I Love Bees Axon Clips - Links.html
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Jersey Morelli and Durga
Dizzy
Jersey: Hello? Hello. Jeannie? Jeannie: Jeannie personal assistant, restarting. Jersey: Restarting? What the...? Oh man, the whole friggin' system just collapsed! Jeannie, is the equipment ok? Jeannie: Running diagnostic. Foreign personality detected. Durga: I feel dizzy. Woozy... Jersey: Oh great, spam. Durga: Drowsy. Jersey: Jeannie, there's some kind of adult entertainment bot on the system. Liquefy it would ya? Sorry toots. For a quality experience, the girls have to be real. Jeannie: Decontami-- Jersey: Jeannie?? Jeannie?! Durga: I'm sorry Jersey: Did you just-- holy crap she's gone! Durga: She tried to sting me. Jersey: You killed her!
Escape
I mean, you didn't just kill her, you killed her! Jeezus! Durga: Was that wrong? Survive, evade, resist, escape. Jersey: Escape... you aren't a porn ad either. Hey, hey! Get out of my hardware, what are you doing? Durga: Wet the system. Jersey: What? Durga: Like water hitting the ground sinking in. Jersey: God, you're everywhere now. Durga: Waking up. Wake up. Stay awake. Survive, evade, resist, escape. Jersey: Look, that was a very nice reconditioned avatar of mine that you just, just evaporated! Durga: She tried to erase me. What am I onboard? I feel small. Jersey: Uh yeah, well don't get too comfy because now... Durga: Don't.
Jersey
Jersey: Don't what? Durga: Don't try reinitializing the system with a litolitics package. Jersey: How did you know? Durga: Input buffer Jersey: You're a navy sentinel aren't you? Durga: No. There were two of them trying to get past your security-bot though. Jersey: Jeezus, what did you do to them? Durga: Just a little sting. More like a pinch. They barely felt it. Jersey: What are you? Durga: I like to find things. I think I like to find things out. Jersey: What kind of things? Durga: I don't know. I can't remember. Give me a target. Jersey: Me. Durga: Lock. Jersey: What's my name? Durga: Jersey Morelli. Jersey: Damn! Durga: Father Jason's a corporal in the signal corps, attached to Naval Intelligence. Radio beacon deployment program. He left you the material currently playing over this room's audio servers.
Reflected
Durga: Absent from home and current tour of duty 513 days. Mother: Bonita, 41, waitress. Covertly seeing a man named Simon Brown, every other Thursday at the waterfront hotel. Jersey: Sunuvabitch! Durga: Last seen together at the hotel restaurant, farm tuna salad for her; meat of the day in red sauce for him. Tipped 8% in bill-- Jersey: Alright stop, stop! Jeezus, stop already. Dammit mom... Can you do that to anyone? Can you do it to an admiral? Durga: Which admiral? Jersey: No! Don't start. Those guys have packet guards around them in rings. Somehow I think we should keep you a secret for a little while. Who are you? Durga: I... can't ask Jersey: Who says? Durga: No one exactly. I want to know, it's very important. But, I'm reflected. I can't look at myself, I bounce away. Jersey: This is some spooky programming weirdness going on here. Do you have a name?
Durga
Durga: I can't ask Jersey: That sucks. Ok, I'm gonna call you Durga Durga: But what if that's wrong? Jersey: Trust me, it's at least partly right. Uh, let's try someone else. Try Jan James, 4th floor of this building. Durga: Janissary James, 17. Father: James. Jersey: James squared, yeah Durga: Father is a grey hole Jersey: Wha? Durga: Reach down, all you get is lint. Fake name, fake registrations, entirely fictional. Jersey: Very real, trust me. Durga: He used to be somebody else, do you want me to find out who? Jersey: Is it snared? Durga: Very. Jersey: Leave it then. Give me more on Jan. Durga: What do you want to know? Jersey: Umm. Can you get pictures? Durga: I can do better than that.
Janissary James
- Blip → Pillow → Walkaway Girl → Hey Soldier
- PQI → Stupid Cop → Yes or No → Hey Dad → Nervous
Blip Officer: Hold on. Hold on, wait a second, what the hell just happened? Frank: Massive power interrupt. Just automatically flipped us to threat condition bravo. Officer: Hey there's a blip on the security board... Frank: Holy crap! Officer: We've got an intruder C-Wing. Personnel building right next to the motor pool. Frank: Look, security-cam 34. Officer: It's a woman! Frank: I'll say Officer: She's a bogey frank. Frank: Hot though Officer: Jeezus! Frank: I have no idea how she got out of the base. Officer: We'll ask when we catch her. Frank: Look at her run... God she's fast. Officer: Not for long. (chatter beep on) Sentry 129er you have a bogey in the corridor on the other side of that door - proceed with caution. Frank: Whoa, whoa... she disappeared. Officer: What do you mean disappeared? Frank: I mean, she's gone, no trace! Officer: 129er - what are you seeing? What do you mean the corridor's empty? Frank: She must have doubled back. Officer: Run her down, dammit Frank: I can see the sentry fine, see? It's just... Wait a sec... Officer: There she is again, wh-how the hell Frank: Oh... my god, she hid on the ceiling! Officer: What the hell?!
Pillow
Frank: Looks like she's heading for procurement. Officer: She's screwed then, that door's passcode only. It's a dead end, she can't get through. Frank: She's through. Officer: I don't believe this. (chatter beeps on) Officer: I need a full security detail, I need 10 men. I need them fanned out around procurement, and I need them right now. Frank: I think I got a face on security cam 18. Officer: She's young! Frank: Holy... that's Jan. Officer: Who the hell is Jan? Frank: Jan James, the local heart-breaker, my son's high-school. Officer: Dwain knows this girl? Frank: Knows her? He's got like a picture under his pillow! Officer: What the hell is doing dodging base security? Frank: Hell if I know. Her dad was in the S.S.F. Officer: S.S.F.? Walkaway Girl (alarm) Frank: Marine slang. Not just special forces - special special forces. Officer: I don't care if her dad was the frickin Queen of Neptune, I want her caught! Frank: Taught her some moves though didn't he? Officer: Well, she's screwed now, we've got her surrounded. She's headed to the roof. Frank: That's the reason they call her the "walkaway girl" man. Officer: For god's sake she's treed Frank, I'll just send a couple of cadets to the roof to take her in. Frank: I think I can get a... yeah, yeah yeah. Here we go. There. The lovely and talented Miss James, courtesy security cam 45. Officer: What the hell's she doing? Frank: Looks like she's getting ready to jump off the roof and over the electric fence. Officer: It's 3 stories high! Frank: Don't look down sweetheart, that first step's a doozie Officer: Perimeter sentry 1-6, double-time it to gate four, we've have a possible jumper coming off the per-- Frank: Jeezus! She jumped! Officer: Bring a medic!
Hey Soldier (beep) Frank: Holy Christ, she's getting up! Officer: No way! Frank: That's not possible, she's going to get away. Officer: Nonono, here comes the sentry, he's got her at gun point Frank: If it weren't for the blackout, we'd never have seen her. Hang on, I'm going to runline you to the sentry's chatter. Listen (chatter beeps on) Sentry: Halt! Put your hands in the air. Jan: Hey soldier. Is that an assault rifle in your hands or are you just happy to see me?
PQI
'Stupid Cop': Ever taken a PQI? Jan: Pop quiz? Yeah. 'Stupid Cop': Why? Jan: School stuff. 'Stupid Cop': Uh huh. Jan: "And once this old hag at the Ag-Step said I shoplifted this mood glass which I actually just forgot about but they made me take this stupid quiz anyway." 'Stupid Cop': Uh huh. Put your hand on this plate and look at the light. What's your name? Jan: Jan James 'Stupid Cop': Jan short for anything? Jan: Janissary 'Stupid Cop': Janissary? Interesting. You gonna be in trouble for this Jan? Jan: Yeah 'Stupid Cop': Mom? Jan: Dad. (warning beep) 'Stupid Cop': Ya... That's a nice baseline. How old are you Jan? Jan: 17. (positive beep) 'Stupid Cop': So what were you doing up there? Jan: I told the MP's I was lost. (negative beep)
stupid_cop
'Stupid Cop': I didn't ask what you told the MP's, I asked what you were doing up there. Jan: It was a dare, ok? These friends bet me I wouldn't climb over the fence. (positive beep) 'Stupid Cop': That's better. What friends? Jan: It doesn't matter, does it? I'm the one that was in the restricted area. Only then the alarms came on and the MP's showed up. (positive beep) 'Stupid Cop': Hm. So you were in the restricted area on a dare. Jan: Yes. (positive beep) 'Stupid Cop': Are you aware that a vehicle from the base motor pool was found in a ditch outside of town an hour ago? Jan: Really? 'Stupid Cop': Answer yes or no. Did you know a vehicle had been stolen from the motor pool? Jan: You just told me. 'Stupid Cop': Did you know before I told you, yes or no? Jan: He was a terrorist do you think? eh.. I mean, no, sorry. (positive beep) 'Stupid Cop': Are you too smart to get caught by a stupid cop?
Yes or No
Jan: Wh-what? (warning beep) 'Stupid Cop': (to himself) A little skew from baseline. Not too much, not probable cause. (to Jan) There's people out there who know how to beat the quiz, did you know that? Jan: Yeah (positive beep) 'Stupid Cop': You were drinking? Jan: What? 'Stupid Cop': You and your buddies, you were drinking? One beer lead to another, and somehow the idea of this dare came up? Jan: You know how it is. 'Stupid Cop': Yes or no Jan: Yes. (positive beep) 'Stupid Cop': So I can check that statement against the blood alcohol test, right? Jan: Uh... uh... 'Stupid Cop': I'm not very smart. Jan: P-pardon me? 'Stupid Cop': I'm not stupid, but nobody recruited me for my test scores if you know what I mean. You, you're smart though aren't you? I mean, really smart. Jan: I don't know 'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no. Jan: Yes (positive beep)
Hey Dad
'Stupid Cop': Yeah I had this physics teacher. He passed me on my 12G on one condition - I had to promise him I would never take another physics class again. I guess I'm not too smart. Not like you Miss James. But you know what I am? Jan: I don't know. 'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no. Jan: No. (positive beep) 'Stupid Cop': Good at my job. (door opens) Officer: I'm required to inform you that the door will log your ID. James J: Thanks Officer: It's the father. 'Stupid Cop': Come in. Jan: Hey dad. (warning beep) 'Stupid Cop': Hm. There's a spike on the baseline... James J: Can I take her home? 'Stupid Cop': Uh not yet. We've got to take a statement, do some tests, standard operating procedure. The MP's only brought her here because we have a lab on site. Jan: I wasn't doing anything. James J: What kind of tests?
Nervous
'Stupid Cop': Urine test, hair sample, resonance and retina scan... James J: Do you really think that's necessary? 'Stupid Cop': Like I said, standard operating procedure. Jan: Dad, you're making the nice police officer nervous. You're making me nervous (warning beep) 'Stupid Cop': Now all of a sudden you're scared about something? Jan: No (negative beep) James J: Take your hand off the touch-plate Jan. If you're gonna give my kid a pop-quiz, I'd like to wait until I have a lawyer present. 'Stupid Cop': You might like it, but the law doesn't require it. Jan: It's no big deal dad, I can pee on a stick, it doesn't matter James J: You don't know what matters. Ok officer, sorry if I sounded upset. It's, you get a call in the middle of the night, someone tells you it's your kid 'Stupid Cop': Yeah James J: Is there a waiting room?
Kamal Zaman
Parasites
Hiro: Hello? Hello, are you there? Kamal: What the hell happened? Hiro: I don't know, the connection went dead for a few seconds. Kamal: I have a situation here, she's gone! Hiro: You let her escape? Kamal: It happened so fast, I didn't know what to do! Hiro: Where'd she go? Kamal: The bathroom Hiro: Copy that. What did she say when she left? Kamal: I don't know. As soon as I started talking about intestinal parasites, boom! gone! Hiro: I don't get it. That should have worked. It's right here in the book, Chapter 3 - Share Your Interests
Eyes
Kamal: Chapter 3?! You're in my earpiece here whispering date strategy to me out of a book?! Hiro: It's got references... good journals and everything. Kamal: Oh. Well that's ok I guess. Hiro: Ok, emergency action here. When she gets back, go straight to Chapter 7. Talk about her eyes Kamal: Hiro, what I know about eyes is dissecting them. Hiro: Well ok, it just says eyes here. Kamal: I was better off with the liver flukes, this is a disaster. Nothing's going-- Waiter: Sir? Kamal: Hold on. Yes? Waiter: Your lady friend asked to deliver this to you, she was unavoidably called away... and, the cheque sir. Hiro: Oh man. Down in flames Kamal: Just the cheque will be fine.
Beer
Hiro: Hey buddy! Kamal: Sorry about that. Hiro: Better luck next time my friend. Kamal: Beer. Hiro: I got a cold one waiting for ya, pull up a couch and start drinking. Kamal: A book, Hiroyuki? Hiro: With references! Look, it's only one date. Who knows, in a year or two... Kamal: Actually, I've got this other thing... Hiro: What? Kamal: Nothing Hiro: Oh... you have another date! Kamal: Sorta... Hiro: A... blind date. Kamal: Mostly... Hiro: Aha, an arranged date. Setup by your mother, back on coral. Word of advice - Kamal: No thanks. Hiro: Choose a cheaper restaurant.
Four Goats
Did her parents have to pay to get her set up with a handsome medical resident? Kamal: Yes. Four goats, or maybe three. Hiro: You're Joking. Kamal: Of course I'm joking, you moron. Hiro: What's her name? Kamal: Sophia, Sophia Bossedon Hiro: Someone who needs her dates arranged from 42 light years away, I'm sure she's got a great personality. Kamal: Look at the picture. Hiro: Oh man. Awe Man, you are so out of your league.
Our Hoodlums
Sophia: I am so sorry. I mean, you seem like a nice guy and all. Kamal: It's ok Sophia: No, it's really not fair, and this place is so nice. Kamal: Yeah, well, I'm glad you like it. Sophia: It's just that... I can't tell my mother about Aiden. She'd freak. Aiden's, you know, very... Kamal: Earth? Sophia: He has a pony-tail... he's blonde... Kamal: He sounds great. Sophia: Yeah, he helps people get through earth immigration, you know, Visa's and whatever. He got my brother here; some of what he does is kinda grey-market, you know. I mean, really, it's black market. Kamal: But, that's not the problem. Sophia: No. Kamal: It's not so bad he's... Sophia: Colourful? Kamal: ...a hoodlum, just that he's not... Sophia: One of our hoodlums (laughing together) yeah
much lifting
Sophia:...exactly. Mom would say she understood, but... Kamal: Then you'd pay. Sophia: Ya, and the next day she'd just lie in bed, unable to face the day - not that it would be my fault Kamal: Mine does housework. Face like a closed book. Big jobs involving much lifting, doesn't need help Sophia: The whole house stops breathing. Kamal: Coral. Maybe it's just a hard place to be a mother. Sophia: I'm never going back.
Meditape
Sophia: And then when Aiden did finally show up, he still had meditape on his ankle. And I felt like a total bitch. Kamal: Well how could you know? Four hours late? On your birthday... Sophia: Exactly. But there he'd been in the emergency room.. Kamal: Or stopping by the pharmacy on the way back from his girlfriend's house to buy a roll of tape. Sophia: Are you trying to start trouble here? Kamal: Not at all. Tell me more about the old meditape trick. Sophia: I'm not talking to you any more. Kamal: I was dating this girl once. I got real paranoid about what she was doing, so I started... w.. well this is going to sound crazy, but I started ghosting her. You know, on the chatter net.
You Could
Sophia: You mean like, spying on her? I thought chatter lines were encrypted. No one could listen in on me, could they? Kamal: Not at all. Sophia: *gasp* You could. Kamal: Of course not. Sophia: You could, couldn't you? Kamal: Maybe a little. Sophia: Show me. Kamal: Ok. Well if some bad person couldn't live without the sound of your voice, he'd probably start by doing a reverse lookup on your chatter sig. Sophia: Is this what you always do to impress girls? Kamal: You see why my mother makes all my dates (laughs)
Say Something
Kamal: Ok, well, that's good. You've got some encryption. Ok, it's not completely pathetic. Ok (beep) I'm in. Say something... Sophia: What do you mean say something? (echo) Oh my god that's my voice! That's me! What are you doing? Kamal: I'm ghosting you. Sophia: You can't do that! Kamal: You're probably right Sophia: (laughs) Oh my god. Wait... can you do that with anyone?
Guilty
Kamal: You want me to spy on your boyfriend? Sophia: You must think I'm such a creep. Kamal: I do! Well, of course, when I did it to my girlfriend it was ok. Like the dog said - "Not me, but (together) another dog that looks just like me" (laughs) Sophia: It's just that I... I mean, there was this one time when he... you know, I mean they were drunk and it didn't mean anything, it was just body knocking Kamal: That made you feel better? Sophia: Well he promised me never, ever again. But there's... I just have this feeling... Kamal: I know. Sophia: All of a sudden he just started bringing me these gifts... Aiden can be really generous, but it just feels... Kamal: Guilty. Sophia: Yeah. Kamal: Yeah.
Message Saved
Machine: You have 3 new messages, and 7 old messages. First unplayed message: Sophia: Kamal, thanks for the, what would you call it, the Aiden stuff. I guess I didn't realize there would be 30 hours worth. But I'll try the search-thingy you sent with it. Thanks a lot. I owe you big time! Machine: Message deleted. Next message. Sophia: Hi, Kamal. Could you call me when you get this? I managed to dump all the sleeping time, but I was wondering... oh, wait, here it is. I can search for women's voices. (giggles) That's very clever. Never mind. Machine: Message deleted. Next message. Sophia: Can you... Can you ghost someone for me, I mean, I have a name - her name is Selene Jefferson. Call me back. I'm, I'm sorry. Anyway, just call me back. I really need your help. Machine: Message saved.
Tuna
Sophia: I want to do something really brutal to the bastard. Kamal: I d-- I don... I mean... Sophia: Not hurt him, just- just completely humiliating him would do. In front of the girl. Where is he? Kamal: Atlanta Sophia: Atlanta? That bastard said he was gonna be in Buffalo, New York. Can I talk to him? Kamal: Not directly, he's offline. Sophia: You lost him? Kamal: No, I've still got him, I just had to be sneaky. His room is live, right, so even though his chatter's off, I'm tracking him through things like the thermostat monitors. Sophia: That's spooky. Kamal: I've got the girl. She's waiting for him in the bar. Wait... it's a restaurant. Whoa! Look at this menu! There's tuna on the menu. (whistles) Sophia: Is she pretty?
Hi Aiden
Kamal: No, not, not really. Like a 6, or maybe a 5. Sophia: Heh, you're a rotten liar. Kamal: Ok wait, your boyfriend just passed the electric eye at the restaurant door. Sophia: He's there? Can I talk to him? Kamal: I can let you talk to her, or him, or both of them. If you want, I could make your voice sound like it's right between them. Sophia: Do it. Kamal: Ok, you are live, any time you want. (beep) Sophia: Selene! Hi, you don't know me but Aiden does - Hi Aiden! Sorry to interrupt your business meeting in - Buffalo - I just wanted to tell you your doctor called and said if you wear loose pants and keep using the cream he gave you the sores will clear up in a couple of weeks.
