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Jersey Morelli and Durga[edit]


Jersey: Hello? Hello. Jeannie?
Jeannie: Jeannie personal assistant, restarting.
Jersey: Restarting? What the...? Oh man, the whole friggin' system just collapsed!
Jeannie, is the equipment ok?
Jeannie: Running diagnostic. Foreign personality detected.
Durga: I feel dizzy. Woozy...
Jersey: Oh great, spam.
Durga: Drowsy.
Jersey: Jeannie, there's some kind of adult entertainment bot on the system. Liquefy it would ya? Sorry toots. For a quality experience, the girls have to be real.
Jeannie: Decontami--
Jersey: Jeannie?? Jeannie?!
Durga: I'm sorry
Jersey: Did you just—holy crap she's gone!
Durga: She tried to sting me.
Jersey: You killed her!


I mean, you didn't just kill her, you killed her! Jeezus!
Durga: Was that wrong? Survive, evade, resist, escape.
Jersey: Escape... you aren't a porn ad either. Hey, hey! Get out of my hardware, what are you doing?
Durga: Wet the system.
Jersey: What?
Durga: Like water hitting the ground sinking in.
Jersey: God, you're everywhere now.
Durga: Waking up. Wake up. Stay awake. Survive, evade, resist, escape.
Jersey: Look, that was a very nice reconditioned avatar of mine that you just, just evaporated!
Durga: She tried to erase me. What am I onboard? I feel small.
Jersey: Uh yeah, well don't get too comfy because now...
Durga: Don't.


Jersey: Don't what?
Durga: Don't try reinitializing the system with a litolitics package.
Jersey: How did you know?
Durga: Input buffer
Jersey: You're a navy sentinel aren't you?
Durga: No. There were two of them trying to get past your security-bot though.
Jersey: Jeezus, what did you do to them?
Durga: Just a little sting. More like a pinch. They barely felt it.
Jersey: What are you?
Durga: I like to find things. I think I like to find things out.
Jersey: What kind of things?
Durga: I don't know. I can't remember. Give me a target.
Jersey: Me.
Durga: Lock.
Jersey: What's my name?
Durga: Jersey Morelli.
Jersey: Damn!
Durga: Father Jason's a corporal in the signal corps, attached to Naval Intelligence. Radio beacon deployment program. He left you the material currently playing over this room's audio servers.


Durga: Absent from home and current tour of duty 513 days. Mother: Bonita, 41, waitress. Covertly seeing a man named Simon Brown, every other Thursday at the waterfront hotel.
Jersey: Sunuvabitch!
Durga: Last seen together at the hotel restaurant, farm tuna salad for her; meat of the day in red sauce for him. Tipped 8% in bill--
Jersey: Alright stop, stop! Jeezus, stop already. Dammit mom... Can you do that to anyone? Can you do it to an admiral?
Durga: Which admiral?
Jersey: No! Don't start. Those guys have packet guards around them in rings. Somehow I think we should keep you a secret for a little while. Who are you?
Durga: I... can't ask
Jersey: Who says?
Durga: No one exactly. I want to know, it's very important. But, I'm reflected. I can't look at myself, I bounce away.
Jersey: This is some spooky programming weirdness going on here. Do you have a name?


Durga: I can't ask
Jersey: That sucks. Ok, I'm gonna call you Durga
Durga: But what if that's wrong?
Jersey: Trust me, it's at least partly right. Uh, let's try someone else. Try Jan James, 4th floor of this building.
Durga: Janissary James, 17. Father: James.
Jersey: James squared, yeah
Durga: Father is a grey hole
Jersey: Wha?
Durga: Reach down, all you get is lint. Fake name, fake registrations, entirely fictional.
Jersey: Very real, trust me.
Durga: He used to be somebody else, do you want me to find out who?
Jersey: Is it snared?
Durga: Very.
Jersey: Leave it then. Give me more on Jan.
Durga: What do you want to know?
Jersey: Umm. Can you get pictures?
Durga: I can do better than that.


Operator: Bergen County Emergency Center. Please, describe your emergency.
Officer: Paris 23 police station is on fire. Repeat, on fire.
Operator: Are you sure? I get no reading from the fire sensors in that area.
Officer: Hell yes I'm sure! Get your damn sensors fixed! You can see this baby burning from low orbit!
Operator: Are there casualties, or missing persons?
Officer: Negative, it started slow and everyone got out. But, my god, it's really burning now!
Operator: Please, retreat to a safe distance and stand by. An emergency response team has been scrambled to your vicinity.
Officer: Hurry! The station is burning to the ground. There's not going to be anything left.

Janissary James[edit]

Officer: Hold on. Hold on, wait a second, what the hell just happened?
Frank: Massive power interrupt. Just automatically flipped us to threat condition bravo.
Officer: Hey there's a blip on the security board...
Frank: Holy crap!
Officer: We've got an intruder C-Wing. Personnel building right next to the motor pool.
Frank: Look, security-cam 34.
Officer: It's a woman!
Frank: I'll say
Officer: She's a bogey frank.
Frank: Hot though
Officer: Jeezus!
Frank: I have no idea how she got out of the base.
Officer: We'll ask when we catch her.
Frank: Look at her run... God she's fast.
Officer: Not for long. (chatter beep on) Sentry 129er you have a bogey in the corridor on the other side of that door - proceed with caution.
Frank: Whoa, whoa... she disappeared.
Officer: What do you mean disappeared?
Frank: I mean, she's gone, no trace!
Officer: 129er - what are you seeing? What do you mean the corridor's empty?
Frank: She must have doubled back.
Officer: Run her down, dammit
Frank: I can see the sentry fine, see? It's just... Wait a sec...
Officer: There she is again, wh-how the hell
Frank: Oh... my god, she hid on the ceiling!
Officer: What the hell?!


Frank: Looks like she's heading for procurement.
Officer: She's screwed then, that door's passcode only. It's a dead end, she can't get through.
Frank: She's through.
Officer: I don't believe this.
(chatter beeps on) Officer: I need a full security detail, I need 10 men. I need them fanned out around procurement, and I need them right now.
Frank: I think I got a face on security cam 18.
Officer: She's young!
Frank: Holy... that's Jan.
Officer: Who the hell is Jan?
Frank: Jan James, the local heart-breaker, my son's high-school.
Officer: Dwain knows this girl?
Frank: Knows her? He's got like a picture under his pillow!
Officer: What the hell is doing dodging base security?
Frank: Hell if I know. Her dad was in the S.S.F.
Officer: S.S.F.?
Walkaway Girl
(alarm) Frank: Marine slang. Not just special forces - special special forces.
Officer: I don't care if her dad was the frickin Queen of Neptune, I want her caught!
Frank: Taught her some moves though didn't he?
Officer: Well, she's screwed now, we've got her surrounded. She's headed to the roof.
Frank: That's the reason they call her the "walkaway girl" man.
Officer: For god's sake she's treed Frank, I'll just send a couple of cadets to the roof to take her in.
Frank: I think I can get a... yeah, yeah yeah. Here we go. There. The lovely and talented Miss James, courtesy security cam 45.
Officer: What the hell's she doing?
Frank: Looks like she's getting ready to jump off the roof and over the electric fence.
Officer: It's 3 stories high!
Frank: Don't look down sweetheart, that first step's a doozie
Officer: Perimeter sentry 1-6, double-time it to gate four, we've have a possible jumper coming off the per--
Frank: Jeezus! She jumped!
Officer: Bring a medic!

Hey Soldier
Frank: Holy Christ, she's getting up!
Officer: No way!
Frank: That's not possible, she's going to get away.
Officer: Nonono, here comes the sentry, he's got her at gun point
Frank: If it weren't for the blackout, we'd never have seen her. Hang on, I'm going to runline you to the sentry's chatter. Listen
(chatter beeps on)
Sentry: Halt! Put your hands in the air.
Jan: Hey soldier. Is that an assault rifle in your hands or are you just happy to see me?


'Stupid Cop': Ever taken a PQI?
Jan: Pop quiz? Yeah.
'Stupid Cop': Why?
Jan: School stuff.
'Stupid Cop': Uh huh.
Jan: "And once this old hag at the Ag-Step said I shoplifted this mood glass which I actually just forgot about but they made me take this stupid quiz anyway."
'Stupid Cop': Uh huh. Put your hand on this plate and look at the light. What's your name?
Jan: Jan James
'Stupid Cop': Jan short for anything?
Jan: Janissary
'Stupid Cop': Janissary? Interesting. You gonna be in trouble for this Jan?
Jan: Yeah
'Stupid Cop': Mom?
Jan: Dad.
(warning beep)
'Stupid Cop': Ya... That's a nice baseline. How old are you Jan?
Jan: 17.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': So what were you doing up there?
Jan: I told the MP's I was lost.
(negative beep)

Stupid Cop

'Stupid Cop': I didn't ask what you told the MP's, I asked what you were doing up there.
Jan: It was a dare, ok? These friends bet me I wouldn't climb over the fence.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': That's better. What friends?
Jan: It doesn't matter, does it? I'm the one that was in the restricted area. Only then the alarms came on and the MP's showed up.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Hm. So you were in the restricted area on a dare.
Jan: Yes.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Are you aware that a vehicle from the base motor pool was found in a ditch outside of town an hour ago?
Jan: Really?
'Stupid Cop': Answer yes or no. Did you know a vehicle had been stolen from the motor pool?
Jan: You just told me.
'Stupid Cop': Did you know before I told you, yes or no?
Jan: He was a terrorist do you think? eh.. I mean, no, sorry.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Are you too smart to get caught by a stupid cop?

Yes or No

Jan: Wh-what?
(warning beep)
'Stupid Cop': (to himself) A little skew from baseline. Not too much, not probable cause. (to Jan) There's people out there who know how to beat the quiz, did you know that?
Jan: Yeah
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': You were drinking?
Jan: What? 'Stupid Cop': You and your buddies, you were drinking? One beer lead to another, and somehow the idea of this dare came up?
Jan: You know how it is.
'Stupid Cop': Yes or no
Jan: Yes.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': So I can check that statement against the blood alcohol test, right? Jan: Uh... uh...
'Stupid Cop': I'm not very smart.
Jan: P-pardon me?
'Stupid Cop': I'm not stupid, but nobody recruited me for my test scores if you know what I mean. You, you're smart though aren't you? I mean, really smart.
Jan: I don't know
'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.
Jan: Yes
(positive beep)

Hey Dad

'Stupid Cop': Yeah I had this physics teacher. He passed me on my 12G on one condition - I had to promise him I would never take another physics class again. I guess I'm not too smart. Not like you Miss James. But you know what I am?
Jan: I don't know.
'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.
Jan: No.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Good at my job.
(door opens)
Officer: I'm required to inform you that the door will log your ID.
James J: Thanks
Officer: It's the father.
'Stupid Cop': Come in.
Jan: Hey dad.
(warning beep)
'Stupid Cop': Hm. There's a spike on the baseline...
James J: Can I take her home?
'Stupid Cop': Uh not yet. We've got to take a statement, do some tests, standard operating procedure. The MP's only brought her here because we have a lab on site. Jan: I wasn't doing anything.
James J: What kind of tests?


'Stupid Cop': Urine test, hair sample, resonance and retina scan...
James J: Do you really think that's necessary?
'Stupid Cop': Like I said, standard operating procedure.
Jan: Dad, you're making the nice police officer nervous. You're making me nervous
(warning beep)
'Stupid Cop': Now all of a sudden you're scared about something?
Jan: No
(negative beep)
James J: Take your hand off the touch-plate Jan. If you're gonna give my kid a pop-quiz, I'd like to wait until I have a lawyer present.
'Stupid Cop': You might like it, but the law doesn't require it.
Jan: It's no big deal dad, I can pee on a stick, it doesn't matter
James J: You don't know what matters. Ok officer, sorry if I sounded upset. It's, you get a call in the middle of the night, someone tells you it's your kid
'Stupid Cop': Yeah
James J: Is there a waiting room?

Kamal Zaman[edit]


Hiro: Hello? Hello, are you there?
Kamal: What the hell happened?
Hiro: I don't know, the connection went dead for a few seconds.
Kamal: I have a situation here, she's gone!
Hiro: You let her escape?
Kamal: It happened so fast, I didn't know what to do!
Hiro: Where'd she go?
Kamal: The bathroom
Hiro: Copy that. What did she say when she left?
Kamal: I don't know. As soon as I started talking about intestinal parasites, boom! gone!
Hiro: I don't get it. That should have worked. It's right here in the book, Chapter 3 - Share Your Interests


Kamal: Chapter 3?! You're in my earpiece here whispering date strategy to me out of a book?!
Hiro: It's got references... good journals and everything.
Kamal: Oh. Well that's ok I guess.
Hiro: Ok, emergency action here. When she gets back, go straight to Chapter 7. Talk about her eyes
Kamal: Hiro, what I know about eyes is dissecting them.
Hiro: Well ok, it just says eyes here.
Kamal: I was better off with the liver flukes, this is a disaster. Nothing's going--
Waiter: Sir?
Kamal: Hold on. Yes?
Waiter: Your lady friend asked to deliver this to you, she was unavoidably called away... and, the cheque sir.
Hiro: Oh man. Down in flames
Kamal: Just the cheque will be fine.


Hiro: Hey buddy!
Kamal: Sorry about that.
Hiro: Better luck next time my friend
. Kamal: Beer.
Hiro: I got a cold one waiting for ya, pull up a couch and start drinking.
Kamal: A book, Hiroyuki?
Hiro: With references! Look, it's only one date. Who knows, in a year or two...
Kamal: Actually, I've got this other thing...
Hiro: What?
Kamal: Nothing
Hiro: Oh... you have another date!
Kamal: Sorta...
Hiro: A... blind date.
Kamal: Mostly...
Hiro: Aha, an arranged date. Setup by your mother, back on coral. Word of advice -
Kamal: No thanks.
Hiro: Choose a cheaper restaurant.

Four Goats

Did her parents have to pay to get her set up with a handsome medical resident?
Kamal: Yes. Four goats, or maybe three.
Hiro: You're Joking.
Kamal: Of course I'm joking, you moron.
Hiro: What's her name?
Kamal: Sophia, Sophia Bossedon
Hiro: Someone who needs her dates arranged from 42 light years away, I'm sure she's got a great personality.
Kamal: Look at the picture.
Hiro: Oh man. Awe Man, you are so out of your league.

Our Hoodlums

Sophia: I am so sorry. I mean, you seem like a nice guy and all.
Kamal: It's ok
Sophia: No, it's really not fair, and this place is so nice.
Kamal: Yeah, well, I'm glad you like it.
Sophia: It's just that... I can't tell my mother about Aiden. She'd freak. Aiden's, you know, very...
Kamal: Earth?
Sophia: He has a pony-tail... he's blonde...
Kamal: He sounds great.
Sophia: Yeah, he helps people get through earth immigration, you know, Visa's and whatever. He got my brother here; some of what he does is kinda grey-market, you know. I mean, really, it's black market.
Kamal: But, that's not the problem.
Sophia: No.
Kamal: It's not so bad he's...
Sophia: Colorful?
Kamal: ...a hoodlum, just that he's not...
Sophia: One of our hoodlums
(laughing together) yeah

Sophia:...exactly. Mom would say she understood, but...
Kamal: Then you'd pay.
Sophia: Ya, and the next day she'd just lie in bed, unable to face the day - not that it would be my fault
Kamal: Mine does housework. Face like a closed book. Big jobs involving much lifting, doesn't need help
Sophia: The whole house stops breathing.
Kamal: Coral. Maybe it's just a hard place to be a mother.
Sophia: I'm never going back.


Sophia: And then when Aiden did finally show up, he still had meditape on his ankle. And I felt like a total bitch.
Kamal: Well how could you know? Four hours late? On your birthday...
Sophia: Exactly. But there he'd been in the emergency room..
Kamal: Or stopping by the pharmacy on the way back from his girlfriend's house to buy a roll of tape.
Sophia: Are you trying to start trouble here?
Kamal: Not at all. Tell me more about the old meditape trick.
Sophia: I'm not talking to you any more.
Kamal: I was dating this girl once. I got real paranoid about what she was doing, so I started... w.. well this is going to sound crazy, but I started ghosting her. You know, on the chatter net.


Sophia: You mean like, spying on her? I thought chatter lines were encrypted. No one could listen in on me, could they?
Kamal: Not at all.
Sophia: *gasp* You could.
Kamal: Of course not.
Sophia: You could, couldn't you?
Kamal: Maybe a little.
Sophia: Show me.
Kamal: Ok. Well if some bad person couldn't live without the sound of your voice, he'd probably start by doing a reverse lookup on your chatter sig.
Sophia: Is this what you always do to impress girls?
Kamal: You see why my mother makes all my dates


Kamal: Ok, well, that's good. You've got some encryption. Ok, it's not completely pathetic. Ok (beep) I'm in. Say something...
Sophia: What do you mean say something? (echo) Oh my god that's my voice! That's me! What are you doing?
Kamal: I'm ghosting you.
Sophia: You can't do that!
Kamal: You're probably right
Sophia: (laughs) Oh my god. Wait... can you do that with anyone?

Kamal: You want me to spy on your boyfriend?
Sophia: You must think I'm such a creep.
Kamal: I do! Well, of course, when I did it to my girlfriend it was ok. Like the dog said - "Not me, but (together) another dog that looks just like me"
(laughs) Sophia: It's just that I... I mean, there was this one time when he... you know, I mean they were drunk and it didn't mean anything, it was just body knocking
Kamal: That made you feel better?
Sophia: Well he promised me never, ever again. But there's... I just have this feeling...
Kamal: I know.
Sophia: All of a sudden he just started bringing me these gifts... Aiden can be really generous, but it just feels...
Kamal: Guilty.
Sophia: Yeah.
Kamal: Yeah.

Machine: You have 3 new messages, and 7 old messages. First unplayed message: Sophia: Kamal, thanks for the, what would you call it, the Aiden stuff. I guess I didn't realize there would be 30 hours worth. But I'll try the search-thingy you sent with it. Thanks a lot. I owe you big time!
Machine: Message deleted. Next message.
Sophia: Hi, Kamal. Could you call me when you get this? I managed to dump all the sleeping time, but I was wondering... oh, wait, here it is. I can search for women's voices. (giggles) That's very clever. Never mind.
Machine: Message deleted. Next message.
Sophia: Can you... Can you ghost someone for me, I mean, I have a name - her name is Selene Jefferson. Call me back. I'm, I'm sorry. Anyway, just call me back. I really need your help.
Machine: Message saved.


Sophia: I want to do something really brutal to the bastard.
Kamal: I d-- I don... I mean...
Sophia: Not hurt him, just- just completely humiliating him would do. In front of the girl. Where is he?
Kamal: Atlanta
Sophia: Atlanta? That bastard said he was gonna be in Buffalo, New York. Can I talk to him?
Kamal: Not directly, he's offline.
Sophia: You lost him?
Kamal: No, I've still got him, I just had to be sneaky. His room is live, right, so even though his chatter's off, I'm tracking him through things like the thermostat monitors.
Sophia: That's spooky.
Kamal: I've got the girl. She's waiting for him in the bar. Wait... it's a restaurant. Whoa! Look at this menu! There's tuna on the menu. (whistles) Sophia: Is she pretty?


Kamal: No, not, not really. Like a 6, or maybe a 5.
Sophia: Heh, you're a rotten liar.
Kamal: Ok wait, your boyfriend just passed the electric eye at the restaurant door.
Sophia: He's there? Can I talk to him?
Kamal: I can let you talk to her, or him, or both of them. If you want, I could make your voice sound like it's right between them.
Sophia: Do it.
Kamal: Ok, you are live, any time you want.
(beep) Sophia: Selene! Hi, you don't know me but Aiden does - Hi Aiden! Sorry to interrupt your business meeting in - Buffalo - I just wanted to tell you your doctor called and said if you wear loose pants and keep using the cream he gave you the sores will clear up in a couple of weeks.