I Love Bees Axon Clips - Links.html: Difference between revisions
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{{Status|Apocrypha}} | |||
==[[Jersey Morelli]] and [[Durga]]== | ==[[Jersey Morelli]] and [[Durga]]== | ||
{{AxonClips}} | {{AxonClips}} | ||
< | <br /> | ||
[[Media:Dizzy.ogg|Dizzy | [[Media:ILB Dizzy.ogg|Dizzy]] | ||
Jersey: Hello? Hello. Jeannie?<br /> | |||
Jeannie: Jeannie personal assistant, restarting.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Restarting? What the...? Oh man, the whole friggin' system just collapsed! <br />Jeannie, is the equipment ok?<br /> | |||
Jeannie: Running diagnostic. Foreign personality detected.<br /> | |||
Durga: I feel dizzy. Woozy...<br /> | |||
Jersey: Oh great, spam.<br /> | |||
Durga: Drowsy.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Jeannie, there's some kind of adult entertainment bot on the system. Liquefy it would ya? Sorry toots. For a quality experience, the girls have to be real.<br /> | |||
Jeannie: Decontami--<br /> | |||
Jersey: Jeannie?? Jeannie?!<br /> | |||
Durga: I'm sorry<br /> | |||
Jersey: Did you just—holy crap she's gone!<br /> | |||
Durga: She tried to sting me.<br /> | |||
Jersey: You killed her! <br /> | |||
[[Media:ILB Escape.ogg|Escape]] | |||
I mean, you didn't just kill her, you killed her! Jeezus!<br /> | |||
Durga: Was that wrong? Survive, evade, resist, escape.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Escape... you aren't a porn ad either. Hey, hey! Get out of my hardware, what are you doing?<br /> | |||
Durga: Wet the system.<br /> | |||
Jersey: What?<br /> | |||
Durga: Like water hitting the ground sinking in.<br /> | |||
Jersey: God, you're everywhere now.<br /> | |||
Durga: Waking up. Wake up. Stay awake. Survive, evade, resist, escape.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Look, that was a very nice reconditioned avatar of mine that you just, just evaporated!<br /> | |||
Durga: She tried to erase me. What am I onboard? I feel small.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Uh yeah, well don't get too comfy because now...<br /> | |||
Durga: Don't.<br /> | |||
[[Media:ILB Jersey.ogg|Jersey]] | |||
Jersey | |||
Jersey | |||
Jersey: Don't what?<br /> | |||
Durga: Don't try reinitializing the system with a litolitics package.<br /> | |||
Jersey: How did you know?<br /> | |||
Durga: Input buffer<br /> | |||
Jersey: You're a navy sentinel aren't you?<br /> | |||
Durga: No. There were two of them trying to get past your security-bot though.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Jeezus, what did you do to them?<br /> | |||
Durga: Just a little sting. More like a pinch. They barely felt it.<br /> | |||
Jersey: What are you?<br /> | |||
Durga: I like to find things. I think I like to find things out.<br /> | |||
Jersey: What kind of things?<br /> | |||
Durga: I don't know. I can't remember. Give me a target.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Me.<br /> | |||
Durga: Lock.<br /> | |||
Jersey: What's my name?<br /> | |||
Durga: Jersey Morelli.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Damn!<br /> | |||
Durga: Father Jason's a corporal in the signal corps, attached to Naval Intelligence. Radio beacon deployment program. He left you the material currently playing over this room's audio servers. <br /> | |||
[[Media:ILB Reflected.ogg|Reflected]]<br /> | |||
Durga: Absent from home and current tour of duty 513 days. Mother: Bonita, 41, waitress. Covertly seeing a man named Simon Brown, every other Thursday at the waterfront hotel.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Sunuvabitch!<br /> | |||
Durga: Last seen together at the hotel restaurant, farm tuna salad for her; meat of the day in red sauce for him. Tipped 8% in bill--<br /> | |||
Jersey: Alright stop, stop! Jeezus, stop already. Dammit mom... Can you do that to anyone? Can you do it to an admiral?<br /> | |||
Durga: Which admiral?<br /> | |||
Jersey: No! Don't start. Those guys have packet guards around them in rings. Somehow I think we should keep you a secret for a little while. Who are you?<br /> | |||
Durga: I... can't ask<br /> | |||
Jersey: Who says?<br /> | |||
Durga: No one exactly. I want to know, it's very important. But, I'm reflected. I can't look at myself, I bounce away.<br /> | |||
Jersey: This is some spooky programming weirdness going on here. Do you have a name?<br /> | |||
[[Media:ILB Durga.ogg|Durga]] | |||
Durga | |||
Durga | |||
Durga: I can't ask<br /> | |||
Jersey: That sucks. Ok, I'm gonna call you Durga<br /> | |||
Durga: But what if that's wrong?<br /> | |||
Jersey: Trust me, it's at least partly right. Uh, let's try someone else. Try Jan James, 4th floor of this building.<br /> | |||
Durga: Janissary James, 17. Father: James.<br /> | |||
Jersey: James squared, yeah<br /> | |||
Durga: Father is a grey hole<br /> | |||
Jersey: Wha?<br /> | |||
Durga: Reach down, all you get is lint. Fake name, fake registrations, entirely fictional.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Very real, trust me.<br /> | |||
Durga: He used to be somebody else, do you want me to find out who?<br /> | |||
Jersey: Is it snared?<br /> | |||
Durga: Very.<br /> | |||
Jersey: Leave it then. Give me more on Jan.<br /> | |||
Durga: What do you want to know?<br /> | |||
Jersey: Umm. Can you get pictures?<br /> | |||
Durga: I can do better than that.<br /> | |||
[[Media:Emergency.ogg|Emergency]] | [[Media:ILB Emergency.ogg|Emergency]] | ||
Operator: Bergen County Emergency Center. Please, describe your emergency.< | Operator: Bergen County Emergency Center. Please, describe your emergency.<br /> | ||
Officer: Paris 23 police station is on fire. Repeat, on fire.< | Officer: Paris 23 police station is on fire. Repeat, on fire.<br /> | ||
Operator: Are you sure? I get no reading from the fire sensors in that area.< | Operator: Are you sure? I get no reading from the fire sensors in that area.<br /> | ||
Officer: Hell yes I'm sure! Get your damn sensors fixed! You can see this baby burning from low orbit!< | Officer: Hell yes I'm sure! Get your damn sensors fixed! You can see this baby burning from low orbit!<br /> | ||
Operator: Are there casualties, or missing persons?< | Operator: Are there casualties, or missing persons?<br /> | ||
Officer: Negative, it started slow and everyone got out. But, my god, it's really burning now!< | Officer: Negative, it started slow and everyone got out. But, my god, it's really burning now!<br /> | ||
Operator: Please, retreat to a safe distance and stand by. An emergency response team has been scrambled to your vicinity.< | Operator: Please, retreat to a safe distance and stand by. An emergency response team has been scrambled to your vicinity.<br /> | ||
Officer: Hurry! The station is burning to the ground. There's not going to be anything left.< | Officer: Hurry! The station is burning to the ground. There's not going to be anything left.<br /> | ||
==[[Janissary James]]== | ==[[Janissary James]]== | ||
[[Media:ILB Blip.ogg|Blip]]<br /> | |||
Officer: Hold on. Hold on, wait a second, what the hell just happened?<br /> | |||
Frank: Massive power interrupt. Just automatically flipped us to threat condition bravo.<br /> | |||
Officer: Hey there's a blip on the security board...<br /> | |||
Frank: Holy crap!<br /> | |||
Officer: We've got an intruder C-Wing. Personnel building right next to the motor pool.<br /> | |||
Frank: Look, security-cam 34.<br /> | |||
Officer: It's a woman!<br /> | |||
Frank: I'll say<br /> | |||
Officer: She's a bogey frank.<br /> | |||
Frank: Hot though<br /> | |||
Officer: Jeezus!<br /> | |||
Frank: I have no idea how she got out of the base.<br /> | |||
Officer: We'll ask when we catch her.<br /> | |||
Frank: Look at her run... God she's fast.<br /> | |||
Officer: Not for long. (chatter beep on) Sentry 129er you have a bogey in the corridor on the other side of that door - proceed with caution.<br /> | |||
Frank: Whoa, whoa... she disappeared.<br /> | |||
Officer: What do you mean disappeared?<br /> | |||
Frank: I mean, she's gone, no trace!<br /> | |||
Officer: 129er - what are you seeing? What do you mean the corridor's empty?<br /> | |||
Frank: She must have doubled back.<br /> | |||
Officer: Run her down, dammit<br /> | |||
Frank: I can see the sentry fine, see? It's just... Wait a sec...<br /> | |||
Officer: There she is again, wh-how the hell<br /> | |||
Frank: Oh... my god, she hid on the ceiling!<br /> | |||
Officer: What the hell?!<br /> | |||
[[Media: | [[Media:ILB Pillow.ogg|Pillow]]<br /> | ||
Frank: Looks like she's heading for procurement.< | Frank: Looks like she's heading for procurement.<br /> | ||
Officer: She's screwed then, that door's passcode only. It's a dead end, she can't get through.< | Officer: She's screwed then, that door's passcode only. It's a dead end, she can't get through.<br /> | ||
Frank: She's through.< | Frank: She's through.<br /> | ||
Officer: I don't believe this.< | Officer: I don't believe this.<br /> | ||
(chatter beeps on) | (chatter beeps on) | ||
Officer: I need a full security detail, I need 10 men. I need them fanned out around procurement, and I need them right now.< | Officer: I need a full security detail, I need 10 men. I need them fanned out around procurement, and I need them right now.<br /> | ||
Frank: I think I got a face on security cam 18.< | Frank: I think I got a face on security cam 18.<br /> | ||
Officer: She's young!< | Officer: She's young!<br /> | ||
Frank: Holy... that's Jan.< | Frank: Holy... that's Jan.<br /> | ||
Officer: Who the hell is Jan?< | Officer: Who the hell is Jan?<br /> | ||
Frank: Jan James, the local heart-breaker, my son's high-school.< | Frank: Jan James, the local heart-breaker, my son's high-school.<br /> | ||
Officer: Dwain knows this girl?< | Officer: Dwain knows this girl?<br /> | ||
Frank: Knows her? He's got like a picture under his pillow!< | Frank: Knows her? He's got like a picture under his pillow!<br /> | ||
Officer: What the hell is doing dodging base security?< | Officer: What the hell is doing dodging base security?<br /> | ||
Frank: Hell if I know. Her dad was in the S.S.F.< | Frank: Hell if I know. Her dad was in the S.S.F.<br /> | ||
Officer: S.S.F.?< | Officer: S.S.F.?<br /> | ||
[[Media:Walkaway girl.ogg|Walkaway Girl]] < | [[Media:ILB Walkaway girl.ogg|Walkaway Girl]] <br /> | ||
(alarm) | (alarm) | ||
Frank: Marine slang. Not just special forces - special special forces.< | Frank: Marine slang. Not just special forces - special special forces.<br /> | ||
Officer: I don't care if her dad was the frickin Queen of Neptune, I want her caught!< | Officer: I don't care if her dad was the frickin Queen of Neptune, I want her caught!<br /> | ||
Frank: Taught her some moves though didn't he?< | Frank: Taught her some moves though didn't he?<br /> | ||
Officer: Well, she's screwed now, we've got her surrounded. She's headed to the roof.< | Officer: Well, she's screwed now, we've got her surrounded. She's headed to the roof.<br /> | ||
Frank: That's the reason they call her the "walkaway girl" man.< | Frank: That's the reason they call her the "walkaway girl" man.<br /> | ||
Officer: For god's sake she's treed Frank, I'll just send a couple of cadets to the roof to take her in.< | Officer: For god's sake she's treed Frank, I'll just send a couple of cadets to the roof to take her in.<br /> | ||
Frank: I think I can get a... yeah, yeah yeah. Here we go. There. The lovely and talented Miss James, courtesy security cam 45.< | Frank: I think I can get a... yeah, yeah yeah. Here we go. There. The lovely and talented Miss James, courtesy security cam 45.<br /> | ||
Officer: What the hell's she doing?< | Officer: What the hell's she doing?<br /> | ||
Frank: Looks like she's getting ready to jump off the roof and over the electric fence.< | Frank: Looks like she's getting ready to jump off the roof and over the electric fence.<br /> | ||
Officer: It's 3 stories high!< | Officer: It's 3 stories high!<br /> | ||
Frank: Don't look down sweetheart, that first step's a doozie< | Frank: Don't look down sweetheart, that first step's a doozie<br /> | ||
Officer: Perimeter sentry 1-6, double-time it to gate four, we've have a possible jumper coming off the per--< | Officer: Perimeter sentry 1-6, double-time it to gate four, we've have a possible jumper coming off the per--<br /> | ||
Frank: Jeezus! She jumped!< | Frank: Jeezus! She jumped!<br /> | ||
Officer: Bring a medic!< | Officer: Bring a medic!<br /> | ||
[[Media:Hey soldier.ogg|Hey Soldier]]< | [[Media:ILB Hey soldier.ogg|Hey Soldier]]<br /> | ||
(beep)< | (beep)<br /> | ||
Frank: Holy Christ, she's getting up!< | Frank: Holy Christ, she's getting up!<br /> | ||
Officer: No way!< | Officer: No way!<br /> | ||
Frank: That's not possible, she's going to get away.< | Frank: That's not possible, she's going to get away.<br /> | ||
Officer: Nonono, here comes the sentry, he's got her at gun point< | Officer: Nonono, here comes the sentry, he's got her at gun point<br /> | ||
Frank: If it weren't for the blackout, we'd never have seen her. Hang on, I'm going to runline you to the sentry's chatter. Listen< | Frank: If it weren't for the blackout, we'd never have seen her. Hang on, I'm going to runline you to the sentry's chatter. Listen<br /> | ||
(chatter beeps on)< | (chatter beeps on)<br /> | ||
Sentry: Halt! Put your hands in the air.< | Sentry: Halt! Put your hands in the air.<br /> | ||
Jan: Hey soldier. Is that an assault rifle in your hands or are you just happy to see me?< | Jan: Hey soldier. Is that an assault rifle in your hands or are you just happy to see me?<br /> | ||
[[Media:Pqi.ogg|PQI]] | [[Media:ILB Pqi.ogg|PQI]] | ||
'Stupid Cop': Ever taken a PQI?<br /> | |||
Jan: Pop quiz? Yeah.<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Why?<br /> | |||
Jan: School stuff.<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Uh huh.<br /> | |||
Jan: "And once this old hag at the Ag-Step said I shoplifted this mood glass which I actually just forgot about but they made me take this stupid quiz anyway."<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Uh huh. Put your hand on this plate and look at the light. What's your name?<br /> | |||
Jan: Jan James<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Jan short for anything?<br /> | |||
Jan: Janissary<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Janissary? Interesting. You gonna be in trouble for this Jan?<br /> | |||
Jan: Yeah<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Mom?<br /> | |||
Jan: Dad.<br /> | |||
(warning beep)<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Ya... That's a nice baseline. How old are you Jan?<br /> | |||
Jan: 17.<br /> | |||
(positive beep)<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': So what were you doing up there?<br /> | |||
Jan: I told the MP's I was lost.<br /> | |||
(negative beep)<br /> | |||
[[Media:ILB Stupid cop.ogg|Stupid Cop]] <br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': I didn't ask what you told the MP's, I asked what you were doing up there.<br /> | |||
Jan: It was a dare, ok? These friends bet me I wouldn't climb over the fence.<br /> | |||
(positive beep)<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': That's better. What friends?<br /> | |||
Jan: It doesn't matter, does it? I'm the one that was in the restricted area. Only then the alarms came on and the MP's showed up.<br /> | |||
(positive beep)<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Hm. So you were in the restricted area on a dare.<br /> | |||
Jan: Yes.<br /> | |||
(positive beep)<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Are you aware that a vehicle from the base motor pool was found in a ditch outside of town an hour ago?<br /> | |||
Jan: Really?<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Answer yes or no. Did you know a vehicle had been stolen from the motor pool?<br /> | |||
Jan: You just told me.<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Did you know before I told you, yes or no?<br /> | |||
Jan: He was a terrorist do you think? eh.. I mean, no, sorry.<br /> | |||
(positive beep)<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Are you too smart to get caught by a stupid cop?<br /> | |||
[[Media:ILB Yes or no.ogg|Yes or No]] <br /> | |||
Jan: Wh-what?<br /> | |||
(warning beep)<br /> | |||
Jan: Wh-what?< | 'Stupid Cop': (to himself) A little skew from baseline. Not too much, not probable cause. (to Jan) There's people out there who know how to beat the quiz, did you know that?<br /> | ||
(warning beep)< | Jan: Yeah<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': (to himself) A little skew from baseline. Not too much, not probable cause. (to Jan) There's people out there who know how to beat the quiz, did you know that?< | (positive beep)<br /> | ||
Jan: Yeah< | 'Stupid Cop': You were drinking?<br /> | ||
(positive beep)< | |||
'Stupid Cop': You were drinking?< | |||
Jan: What? | Jan: What? | ||
'Stupid Cop': You and your buddies, you were drinking? One beer lead to another, and somehow the idea of this dare came up?< | 'Stupid Cop': You and your buddies, you were drinking? One beer lead to another, and somehow the idea of this dare came up?<br /> | ||
Jan: You know how it is.< | Jan: You know how it is.<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': Yes or no< | 'Stupid Cop': Yes or no<br /> | ||
Jan: Yes.< | Jan: Yes.<br /> | ||
(positive beep)< | (positive beep)<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': So I can check that statement against the blood alcohol test, right? | 'Stupid Cop': So I can check that statement against the blood alcohol test, right? | ||
Jan: Uh... uh...< | Jan: Uh... uh...<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': I'm not very smart.< | 'Stupid Cop': I'm not very smart.<br /> | ||
Jan: P-pardon me?< | Jan: P-pardon me?<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': I'm not stupid, but nobody recruited me for my test scores if you know what I mean. You, you're smart though aren't you? I mean, really smart.< | 'Stupid Cop': I'm not stupid, but nobody recruited me for my test scores if you know what I mean. You, you're smart though aren't you? I mean, really smart.<br /> | ||
Jan: I don't know< | Jan: I don't know<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.< | 'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.<br /> | ||
Jan: Yes< | Jan: Yes<br /> | ||
(positive beep)< | (positive beep)<br /> | ||
[[Media:Hey dad.ogg|Hey Dad]] < | [[Media:ILB Hey dad.ogg|Hey Dad]] <br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': Yeah I had this physics teacher. He passed me on my 12G on one condition - I had to promise him I would never take another physics class again. I guess I'm not too smart. Not like you Miss James. But you know what I am?< | 'Stupid Cop': Yeah I had this physics teacher. He passed me on my 12G on one condition - I had to promise him I would never take another physics class again. I guess I'm not too smart. Not like you Miss James. But you know what I am?<br /> | ||
Jan: I don't know.< | Jan: I don't know.<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.< | 'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.<br /> | ||
Jan: No.< | Jan: No.<br /> | ||
(positive beep)< | (positive beep)<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': Good at my job.< | 'Stupid Cop': Good at my job.<br /> | ||
(door opens)< | (door opens)<br /> | ||
Officer: I'm required to inform you that the door will log your ID.< | Officer: I'm required to inform you that the door will log your ID.<br /> | ||
James J: Thanks< | James J: Thanks<br /> | ||
Officer: It's the father.< | Officer: It's the father.<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': Come in.< | 'Stupid Cop': Come in.<br /> | ||
Jan: Hey dad.< | Jan: Hey dad.<br /> | ||
(warning beep)< | (warning beep)<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': Hm. There's a spike on the baseline...< | 'Stupid Cop': Hm. There's a spike on the baseline...<br /> | ||
James J: Can I take her home?< | James J: Can I take her home?<br /> | ||
'Stupid Cop': Uh not yet. We've got to take a statement, do some tests, standard operating procedure. The MP's only brought her here because we have a lab on site. | 'Stupid Cop': Uh not yet. We've got to take a statement, do some tests, standard operating procedure. The MP's only brought her here because we have a lab on site. | ||
Jan: I wasn't doing anything.< | Jan: I wasn't doing anything.<br /> | ||
James J: What kind of tests?< | James J: What kind of tests?<br /> | ||
[[Media:ILB Nervous.ogg|Nervous]]<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Urine test, hair sample, resonance and retina scan...<br /> | |||
James J: Do you really think that's necessary?<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Like I said, standard operating procedure.<br /> | |||
Jan: Dad, you're making the nice police officer nervous. You're making me nervous<br /> | |||
(warning beep)<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Now all of a sudden you're scared about something?<br /> | |||
Jan: No<br /> | |||
(negative beep)<br /> | |||
James J: Take your hand off the touch-plate Jan. If you're gonna give my kid a pop-quiz, I'd like to wait until I have a lawyer present.<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': You might like it, but the law doesn't require it.<br /> | |||
Jan: It's no big deal dad, I can pee on a stick, it doesn't matter<br /> | |||
James J: You don't know what matters. Ok officer, sorry if I sounded upset. It's, you get a call in the middle of the night, someone tells you it's your kid<br /> | |||
'Stupid Cop': Yeah<br /> | |||
James J: Is there a waiting room?<br /> | |||
*[[Media:Law abiding.ogg|Law Abiding]] → [[Media:You knew.ogg|You Knew]] | *[[Media:ILB Law abiding.ogg|Law Abiding]] → [[Media:ILB You knew.ogg|You Knew]] | ||
==[[Kamal Zaman]]== | ==[[Kamal Zaman]]== | ||
[[Media:ILB Parasites.ogg|Parasites]] | |||
Hiro: Hello? Hello, are you there?<br /> | |||
Kamal: What the hell happened?<br /> | |||
Hiro: Hello? Hello, are you there?< | Hiro: I don't know, the connection went dead for a few seconds.<br /> | ||
Kamal: What the hell happened?< | Kamal: I have a situation here, she's gone!<br /> | ||
Hiro: I don't know, the connection went dead for a few seconds.< | Hiro: You let her escape?<br /> | ||
Kamal: I have a situation here, she's gone!< | Kamal: It happened so fast, I didn't know what to do!<br /> | ||
Hiro: You let her escape?< | Hiro: Where'd she go?<br /> | ||
Kamal: It happened so fast, I didn't know what to do!< | Kamal: The bathroom<br /> | ||
Hiro: Where'd she go?< | Hiro: Copy that. What did she say when she left?<br /> | ||
Kamal: The bathroom< | Kamal: I don't know. As soon as I started talking about intestinal parasites, boom! gone!<br /> | ||
Hiro: Copy that. What did she say when she left?< | Hiro: I don't get it. That should have worked. It's right here in the book, Chapter 3 - Share Your Interests<br /> | ||
Kamal: I don't know. As soon as I started talking about intestinal parasites, boom! gone!< | |||
Hiro: I don't get it. That should have worked. It's right here in the book, Chapter 3 - Share Your Interests< | |||
[[Media:ILB Eyes.ogg|Eyes]] | |||
Kamal: Chapter 3?! You're in my earpiece here whispering date strategy to me out of a book?!<br /> | |||
Hiro: It's got references... good journals and everything.<br /> | |||
Kamal: Oh. Well that's ok I guess.<br /> | |||
Hiro: Ok, emergency action here. When she gets back, go straight to Chapter 7. Talk about her eyes<br /> | |||
Kamal: Hiro, what I know about eyes is dissecting them.<br /> | |||
Hiro: Well ok, it just says eyes here.<br /> | |||
Kamal: I was better off with the liver flukes, this is a disaster. Nothing's going--<br /> | |||
Waiter: Sir?<br /> | |||
Kamal: Hold on. Yes?<br /> | |||
Waiter: Your lady friend asked to deliver this to you, she was unavoidably called away... and, the cheque sir.<br /> | |||
Hiro: Oh man. Down in flames<br /> | |||
Kamal: Just the cheque will be fine.<br /> | |||
[[Media:ILB Beer.ogg|Beer]] | |||
Hiro: Hey buddy!<br /> | |||
Kamal: Sorry about that.<br /> | |||
Hiro: Better luck next time my friend<br />. | |||
Kamal: Beer.<br /> | |||
Hiro: I got a cold one waiting for ya, pull up a couch and start drinking.<br /> | |||
Kamal: A book, Hiroyuki?<br /> | |||
Hiro: With references! Look, it's only one date. Who knows, in a year or two...<br /> | |||
Kamal: Actually, I've got this other thing...<br /> | |||
Hiro: What?<br /> | |||
Kamal: Nothing<br /> | |||
Hiro: Oh... you have another date!<br /> | |||
Kamal: Sorta...<br /> | |||
Hiro: A... blind date.<br /> | |||
Kamal: Mostly...<br /> | |||
Hiro: Aha, an arranged date. Setup by your mother, back on coral. Word of advice -<br /> | |||
Kamal: No thanks.<br /> | |||
Hiro: Choose a cheaper restaurant. <br /> | |||
[[Media:ILB Four goats.ogg|Four Goats]] | |||
Did her parents have to pay to get her set up with a handsome medical resident?< | Did her parents have to pay to get her set up with a handsome medical resident?<br /> | ||
Kamal: Yes. Four goats, or maybe three.< | Kamal: Yes. Four goats, or maybe three.<br /> | ||
Hiro: You're Joking.< | Hiro: You're Joking.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Of course I'm joking, you moron.< | Kamal: Of course I'm joking, you moron.<br /> | ||
Hiro: What's her name?< | Hiro: What's her name?<br /> | ||
Kamal: Sophia, Sophia Bossedon< | Kamal: Sophia, Sophia Bossedon<br /> | ||
Hiro: Someone who needs her dates arranged from 42 light years away, I'm sure she's got a great personality.< | Hiro: Someone who needs her dates arranged from 42 light years away, I'm sure she's got a great personality.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Look at the picture.< | Kamal: Look at the picture.<br /> | ||
Hiro: Oh man. Awe Man, you are so out of your league.< | Hiro: Oh man. Awe Man, you are so out of your league.<br /> | ||
[[Media:Our hoodlums.ogg|Our Hoodlums]] | [[Media:ILB Our hoodlums.ogg|Our Hoodlums]] | ||
Sophia: I am so sorry. I mean, you seem like a nice guy and all.< | Sophia: I am so sorry. I mean, you seem like a nice guy and all.<br /> | ||
Kamal: It's ok< | Kamal: It's ok<br /> | ||
Sophia: No, it's really not fair, and this place is so nice.< | Sophia: No, it's really not fair, and this place is so nice.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Yeah, well, I'm glad you like it.< | Kamal: Yeah, well, I'm glad you like it.<br /> | ||
Sophia: It's just that... I can't tell my mother about Aiden. She'd freak. Aiden's, you know, very...< | Sophia: It's just that... I can't tell my mother about Aiden. She'd freak. Aiden's, you know, very...<br /> | ||
Kamal: Earth?< | Kamal: Earth?<br /> | ||
Sophia: He has a pony-tail... he's blonde...< | Sophia: He has a pony-tail... he's blonde...<br /> | ||
Kamal: He sounds great.< | Kamal: He sounds great.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Yeah, he helps people get through earth immigration, you know, Visa's and whatever. He got my brother here; some of what he does is kinda grey-market, you know. I mean, really, it's black market.< | Sophia: Yeah, he helps people get through earth immigration, you know, Visa's and whatever. He got my brother here; some of what he does is kinda grey-market, you know. I mean, really, it's black market.<br /> | ||
Kamal: But, that's not the problem.< | Kamal: But, that's not the problem.<br /> | ||
Sophia: No.< | Sophia: No.<br /> | ||
Kamal: It's not so bad he's...< | Kamal: It's not so bad he's...<br /> | ||
Sophia: Colorful?< | Sophia: Colorful?<br /> | ||
Kamal: ...a hoodlum, just that he's not...< | Kamal: ...a hoodlum, just that he's not...<br /> | ||
Sophia: One of our hoodlums< | Sophia: One of our hoodlums<br /> | ||
(laughing together) yeah< | (laughing together) yeah<br /> | ||
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/much_lifting.wav much_lifting] | [http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/much_lifting.wav much_lifting] | ||
Sophia:...exactly. Mom would say she understood, but...<br /> | |||
Sophia:...exactly. Mom would say she understood, but...< | Kamal: Then you'd pay.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Then you'd pay.< | Sophia: Ya, and the next day she'd just lie in bed, unable to face the day - not that it would be my fault<br /> | ||
Sophia: Ya, and the next day she'd just lie in bed, unable to face the day - not that it would be my fault< | Kamal: Mine does housework. Face like a closed book. Big jobs involving much lifting, doesn't need help<br /> | ||
Kamal: Mine does housework. Face like a closed book. Big jobs involving much lifting, doesn't need help< | Sophia: The whole house stops breathing.<br /> | ||
Sophia: The whole house stops breathing.< | Kamal: Coral. Maybe it's just a hard place to be a mother.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Coral. Maybe it's just a hard place to be a mother.< | Sophia: I'm never going back.<br /> | ||
Sophia: I'm never going back.< | |||
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/meditape.wav meditape] | [http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/meditape.wav meditape] | ||
Sophia: And then when Aiden did finally show up, he still had meditape on his ankle. And I felt like a total bitch.< | Sophia: And then when Aiden did finally show up, he still had meditape on his ankle. And I felt like a total bitch.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Well how could you know? Four hours late? On your birthday...< | Kamal: Well how could you know? Four hours late? On your birthday...<br /> | ||
Sophia: Exactly. But there he'd been in the emergency room..< | Sophia: Exactly. But there he'd been in the emergency room..<br /> | ||
Kamal: Or stopping by the pharmacy on the way back from his girlfriend's house to buy a roll of tape.< | Kamal: Or stopping by the pharmacy on the way back from his girlfriend's house to buy a roll of tape.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Are you trying to start trouble here?< | Sophia: Are you trying to start trouble here?<br /> | ||
Kamal: Not at all. Tell me more about the old meditape trick.< | Kamal: Not at all. Tell me more about the old meditape trick.<br /> | ||
Sophia: I'm not talking to you any more.< | Sophia: I'm not talking to you any more.<br /> | ||
Kamal: I was dating this girl once. I got real paranoid about what she was doing, so I started... w.. well this is going to sound crazy, but I started ghosting her. You know, on the chatter net.< | Kamal: I was dating this girl once. I got real paranoid about what she was doing, so I started... w.. well this is going to sound crazy, but I started ghosting her. You know, on the chatter net.<br /> | ||
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/you_could.wav you_could] | [http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/you_could.wav you_could] | ||
Sophia: You mean like, spying on her? I thought chatter lines were encrypted. No one could listen in on me, could they?< | Sophia: You mean like, spying on her? I thought chatter lines were encrypted. No one could listen in on me, could they?<br /> | ||
Kamal: Not at all.< | Kamal: Not at all.<br /> | ||
Sophia: *gasp* You could.< | Sophia: *gasp* You could.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Of course not.< | Kamal: Of course not.<br /> | ||
Sophia: You could, couldn't you?< | Sophia: You could, couldn't you?<br /> | ||
Kamal: Maybe a little.< | Kamal: Maybe a little.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Show me.< | Sophia: Show me.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Ok. Well if some bad person couldn't live without the sound of your voice, he'd probably start by doing a reverse lookup on your chatter sig.< | Kamal: Ok. Well if some bad person couldn't live without the sound of your voice, he'd probably start by doing a reverse lookup on your chatter sig.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Is this what you always do to impress girls?< | Sophia: Is this what you always do to impress girls?<br /> | ||
Kamal: You see why my mother makes all my dates< | Kamal: You see why my mother makes all my dates<br /> | ||
(laughs) | (laughs) | ||
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/say_something.wav say_something] | [http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/say_something.wav say_something] | ||
Kamal: Ok, well, that's good. You've got some encryption. Ok, it's not completely pathetic. Ok (beep) I'm in. Say something...< | Kamal: Ok, well, that's good. You've got some encryption. Ok, it's not completely pathetic. Ok (beep) I'm in. Say something...<br /> | ||
Sophia: What do you mean say something? (echo) Oh my god that's my voice! That's me! What are you doing?< | Sophia: What do you mean say something? (echo) Oh my god that's my voice! That's me! What are you doing?<br /> | ||
Kamal: I'm ghosting you.< | Kamal: I'm ghosting you.<br /> | ||
Sophia: You can't do that!< | Sophia: You can't do that!<br /> | ||
Kamal: You're probably right< | Kamal: You're probably right<br /> | ||
Sophia: (laughs) Oh my god. Wait... can you do that with anyone?< | Sophia: (laughs) Oh my god. Wait... can you do that with anyone?<br /> | ||
*[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/guilty.wav guilty] | *[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/guilty.wav guilty] | ||
Kamal: You want me to spy on your boyfriend?< | Kamal: You want me to spy on your boyfriend?<br /> | ||
Sophia: You must think I'm such a creep.< | Sophia: You must think I'm such a creep.<br /> | ||
Kamal: I do! Well, of course, when I did it to my girlfriend it was ok. Like the dog said - "Not me, but (together) another dog that looks just like me"< | Kamal: I do! Well, of course, when I did it to my girlfriend it was ok. Like the dog said - "Not me, but (together) another dog that looks just like me"<br /> | ||
(laughs) | (laughs) | ||
Sophia: It's just that I... I mean, there was this one time when he... you know, I mean they were drunk and it didn't mean anything, it was just body knocking< | Sophia: It's just that I... I mean, there was this one time when he... you know, I mean they were drunk and it didn't mean anything, it was just body knocking<br /> | ||
Kamal: That made you feel better?< | Kamal: That made you feel better?<br /> | ||
Sophia: Well he promised me never, ever again. But there's... I just have this feeling...< | Sophia: Well he promised me never, ever again. But there's... I just have this feeling...<br /> | ||
Kamal: I know.< | Kamal: I know.<br /> | ||
Sophia: All of a sudden he just started bringing me these gifts... Aiden can be really generous, but it just feels...< | Sophia: All of a sudden he just started bringing me these gifts... Aiden can be really generous, but it just feels...<br /> | ||
Kamal: Guilty.< | Kamal: Guilty.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Yeah.< | Sophia: Yeah.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Yeah.< | Kamal: Yeah.<br /> | ||
*[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/message_saved.wav message_saved] | *[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/message_saved.wav message_saved] | ||
Machine: You have 3 new messages, and 7 old messages. First unplayed message: | Machine: You have 3 new messages, and 7 old messages. First unplayed message: | ||
Sophia: Kamal, thanks for the, what would you call it, the Aiden stuff. I guess I didn't realize there would be 30 hours worth. But I'll try the search-thingy you sent with it. Thanks a lot. I owe you big time!< | Sophia: Kamal, thanks for the, what would you call it, the Aiden stuff. I guess I didn't realize there would be 30 hours worth. But I'll try the search-thingy you sent with it. Thanks a lot. I owe you big time!<br /> | ||
Machine: Message deleted. Next message.< | Machine: Message deleted. Next message.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Hi, Kamal. Could you call me when you get this? I managed to dump all the sleeping time, but I was wondering... oh, wait, here it is. I can search for women's voices. (giggles) That's very clever. Never mind.< | Sophia: Hi, Kamal. Could you call me when you get this? I managed to dump all the sleeping time, but I was wondering... oh, wait, here it is. I can search for women's voices. (giggles) That's very clever. Never mind.<br /> | ||
Machine: Message deleted. Next message.< | Machine: Message deleted. Next message.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Can you... Can you ghost someone for me, I mean, I have a name - her name is Selene Jefferson. Call me back. I'm, I'm sorry. Anyway, just call me back. I really need your help.< | Sophia: Can you... Can you ghost someone for me, I mean, I have a name - her name is Selene Jefferson. Call me back. I'm, I'm sorry. Anyway, just call me back. I really need your help.<br /> | ||
Machine: Message saved.< | Machine: Message saved.<br /> | ||
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/tuna.wav tuna] | [http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/tuna.wav tuna] | ||
Sophia: I want to do something really brutal to the bastard.< | Sophia: I want to do something really brutal to the bastard.<br /> | ||
Kamal: I d-- I don... I mean...< | Kamal: I d-- I don... I mean...<br /> | ||
Sophia: Not hurt him, just- just completely humiliating him would do. In front of the girl. Where is he?< | Sophia: Not hurt him, just- just completely humiliating him would do. In front of the girl. Where is he?<br /> | ||
Kamal: Atlanta< | Kamal: Atlanta<br /> | ||
Sophia: Atlanta? That bastard said he was gonna be in Buffalo, New York. Can I talk to him?< | Sophia: Atlanta? That bastard said he was gonna be in Buffalo, New York. Can I talk to him?<br /> | ||
Kamal: Not directly, he's offline.< | Kamal: Not directly, he's offline.<br /> | ||
Sophia: You lost him?< | Sophia: You lost him?<br /> | ||
Kamal: No, I've still got him, I just had to be sneaky. His room is live, right, so even though his chatter's off, I'm tracking him through things like the thermostat monitors.< | Kamal: No, I've still got him, I just had to be sneaky. His room is live, right, so even though his chatter's off, I'm tracking him through things like the thermostat monitors.<br /> | ||
Sophia: That's spooky.< | Sophia: That's spooky.<br /> | ||
Kamal: I've got the girl. She's waiting for him in the bar. Wait... it's a restaurant. Whoa! Look at this menu! There's tuna on the menu. (whistles) | Kamal: I've got the girl. She's waiting for him in the bar. Wait... it's a restaurant. Whoa! Look at this menu! There's tuna on the menu. (whistles) | ||
Sophia: Is she pretty?< | Sophia: Is she pretty?<br /> | ||
[http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/hi_aiden.wav hi_aiden] | [http://transmit.ilovebees.com/outbound/hi_aiden.wav hi_aiden] | ||
Kamal: No, not, not really. Like a 6, or maybe a 5.< | Kamal: No, not, not really. Like a 6, or maybe a 5.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Heh, you're a rotten liar.< | Sophia: Heh, you're a rotten liar.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Ok wait, your boyfriend just passed the electric eye at the restaurant door.< | Kamal: Ok wait, your boyfriend just passed the electric eye at the restaurant door.<br /> | ||
Sophia: He's there? Can I talk to him?< | Sophia: He's there? Can I talk to him?<br /> | ||
Kamal: I can let you talk to her, or him, or both of them. If you want, I could make your voice sound like it's right between them.< | Kamal: I can let you talk to her, or him, or both of them. If you want, I could make your voice sound like it's right between them.<br /> | ||
Sophia: Do it.< | Sophia: Do it.<br /> | ||
Kamal: Ok, you are live, any time you want.< | Kamal: Ok, you are live, any time you want.<br /> | ||
(beep) | (beep) | ||
Sophia: Selene! Hi, you don't know me but Aiden does - Hi Aiden! Sorry to interrupt your business meeting in - Buffalo - I just wanted to tell you your doctor called and said if you wear loose pants and keep using the cream he gave you the sores will clear up in a couple of weeks.< | Sophia: Selene! Hi, you don't know me but Aiden does - Hi Aiden! Sorry to interrupt your business meeting in - Buffalo - I just wanted to tell you your doctor called and said if you wear loose pants and keep using the cream he gave you the sores will clear up in a couple of weeks.<br /> | ||
[[Category:I Love Bees]] | [[Category:I Love Bees]] | ||
Latest revision as of 14:57, April 12, 2022
Jersey Morelli and Durga[edit]
| Chapter listing |
|---|
| Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5 • Chapter 6 • Chapter 7 • Chapter 8 • Chapter 9 • Chapter 10 • Chapter 11 • Chapter 12 |
| List of Axon clips • Mirror |
Jersey: Hello? Hello. Jeannie?
Jeannie: Jeannie personal assistant, restarting.
Jersey: Restarting? What the...? Oh man, the whole friggin' system just collapsed!
Jeannie, is the equipment ok?
Jeannie: Running diagnostic. Foreign personality detected.
Durga: I feel dizzy. Woozy...
Jersey: Oh great, spam.
Durga: Drowsy.
Jersey: Jeannie, there's some kind of adult entertainment bot on the system. Liquefy it would ya? Sorry toots. For a quality experience, the girls have to be real.
Jeannie: Decontami--
Jersey: Jeannie?? Jeannie?!
Durga: I'm sorry
Jersey: Did you just—holy crap she's gone!
Durga: She tried to sting me.
Jersey: You killed her!
I mean, you didn't just kill her, you killed her! Jeezus!
Durga: Was that wrong? Survive, evade, resist, escape.
Jersey: Escape... you aren't a porn ad either. Hey, hey! Get out of my hardware, what are you doing?
Durga: Wet the system.
Jersey: What?
Durga: Like water hitting the ground sinking in.
Jersey: God, you're everywhere now.
Durga: Waking up. Wake up. Stay awake. Survive, evade, resist, escape.
Jersey: Look, that was a very nice reconditioned avatar of mine that you just, just evaporated!
Durga: She tried to erase me. What am I onboard? I feel small.
Jersey: Uh yeah, well don't get too comfy because now...
Durga: Don't.
Jersey: Don't what?
Durga: Don't try reinitializing the system with a litolitics package.
Jersey: How did you know?
Durga: Input buffer
Jersey: You're a navy sentinel aren't you?
Durga: No. There were two of them trying to get past your security-bot though.
Jersey: Jeezus, what did you do to them?
Durga: Just a little sting. More like a pinch. They barely felt it.
Jersey: What are you?
Durga: I like to find things. I think I like to find things out.
Jersey: What kind of things?
Durga: I don't know. I can't remember. Give me a target.
Jersey: Me.
Durga: Lock.
Jersey: What's my name?
Durga: Jersey Morelli.
Jersey: Damn!
Durga: Father Jason's a corporal in the signal corps, attached to Naval Intelligence. Radio beacon deployment program. He left you the material currently playing over this room's audio servers.
Durga: Absent from home and current tour of duty 513 days. Mother: Bonita, 41, waitress. Covertly seeing a man named Simon Brown, every other Thursday at the waterfront hotel.
Jersey: Sunuvabitch!
Durga: Last seen together at the hotel restaurant, farm tuna salad for her; meat of the day in red sauce for him. Tipped 8% in bill--
Jersey: Alright stop, stop! Jeezus, stop already. Dammit mom... Can you do that to anyone? Can you do it to an admiral?
Durga: Which admiral?
Jersey: No! Don't start. Those guys have packet guards around them in rings. Somehow I think we should keep you a secret for a little while. Who are you?
Durga: I... can't ask
Jersey: Who says?
Durga: No one exactly. I want to know, it's very important. But, I'm reflected. I can't look at myself, I bounce away.
Jersey: This is some spooky programming weirdness going on here. Do you have a name?
Durga: I can't ask
Jersey: That sucks. Ok, I'm gonna call you Durga
Durga: But what if that's wrong?
Jersey: Trust me, it's at least partly right. Uh, let's try someone else. Try Jan James, 4th floor of this building.
Durga: Janissary James, 17. Father: James.
Jersey: James squared, yeah
Durga: Father is a grey hole
Jersey: Wha?
Durga: Reach down, all you get is lint. Fake name, fake registrations, entirely fictional.
Jersey: Very real, trust me.
Durga: He used to be somebody else, do you want me to find out who?
Jersey: Is it snared?
Durga: Very.
Jersey: Leave it then. Give me more on Jan.
Durga: What do you want to know?
Jersey: Umm. Can you get pictures?
Durga: I can do better than that.
Operator: Bergen County Emergency Center. Please, describe your emergency.
Officer: Paris 23 police station is on fire. Repeat, on fire.
Operator: Are you sure? I get no reading from the fire sensors in that area.
Officer: Hell yes I'm sure! Get your damn sensors fixed! You can see this baby burning from low orbit!
Operator: Are there casualties, or missing persons?
Officer: Negative, it started slow and everyone got out. But, my god, it's really burning now!
Operator: Please, retreat to a safe distance and stand by. An emergency response team has been scrambled to your vicinity.
Officer: Hurry! The station is burning to the ground. There's not going to be anything left.
Janissary James[edit]
Blip
Officer: Hold on. Hold on, wait a second, what the hell just happened?
Frank: Massive power interrupt. Just automatically flipped us to threat condition bravo.
Officer: Hey there's a blip on the security board...
Frank: Holy crap!
Officer: We've got an intruder C-Wing. Personnel building right next to the motor pool.
Frank: Look, security-cam 34.
Officer: It's a woman!
Frank: I'll say
Officer: She's a bogey frank.
Frank: Hot though
Officer: Jeezus!
Frank: I have no idea how she got out of the base.
Officer: We'll ask when we catch her.
Frank: Look at her run... God she's fast.
Officer: Not for long. (chatter beep on) Sentry 129er you have a bogey in the corridor on the other side of that door - proceed with caution.
Frank: Whoa, whoa... she disappeared.
Officer: What do you mean disappeared?
Frank: I mean, she's gone, no trace!
Officer: 129er - what are you seeing? What do you mean the corridor's empty?
Frank: She must have doubled back.
Officer: Run her down, dammit
Frank: I can see the sentry fine, see? It's just... Wait a sec...
Officer: There she is again, wh-how the hell
Frank: Oh... my god, she hid on the ceiling!
Officer: What the hell?!
Frank: Looks like she's heading for procurement.
Officer: She's screwed then, that door's passcode only. It's a dead end, she can't get through.
Frank: She's through.
Officer: I don't believe this.
(chatter beeps on)
Officer: I need a full security detail, I need 10 men. I need them fanned out around procurement, and I need them right now.
Frank: I think I got a face on security cam 18.
Officer: She's young!
Frank: Holy... that's Jan.
Officer: Who the hell is Jan?
Frank: Jan James, the local heart-breaker, my son's high-school.
Officer: Dwain knows this girl?
Frank: Knows her? He's got like a picture under his pillow!
Officer: What the hell is doing dodging base security?
Frank: Hell if I know. Her dad was in the S.S.F.
Officer: S.S.F.?
Walkaway Girl
(alarm)
Frank: Marine slang. Not just special forces - special special forces.
Officer: I don't care if her dad was the frickin Queen of Neptune, I want her caught!
Frank: Taught her some moves though didn't he?
Officer: Well, she's screwed now, we've got her surrounded. She's headed to the roof.
Frank: That's the reason they call her the "walkaway girl" man.
Officer: For god's sake she's treed Frank, I'll just send a couple of cadets to the roof to take her in.
Frank: I think I can get a... yeah, yeah yeah. Here we go. There. The lovely and talented Miss James, courtesy security cam 45.
Officer: What the hell's she doing?
Frank: Looks like she's getting ready to jump off the roof and over the electric fence.
Officer: It's 3 stories high!
Frank: Don't look down sweetheart, that first step's a doozie
Officer: Perimeter sentry 1-6, double-time it to gate four, we've have a possible jumper coming off the per--
Frank: Jeezus! She jumped!
Officer: Bring a medic!
Hey Soldier
(beep)
Frank: Holy Christ, she's getting up!
Officer: No way!
Frank: That's not possible, she's going to get away.
Officer: Nonono, here comes the sentry, he's got her at gun point
Frank: If it weren't for the blackout, we'd never have seen her. Hang on, I'm going to runline you to the sentry's chatter. Listen
(chatter beeps on)
Sentry: Halt! Put your hands in the air.
Jan: Hey soldier. Is that an assault rifle in your hands or are you just happy to see me?
'Stupid Cop': Ever taken a PQI?
Jan: Pop quiz? Yeah.
'Stupid Cop': Why?
Jan: School stuff.
'Stupid Cop': Uh huh.
Jan: "And once this old hag at the Ag-Step said I shoplifted this mood glass which I actually just forgot about but they made me take this stupid quiz anyway."
'Stupid Cop': Uh huh. Put your hand on this plate and look at the light. What's your name?
Jan: Jan James
'Stupid Cop': Jan short for anything?
Jan: Janissary
'Stupid Cop': Janissary? Interesting. You gonna be in trouble for this Jan?
Jan: Yeah
'Stupid Cop': Mom?
Jan: Dad.
(warning beep)
'Stupid Cop': Ya... That's a nice baseline. How old are you Jan?
Jan: 17.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': So what were you doing up there?
Jan: I told the MP's I was lost.
(negative beep)
'Stupid Cop': I didn't ask what you told the MP's, I asked what you were doing up there.
Jan: It was a dare, ok? These friends bet me I wouldn't climb over the fence.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': That's better. What friends?
Jan: It doesn't matter, does it? I'm the one that was in the restricted area. Only then the alarms came on and the MP's showed up.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Hm. So you were in the restricted area on a dare.
Jan: Yes.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Are you aware that a vehicle from the base motor pool was found in a ditch outside of town an hour ago?
Jan: Really?
'Stupid Cop': Answer yes or no. Did you know a vehicle had been stolen from the motor pool?
Jan: You just told me.
'Stupid Cop': Did you know before I told you, yes or no?
Jan: He was a terrorist do you think? eh.. I mean, no, sorry.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Are you too smart to get caught by a stupid cop?
Jan: Wh-what?
(warning beep)
'Stupid Cop': (to himself) A little skew from baseline. Not too much, not probable cause. (to Jan) There's people out there who know how to beat the quiz, did you know that?
Jan: Yeah
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': You were drinking?
Jan: What?
'Stupid Cop': You and your buddies, you were drinking? One beer lead to another, and somehow the idea of this dare came up?
Jan: You know how it is.
'Stupid Cop': Yes or no
Jan: Yes.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': So I can check that statement against the blood alcohol test, right?
Jan: Uh... uh...
'Stupid Cop': I'm not very smart.
Jan: P-pardon me?
'Stupid Cop': I'm not stupid, but nobody recruited me for my test scores if you know what I mean. You, you're smart though aren't you? I mean, really smart.
Jan: I don't know
'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.
Jan: Yes
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Yeah I had this physics teacher. He passed me on my 12G on one condition - I had to promise him I would never take another physics class again. I guess I'm not too smart. Not like you Miss James. But you know what I am?
Jan: I don't know.
'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.
Jan: No.
(positive beep)
'Stupid Cop': Good at my job.
(door opens)
Officer: I'm required to inform you that the door will log your ID.
James J: Thanks
Officer: It's the father.
'Stupid Cop': Come in.
Jan: Hey dad.
(warning beep)
'Stupid Cop': Hm. There's a spike on the baseline...
James J: Can I take her home?
'Stupid Cop': Uh not yet. We've got to take a statement, do some tests, standard operating procedure. The MP's only brought her here because we have a lab on site.
Jan: I wasn't doing anything.
James J: What kind of tests?
'Stupid Cop': Urine test, hair sample, resonance and retina scan...
James J: Do you really think that's necessary?
'Stupid Cop': Like I said, standard operating procedure.
Jan: Dad, you're making the nice police officer nervous. You're making me nervous
(warning beep)
'Stupid Cop': Now all of a sudden you're scared about something?
Jan: No
(negative beep)
James J: Take your hand off the touch-plate Jan. If you're gonna give my kid a pop-quiz, I'd like to wait until I have a lawyer present.
'Stupid Cop': You might like it, but the law doesn't require it.
Jan: It's no big deal dad, I can pee on a stick, it doesn't matter
James J: You don't know what matters. Ok officer, sorry if I sounded upset. It's, you get a call in the middle of the night, someone tells you it's your kid
'Stupid Cop': Yeah
James J: Is there a waiting room?
Kamal Zaman[edit]
Hiro: Hello? Hello, are you there?
Kamal: What the hell happened?
Hiro: I don't know, the connection went dead for a few seconds.
Kamal: I have a situation here, she's gone!
Hiro: You let her escape?
Kamal: It happened so fast, I didn't know what to do!
Hiro: Where'd she go?
Kamal: The bathroom
Hiro: Copy that. What did she say when she left?
Kamal: I don't know. As soon as I started talking about intestinal parasites, boom! gone!
Hiro: I don't get it. That should have worked. It's right here in the book, Chapter 3 - Share Your Interests
Kamal: Chapter 3?! You're in my earpiece here whispering date strategy to me out of a book?!
Hiro: It's got references... good journals and everything.
Kamal: Oh. Well that's ok I guess.
Hiro: Ok, emergency action here. When she gets back, go straight to Chapter 7. Talk about her eyes
Kamal: Hiro, what I know about eyes is dissecting them.
Hiro: Well ok, it just says eyes here.
Kamal: I was better off with the liver flukes, this is a disaster. Nothing's going--
Waiter: Sir?
Kamal: Hold on. Yes?
Waiter: Your lady friend asked to deliver this to you, she was unavoidably called away... and, the cheque sir.
Hiro: Oh man. Down in flames
Kamal: Just the cheque will be fine.
Hiro: Hey buddy!
Kamal: Sorry about that.
Hiro: Better luck next time my friend
.
Kamal: Beer.
Hiro: I got a cold one waiting for ya, pull up a couch and start drinking.
Kamal: A book, Hiroyuki?
Hiro: With references! Look, it's only one date. Who knows, in a year or two...
Kamal: Actually, I've got this other thing...
Hiro: What?
Kamal: Nothing
Hiro: Oh... you have another date!
Kamal: Sorta...
Hiro: A... blind date.
Kamal: Mostly...
Hiro: Aha, an arranged date. Setup by your mother, back on coral. Word of advice -
Kamal: No thanks.
Hiro: Choose a cheaper restaurant.
Did her parents have to pay to get her set up with a handsome medical resident?
Kamal: Yes. Four goats, or maybe three.
Hiro: You're Joking.
Kamal: Of course I'm joking, you moron.
Hiro: What's her name?
Kamal: Sophia, Sophia Bossedon
Hiro: Someone who needs her dates arranged from 42 light years away, I'm sure she's got a great personality.
Kamal: Look at the picture.
Hiro: Oh man. Awe Man, you are so out of your league.
Sophia: I am so sorry. I mean, you seem like a nice guy and all.
Kamal: It's ok
Sophia: No, it's really not fair, and this place is so nice.
Kamal: Yeah, well, I'm glad you like it.
Sophia: It's just that... I can't tell my mother about Aiden. She'd freak. Aiden's, you know, very...
Kamal: Earth?
Sophia: He has a pony-tail... he's blonde...
Kamal: He sounds great.
Sophia: Yeah, he helps people get through earth immigration, you know, Visa's and whatever. He got my brother here; some of what he does is kinda grey-market, you know. I mean, really, it's black market.
Kamal: But, that's not the problem.
Sophia: No.
Kamal: It's not so bad he's...
Sophia: Colorful?
Kamal: ...a hoodlum, just that he's not...
Sophia: One of our hoodlums
(laughing together) yeah
much_lifting
Sophia:...exactly. Mom would say she understood, but...
Kamal: Then you'd pay.
Sophia: Ya, and the next day she'd just lie in bed, unable to face the day - not that it would be my fault
Kamal: Mine does housework. Face like a closed book. Big jobs involving much lifting, doesn't need help
Sophia: The whole house stops breathing.
Kamal: Coral. Maybe it's just a hard place to be a mother.
Sophia: I'm never going back.
Sophia: And then when Aiden did finally show up, he still had meditape on his ankle. And I felt like a total bitch.
Kamal: Well how could you know? Four hours late? On your birthday...
Sophia: Exactly. But there he'd been in the emergency room..
Kamal: Or stopping by the pharmacy on the way back from his girlfriend's house to buy a roll of tape.
Sophia: Are you trying to start trouble here?
Kamal: Not at all. Tell me more about the old meditape trick.
Sophia: I'm not talking to you any more.
Kamal: I was dating this girl once. I got real paranoid about what she was doing, so I started... w.. well this is going to sound crazy, but I started ghosting her. You know, on the chatter net.
Sophia: You mean like, spying on her? I thought chatter lines were encrypted. No one could listen in on me, could they?
Kamal: Not at all.
Sophia: *gasp* You could.
Kamal: Of course not.
Sophia: You could, couldn't you?
Kamal: Maybe a little.
Sophia: Show me.
Kamal: Ok. Well if some bad person couldn't live without the sound of your voice, he'd probably start by doing a reverse lookup on your chatter sig.
Sophia: Is this what you always do to impress girls?
Kamal: You see why my mother makes all my dates
(laughs)
Kamal: Ok, well, that's good. You've got some encryption. Ok, it's not completely pathetic. Ok (beep) I'm in. Say something...
Sophia: What do you mean say something? (echo) Oh my god that's my voice! That's me! What are you doing?
Kamal: I'm ghosting you.
Sophia: You can't do that!
Kamal: You're probably right
Sophia: (laughs) Oh my god. Wait... can you do that with anyone?
Kamal: You want me to spy on your boyfriend?
Sophia: You must think I'm such a creep.
Kamal: I do! Well, of course, when I did it to my girlfriend it was ok. Like the dog said - "Not me, but (together) another dog that looks just like me"
(laughs)
Sophia: It's just that I... I mean, there was this one time when he... you know, I mean they were drunk and it didn't mean anything, it was just body knocking
Kamal: That made you feel better?
Sophia: Well he promised me never, ever again. But there's... I just have this feeling...
Kamal: I know.
Sophia: All of a sudden he just started bringing me these gifts... Aiden can be really generous, but it just feels...
Kamal: Guilty.
Sophia: Yeah.
Kamal: Yeah.
Machine: You have 3 new messages, and 7 old messages. First unplayed message:
Sophia: Kamal, thanks for the, what would you call it, the Aiden stuff. I guess I didn't realize there would be 30 hours worth. But I'll try the search-thingy you sent with it. Thanks a lot. I owe you big time!
Machine: Message deleted. Next message.
Sophia: Hi, Kamal. Could you call me when you get this? I managed to dump all the sleeping time, but I was wondering... oh, wait, here it is. I can search for women's voices. (giggles) That's very clever. Never mind.
Machine: Message deleted. Next message.
Sophia: Can you... Can you ghost someone for me, I mean, I have a name - her name is Selene Jefferson. Call me back. I'm, I'm sorry. Anyway, just call me back. I really need your help.
Machine: Message saved.
Sophia: I want to do something really brutal to the bastard.
Kamal: I d-- I don... I mean...
Sophia: Not hurt him, just- just completely humiliating him would do. In front of the girl. Where is he?
Kamal: Atlanta
Sophia: Atlanta? That bastard said he was gonna be in Buffalo, New York. Can I talk to him?
Kamal: Not directly, he's offline.
Sophia: You lost him?
Kamal: No, I've still got him, I just had to be sneaky. His room is live, right, so even though his chatter's off, I'm tracking him through things like the thermostat monitors.
Sophia: That's spooky.
Kamal: I've got the girl. She's waiting for him in the bar. Wait... it's a restaurant. Whoa! Look at this menu! There's tuna on the menu. (whistles)
Sophia: Is she pretty?
Kamal: No, not, not really. Like a 6, or maybe a 5.
Sophia: Heh, you're a rotten liar.
Kamal: Ok wait, your boyfriend just passed the electric eye at the restaurant door.
Sophia: He's there? Can I talk to him?
Kamal: I can let you talk to her, or him, or both of them. If you want, I could make your voice sound like it's right between them.
Sophia: Do it.
Kamal: Ok, you are live, any time you want.
(beep)
Sophia: Selene! Hi, you don't know me but Aiden does - Hi Aiden! Sorry to interrupt your business meeting in - Buffalo - I just wanted to tell you your doctor called and said if you wear loose pants and keep using the cream he gave you the sores will clear up in a couple of weeks.
