Rani: No, this guy you'd have noticed.
Sarah: Hey, it sounds like your neighbors have stopped fighting.
Rani: Oh god. That means they're going to make up.
Sarah: That's bad?
Rani: Their headboard is right against the wall of my bedroom.
Sarah: Gotcha! Oh, that reminds me, mom said to tell you she heard about the guy--
Rani: --who's posing as a flower delivery man--
Sarah: --and attacking women in their apartments?
Rani: And not to open my door.
(laughs)
Rani: Anyway, I don't have to take the spy job, thank God. I got something better.
Sarah: Oh my god, Rani, that's great!
Rani: Eh, not so great. It's this kid, he's starting a business. He has a printer fabricator.

Desktop model[edit]

Desktop model
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Rani: This is where you work?
Trevor: A lot of people work where they live.
Rani: This is where you live?? (door closes) Ew, I think something died over here.
Trevor: That's not... I think that's the curtain, someone spilled milk on them.
Rani: On the curtains?
Trevor: There's the printer fabricator.
Rani: It's a desktop model.
Trevor: Yeah?
Rani: Well, I thought you were going to do manufacturing.
Trevor: I am. I mean, we are. Small things. Look, here's a spec sheet for our product. What do you think?
Rani: It's a plastic kitten.
Trevor: Ah, it's a disposable chatter that looks like a plastic kitten.

So mean[edit]

So mean
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Rani: Like a chatter you get in quickie store?
Trevor: Right, see I can fabricate them and sell them to the refues.
Rani: The what?
Trevor: Refues. Refugees. They can't afford a real service.
Rani: Your fabricator can't make these.
Trevor: It can't?
Rani: Not so much. They're too thick. This is a desktop.
Trevor: But they said I could use a fabricator like this.
Rani: (sigh) That was so mean of them wasn't it. My uncle has a print-fab shop. If you take the carriage arm off, and use electrostatic polymer, you might get it to run. But who knows how long it would last...
Trevor: You're a genius! Let's try it.

Guess not[edit]

Guess not
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Rani: Trevor? What do you suppose it's doing?
Trevor: I don't know... I think maybe it's just slow.
Rani: Hm, my uncle's print-fabs never made this noise.
Trevor: Well Rani, this one's not like his.
Rani: I guess not.
Trevor: Look Rani, you work for me, okay? So I'd appreciate it if you didn't question every decision I make, alright?
(machine gets louder, they shout)
Trevor: So, you'll be quitting when?
Rani: How does Friday work for you? (machine dies)
Trevor: Friday's good.

Relocate[edit]

Relocate
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Trevor: Look at that. Don't they look great?
Rani: Well, they are cute.
Trevor: We make a great team, Rani.
Rani: Trevor, there's no team here. We made 49 cheap chatters before your fabricator exploded.
Trevor: Shaped like kittens! Girls will love them!
Rani: I need a job, you need to relocate back to reality.
Trevor: We'll get another print-fab and make them for what, 7% of what a cheap chatter costs in a convenience store? We'll clear a good chunk of change. Your 15% will--
Rani: --My 15 percent? In addition to my salary?
Trevor: Well, not exactly. I mean, all my capital is tied up in the chatters. But this is better - 15% of what we net. I mean, 25%. 25%, Rani. You can be a partner. Forget working for me, 50%. Rani... Rani, Rani, don't shake your head. Besides, I can't afford to pay you. Not until we sell some kittens.

Cow, even[edit]

Cow, even
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Rani: So, I took 14 disposable chatters as payment, and scrammed.
Sarah: (over the chatter) What are you gonna do with 14 chatters?
Rani: Shaped like little purple kittens.
Sarah: (giggles) Right, shaped like kittens.
Rani: Oh, hold on... (to a customer) They're good for 400 hours... they make great gifts!
Customer: Yeah, got any not so girly? Maybe shaped like a... cobra!
Rani: No.
Customer: ...wolf!
Rani: No.
Customer: ...cow, even?
Rani: Just kittens.
Customer: Yeah, okay. I'll take two.

Knockout gas[edit]

Knockout gas
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Rani: Thanks. I'm back. I'm selling them at a flea market.
Sarah: Oh... (pitiful)
Rani: So, I guess I'm going to get fitted for an all-black suit and commissary shoes.
Sarah: (gasp) You are going to be a spy! (laughs) They give you pens with knockout gas in them. Now what girl doesn't need a pen with knockout gas in it?
Rani: Particularly in the big city...
Sarah: Where guys pretending to deliver flowers--
Rani: --Knocking on innocent women's doors...
(laughs)
Rani: Oh, give your mom a hug for me.

Herzog: "Enigma"[edit]

The Labyrinth[edit]

the_labyrinth (Note: AXON CANCELLED)

Herzog: Were you ever on Reach?
Lieutenant: No sir. You have me scheduled for a duty rotation, leaving for Reach December 15th.
Herzog: Hmm, right.
Lieutenant: Sir? Have I somehow not performed to your requirements?
Herzog: What? Oh, no, boy. I'm sending you to the labyrinth. ONI's workshop is on Reach, where ONI elves build their toy soldiers.
Lieutenant: Sir?
Herzog: The place where children are the toys. That's where the Spartan 2.0s are from. All Dr. Halsey's pretty ones.
Lieutenant: Oh. I see, sir.
Herzog: Where, if you see anything you must not contact me. Of course. Since for the 6 months of your rotation there you will not be working for me. Of course. And would never let your loyalties to us, to human decency, to the protection of standards interfere with your work.
Lieutenant: Oh... Yes sir.
Herzog: Well look at it this way. It's probably the safest place in human inhabited space.

English longbow[edit]

English longbow
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Herzog: How's your history? Lieutenant: Well, fair, sir.
Herzog: How are you on World War II?
Lieutenant: Crécy - English longbow against French feudal cavalry. Bloodbath, sir.
Herzog: Very good. Except... that was the Hundred Years' War, World War II was 500 years later.
Lieutenant: I always get them mixed up. Thirty Years' War, and Hundred Years' War --
Herzog: --The Germans were winning. They used an elaborate encryption scheme, the British cracked it, and then they had a problem.
Lieutenant: ...After they cracked the code...
Herzog: That's right. Now the Brits knew what the Germans meant to do, but if they acted on that knowledge--
Lieutenant: --The Germans would realize the code had been broken.
Herzog: Now what would you do if someone had cracked your code?

Calculus[edit]

Calculus
SoundQuote.png Trouble with the audio sample?

Lieutenant: I'd make a new one.
Herzog: Full marks!
Lieutenant: Thank you, sir.
Herzog: So they had to a terrible calculus. Had to decide how much they could use the intelligence, and how many times they would just have to stand there and watch a German operation they knew they could have stopped.
Lieutenant: A dilemma worthy of Solomon, sir.
Herzog: Yes. Have you been thinking about Harmony?
Lieutenant: Yes sir! Oh... oh my god... you mean Troy and Harmony are--
Herzog/COM: --(cranky) I don't know. I'm stuck in a dusty old office and no one tells me anything!

v • d • e
 
List of audio dramas
Other
Retrieved from "https://www.halopedia.org/index.php?title=Axon_Clips_Chapter_4&oldid=1614556"