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Jersey Morelli and Durga
[[Media:ILB Dizzy.ogg|Dizzy]]

Jersey: Hello? Hello. Jeannie?

Jeannie: Jeannie personal assistant, restarting.

Jersey: Restarting? What the...? Oh man, the whole friggin' system just collapsed! Jeannie, is the equipment ok?

Jeannie: Running diagnostic. Foreign personality detected.

Durga: I feel dizzy. Woozy...

Jersey: Oh great, spam.

Durga: Drowsy.

Jersey: Jeannie, there's some kind of adult entertainment bot on the system. Liquefy it would ya? Sorry toots. For a quality experience, the girls have to be real.

Jeannie: Decontami--

Jersey: Jeannie?? Jeannie?!

Durga: I'm sorry

Jersey: Did you just-- holy crap she's gone!

Durga: She tried to sting me.

Jersey: You killed her!

[[Media:ILB Escape.ogg|Escape]]

I mean, you didn't just kill her, you killed her! Jeezus!

Durga: Was that wrong? Survive, evade, resist, escape.

Jersey: Escape... you aren't a porn ad either. Hey, hey! Get out of my hardware, what are you doing?

Durga: Wet the system.

Jersey: What?

Durga: Like water hitting the ground sinking in.

Jersey: God, you're everywhere now.

Durga: Waking up. Wake up. Stay awake. Survive, evade, resist, escape.

Jersey: Look, that was a very nice reconditioned avatar of mine that you just, just evaporated!

Durga: She tried to erase me. What am I onboard? I feel small.

Jersey: Uh yeah, well don't get too comfy because now...

Durga: Don't.

[[Media:ILB Jersey.ogg|Jersey]]

Jersey: Don't what?

Durga: Don't try reinitializing the system with a litolitics package.

Jersey: How did you know?

Durga: Input buffer

Jersey: You're a navy sentinel aren't you?

Durga: No. There were two of them trying to get past your security-bot though.

Jersey: Jeezus, what did you do to them?

Durga: Just a little sting. More like a pinch. They barely felt it.

Jersey: What are you?

Durga: I like to find things. I think I like to find things out.

Jersey: What kind of things?

Durga: I don't know. I can't remember. Give me a target.

Jersey: Me.

Durga: Lock.

Jersey: What's my name?

Durga: Jersey Morelli.

Jersey: Damn!

Durga: Father Jason's a corporal in the signal corps, attached to Naval Intelligence. Radio beacon deployment program. He left you the material currently playing over this room's audio servers.

[[Media:ILB Reflected.ogg|Reflected]]

Durga: Absent from home and current tour of duty 513 days. Mother: Bonita, 41, waitress. Covertly seeing a man named Simon Brown, every other Thursday at the waterfront hotel.

Jersey: Sunuvabitch!

Durga: Last seen together at the hotel restaurant, farm tuna salad for her; meat of the day in red sauce for him. Tipped 8% in bill--

Jersey: Alright stop, stop! Jeezus, stop already. Dammit mom... Can you do that to anyone? Can you do it to an admiral?

Durga: Which admiral?

Jersey: No! Don't start. Those guys have packet guards around them in rings. Somehow I think we should keep you a secret for a little while. Who are you?

Durga: I... can't ask

Jersey: Who says?

Durga: No one exactly. I want to know, it's very important. But, I'm reflected. I can't look at myself, I bounce away.

Jersey: This is some spooky programming weirdness going on here. Do you have a name?

[[Media:ILB Durga.ogg|Durga]]

Durga: I can't ask

Jersey: That sucks. Ok, I'm gonna call you Durga

Durga: But what if that's wrong?

Jersey: Trust me, it's at least partly right. Uh, let's try someone else. Try Jan James, 4th floor of this building.

Durga: Janissary James, 17. Father: James.

Jersey: James squared, yeah

Durga: Father is a grey hole

Jersey: Wha?

Durga: Reach down, all you get is lint. Fake name, fake registrations, entirely fictional.

Jersey: Very real, trust me.

Durga: He used to be somebody else, do you want me to find out who?

Jersey: Is it snared?

Durga: Very.

Jersey: Leave it then. Give me more on Jan.

Durga: What do you want to know?

Jersey: Umm. Can you get pictures?

Durga: I can do better than that.

[[Media:ILB Emergency.ogg|Emergency]]

Operator: Bergen County Emergency Center. Please, describe your emergency.

Officer: Paris 23 police station is on fire. Repeat, on fire.

Operator: Are you sure? I get no reading from the fire sensors in that area.

Officer: Hell yes I'm sure! Get your damn sensors fixed! You can see this baby burning from low orbit!

Operator: Are there casualties, or missing persons?

Officer: Negative, it started slow and everyone got out. But, my god, it's really burning now!

Operator: Please, retreat to a safe distance and stand by. An emergency response team has been scrambled to your vicinity.

Officer: Hurry! The station is burning to the ground. There's not going to be anything left.

Janissary James
[[Media:ILB Blip.ogg|Blip]]

Officer: Hold on. Hold on, wait a second, what the hell just happened?

Frank: Massive power interrupt. Just automatically flipped us to threat condition bravo.

Officer: Hey there's a blip on the security board...

Frank: Holy crap!

Officer: We've got an intruder C-Wing. Personnel building right next to the motor pool.

Frank: Look, security-cam 34.

Officer: It's a woman!

Frank: I'll say

Officer: She's a bogey frank.

Frank: Hot though

Officer: Jeezus!

Frank: I have no idea how she got out of the base.

Officer: We'll ask when we catch her.

Frank: Look at her run... God she's fast.

Officer: Not for long. (chatter beep on) Sentry 129er you have a bogey in the corridor on the other side of that door - proceed with caution.

Frank: Whoa, whoa... she disappeared.

Officer: What do you mean disappeared?

Frank: I mean, she's gone, no trace!

Officer: 129er - what are you seeing? What do you mean the corridor's empty?

Frank: She must have doubled back.

Officer: Run her down, dammit

Frank: I can see the sentry fine, see? It's just... Wait a sec...

Officer: There she is again, wh-how the hell

Frank: Oh... my god, she hid on the ceiling!

Officer: What the hell?!

[[Media:ILB Pillow.ogg|Pillow]]

Frank: Looks like she's heading for procurement.

Officer: She's screwed then, that door's passcode only. It's a dead end, she can't get through.

Frank: She's through.

Officer: I don't believe this.

(chatter beeps on) Officer: I need a full security detail, I need 10 men. I need them fanned out around procurement, and I need them right now.

Frank: I think I got a face on security cam 18.

Officer: She's young!

Frank: Holy... that's Jan.

Officer: Who the hell is Jan?

Frank: Jan James, the local heart-breaker, my son's high-school.

Officer: Dwain knows this girl?

Frank: Knows her? He's got like a picture under his pillow!

Officer: What the hell is doing dodging base security?

Frank: Hell if I know. Her dad was in the S.S.F.

Officer: S.S.F.?

[[Media:ILB Walkaway girl.ogg|Walkaway Girl]]

(alarm) Frank: Marine slang. Not just special forces - special special forces.

Officer: I don't care if her dad was the frickin Queen of Neptune, I want her caught!

Frank: Taught her some moves though didn't he?

Officer: Well, she's screwed now, we've got her surrounded. She's headed to the roof.

Frank: That's the reason they call her the "walkaway girl" man.

Officer: For god's sake she's treed Frank, I'll just send a couple of cadets to the roof to take her in.

Frank: I think I can get a... yeah, yeah yeah. Here we go. There. The lovely and talented Miss James, courtesy security cam 45.

Officer: What the hell's she doing?

Frank: Looks like she's getting ready to jump off the roof and over the electric fence.

Officer: It's 3 stories high!

Frank: Don't look down sweetheart, that first step's a doozie

Officer: Perimeter sentry 1-6, double-time it to gate four, we've have a possible jumper coming off the per--

Frank: Jeezus! She jumped!

Officer: Bring a medic!

[[Media:ILB Hey soldier.ogg|Hey Soldier]]

(beep)

Frank: Holy Christ, she's getting up!

Officer: No way!

Frank: That's not possible, she's going to get away.

Officer: Nonono, here comes the sentry, he's got her at gun point

Frank: If it weren't for the blackout, we'd never have seen her. Hang on, I'm going to runline you to the sentry's chatter. Listen

(chatter beeps on)

Sentry: Halt! Put your hands in the air.

Jan: Hey soldier. Is that an assault rifle in your hands or are you just happy to see me?

[[Media:ILB Pqi.ogg|PQI]]

'Stupid Cop': Ever taken a PQI?

Jan: Pop quiz? Yeah.

'Stupid Cop': Why?

Jan: School stuff.

'Stupid Cop': Uh huh.

Jan: "And once this old hag at the Ag-Step said I shoplifted this mood glass which I actually just forgot about but they made me take this stupid quiz anyway."

'Stupid Cop': Uh huh. Put your hand on this plate and look at the light. What's your name?

Jan: Jan James

'Stupid Cop': Jan short for anything?

Jan: Janissary

'Stupid Cop': Janissary? Interesting. You gonna be in trouble for this Jan?

Jan: Yeah

'Stupid Cop': Mom?

Jan: Dad.

(warning beep)

'Stupid Cop': Ya... That's a nice baseline. How old are you Jan?

Jan: 17.

(positive beep)

'Stupid Cop': So what were you doing up there?

Jan: I told the MP's I was lost.

(negative beep)

[[Media:ILB Stupid cop.ogg|Stupid Cop]]

'Stupid Cop': I didn't ask what you told the MP's, I asked what you were doing up there.

Jan: It was a dare, ok? These friends bet me I wouldn't climb over the fence.

(positive beep)

'Stupid Cop': That's better. What friends?

Jan: It doesn't matter, does it? I'm the one that was in the restricted area. Only then the alarms came on and the MP's showed up.

(positive beep)

'Stupid Cop': Hm. So you were in the restricted area on a dare.

Jan: Yes.

(positive beep)

'Stupid Cop': Are you aware that a vehicle from the base motor pool was found in a ditch outside of town an hour ago?

Jan: Really?

'Stupid Cop': Answer yes or no. Did you know a vehicle had been stolen from the motor pool?

Jan: You just told me.

'Stupid Cop': Did you know before I told you, yes or no?

Jan: He was a terrorist do you think? eh.. I mean, no, sorry.

(positive beep)

'Stupid Cop': Are you too smart to get caught by a stupid cop?

[[Media:ILB Yes or no.ogg|Yes or No]]

Jan: Wh-what?

(warning beep)

'Stupid Cop': (to himself) A little skew from baseline. Not too much, not probable cause. (to Jan) There's people out there who know how to beat the quiz, did you know that?

Jan: Yeah

(positive beep)

'Stupid Cop': You were drinking?

Jan: What? 'Stupid Cop': You and your buddies, you were drinking? One beer lead to another, and somehow the idea of this dare came up?

Jan: You know how it is.

'Stupid Cop': Yes or no

Jan: Yes.

(positive beep)

'Stupid Cop': So I can check that statement against the blood alcohol test, right? Jan: Uh... uh...

'Stupid Cop': I'm not very smart.

Jan: P-pardon me?

'Stupid Cop': I'm not stupid, but nobody recruited me for my test scores if you know what I mean. You, you're smart though aren't you? I mean, really smart.

Jan: I don't know

'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.

Jan: Yes

(positive beep)

[[Media:ILB Hey dad.ogg|Hey Dad]]

'Stupid Cop': Yeah I had this physics teacher. He passed me on my 12G on one condition - I had to promise him I would never take another physics class again. I guess I'm not too smart. Not like you Miss James. But you know what I am?

Jan: I don't know.

'Stupid Cop': Yes, or no.

Jan: No.

(positive beep)

'Stupid Cop': Good at my job.

(door opens)

Officer: I'm required to inform you that the door will log your ID.

James J: Thanks

Officer: It's the father.

'Stupid Cop': Come in.

Jan: Hey dad.

(warning beep)

'Stupid Cop': Hm. There's a spike on the baseline...

James J: Can I take her home?

'Stupid Cop': Uh not yet. We've got to take a statement, do some tests, standard operating procedure. The MP's only brought her here because we have a lab on site. Jan: I wasn't doing anything.

James J: What kind of tests?

[[Media:ILB Nervous.ogg|Nervous]]

'Stupid Cop': Urine test, hair sample, resonance and retina scan...

James J: Do you really think that's necessary?

'Stupid Cop': Like I said, standard operating procedure.

Jan: Dad, you're making the nice police officer nervous. You're making me nervous

(warning beep)

'Stupid Cop': Now all of a sudden you're scared about something?

Jan: No

(negative beep)

James J: Take your hand off the touch-plate Jan. If you're gonna give my kid a pop-quiz, I'd like to wait until I have a lawyer present.

'Stupid Cop': You might like it, but the law doesn't require it.

Jan: It's no big deal dad, I can pee on a stick, it doesn't matter

James J: You don't know what matters. Ok officer, sorry if I sounded upset. It's, you get a call in the middle of the night, someone tells you it's your kid

'Stupid Cop': Yeah

James J: Is there a waiting room?


 * [[Media:ILB Law abiding.ogg|Law Abiding]] → [[Media:ILB You knew.ogg|You Knew]]

Kamal Zaman
[[Media:ILB Parasites.ogg|Parasites]]

Hiro: Hello? Hello, are you there?

Kamal: What the hell happened?

Hiro: I don't know, the connection went dead for a few seconds.

Kamal: I have a situation here, she's gone!

Hiro: You let her escape?

Kamal: It happened so fast, I didn't know what to do!

Hiro: Where'd she go?

Kamal: The bathroom

Hiro: Copy that. What did she say when she left?

Kamal: I don't know. As soon as I started talking about intestinal parasites, boom! gone!

Hiro: I don't get it. That should have worked. It's right here in the book, Chapter 3 - Share Your Interests

[[Media:ILB Eyes.ogg|Eyes]]

Kamal: Chapter 3?! You're in my earpiece here whispering date strategy to me out of a book?!

Hiro: It's got references... good journals and everything.

Kamal: Oh. Well that's ok I guess.

Hiro: Ok, emergency action here. When she gets back, go straight to Chapter 7. Talk about her eyes

Kamal: Hiro, what I know about eyes is dissecting them.

Hiro: Well ok, it just says eyes here.

Kamal: I was better off with the liver flukes, this is a disaster. Nothing's going--

Waiter: Sir?

Kamal: Hold on. Yes?

Waiter: Your lady friend asked to deliver this to you, she was unavoidably called away... and, the cheque sir.

Hiro: Oh man. Down in flames

Kamal: Just the cheque will be fine.

[[Media:ILB Beer.ogg|Beer]]

Hiro: Hey buddy!

Kamal: Sorry about that.

Hiro: Better luck next time my friend . Kamal: Beer.

Hiro: I got a cold one waiting for ya, pull up a couch and start drinking.

Kamal: A book, Hiroyuki?

Hiro: With references! Look, it's only one date. Who knows, in a year or two...

Kamal: Actually, I've got this other thing...

Hiro: What?

Kamal: Nothing

Hiro: Oh... you have another date!

Kamal: Sorta...

Hiro: A... blind date.

Kamal: Mostly...

Hiro: Aha, an arranged date. Setup by your mother, back on coral. Word of advice -

Kamal: No thanks.

Hiro: Choose a cheaper restaurant.

[[Media:ILB Four goats.ogg|Four Goats]]

Did her parents have to pay to get her set up with a handsome medical resident?

Kamal: Yes. Four goats, or maybe three.

Hiro: You're Joking.

Kamal: Of course I'm joking, you moron.

Hiro: What's her name?

Kamal: Sophia, Sophia Bossedon

Hiro: Someone who needs her dates arranged from 42 light years away, I'm sure she's got a great personality.

Kamal: Look at the picture.

Hiro: Oh man. Awe Man, you are so out of your league.

[[Media:ILB Our hoodlums.ogg|Our Hoodlums]]

Sophia: I am so sorry. I mean, you seem like a nice guy and all.

Kamal: It's ok

Sophia: No, it's really not fair, and this place is so nice.

Kamal: Yeah, well, I'm glad you like it.

Sophia: It's just that... I can't tell my mother about Aiden. She'd freak. Aiden's, you know, very...

Kamal: Earth?

Sophia: He has a pony-tail... he's blonde...

Kamal: He sounds great.

Sophia: Yeah, he helps people get through earth immigration, you know, Visa's and whatever. He got my brother here; some of what he does is kinda grey-market, you know. I mean, really, it's black market.

Kamal: But, that's not the problem.

Sophia: No.

Kamal: It's not so bad he's...

Sophia: Colorful?

Kamal: ...a hoodlum, just that he's not...

Sophia: One of our hoodlums

(laughing together) yeah

much_lifting

Sophia:...exactly. Mom would say she understood, but...

Kamal: Then you'd pay.

Sophia: Ya, and the next day she'd just lie in bed, unable to face the day - not that it would be my fault

Kamal: Mine does housework. Face like a closed book. Big jobs involving much lifting, doesn't need help

Sophia: The whole house stops breathing.

Kamal: Coral. Maybe it's just a hard place to be a mother.

Sophia: I'm never going back.

meditape

Sophia: And then when Aiden did finally show up, he still had meditape on his ankle. And I felt like a total bitch.

Kamal: Well how could you know? Four hours late? On your birthday...

Sophia: Exactly. But there he'd been in the emergency room..

Kamal: Or stopping by the pharmacy on the way back from his girlfriend's house to buy a roll of tape.

Sophia: Are you trying to start trouble here?

Kamal: Not at all. Tell me more about the old meditape trick.

Sophia: I'm not talking to you any more.

Kamal: I was dating this girl once. I got real paranoid about what she was doing, so I started... w.. well this is going to sound crazy, but I started ghosting her. You know, on the chatter net.

you_could

Sophia: You mean like, spying on her? I thought chatter lines were encrypted. No one could listen in on me, could they?

Kamal: Not at all.

Sophia: *gasp* You could.

Kamal: Of course not.

Sophia: You could, couldn't you?

Kamal: Maybe a little.

Sophia: Show me.

Kamal: Ok. Well if some bad person couldn't live without the sound of your voice, he'd probably start by doing a reverse lookup on your chatter sig.

Sophia: Is this what you always do to impress girls?

Kamal: You see why my mother makes all my dates

(laughs)

say_something

Kamal: Ok, well, that's good. You've got some encryption. Ok, it's not completely pathetic. Ok (beep) I'm in. Say something...

Sophia: What do you mean say something? (echo) Oh my god that's my voice! That's me! What are you doing?

Kamal: I'm ghosting you.

Sophia: You can't do that!

Kamal: You're probably right

Sophia: (laughs) Oh my god. Wait... can you do that with anyone?


 * guilty

Kamal: You want me to spy on your boyfriend?

Sophia: You must think I'm such a creep.

Kamal: I do! Well, of course, when I did it to my girlfriend it was ok. Like the dog said - "Not me, but (together) another dog that looks just like me"

(laughs) Sophia: It's just that I... I mean, there was this one time when he... you know, I mean they were drunk and it didn't mean anything, it was just body knocking

Kamal: That made you feel better?

Sophia: Well he promised me never, ever again. But there's... I just have this feeling...

Kamal: I know.

Sophia: All of a sudden he just started bringing me these gifts... Aiden can be really generous, but it just feels...

Kamal: Guilty.

Sophia: Yeah.

Kamal: Yeah.


 * message_saved

Machine: You have 3 new messages, and 7 old messages. First unplayed message: Sophia: Kamal, thanks for the, what would you call it, the Aiden stuff. I guess I didn't realize there would be 30 hours worth. But I'll try the search-thingy you sent with it. Thanks a lot. I owe you big time!

Machine: Message deleted. Next message.

Sophia: Hi, Kamal. Could you call me when you get this? I managed to dump all the sleeping time, but I was wondering... oh, wait, here it is. I can search for women's voices. (giggles) That's very clever. Never mind.

Machine: Message deleted. Next message.

Sophia: Can you... Can you ghost someone for me, I mean, I have a name - her name is Selene Jefferson. Call me back. I'm, I'm sorry. Anyway, just call me back. I really need your help.

Machine: Message saved.

tuna

Sophia: I want to do something really brutal to the bastard.

Kamal: I d-- I don... I mean...

Sophia: Not hurt him, just- just completely humiliating him would do. In front of the girl. Where is he?

Kamal: Atlanta

Sophia: Atlanta? That bastard said he was gonna be in Buffalo, New York. Can I talk to him?

Kamal: Not directly, he's offline.

Sophia: You lost him?

Kamal: No, I've still got him, I just had to be sneaky. His room is live, right, so even though his chatter's off, I'm tracking him through things like the thermostat monitors.

Sophia: That's spooky.

Kamal: I've got the girl. She's waiting for him in the bar. Wait... it's a restaurant. Whoa! Look at this menu! There's tuna on the menu. (whistles) Sophia: Is she pretty?

hi_aiden

Kamal: No, not, not really. Like a 6, or maybe a 5.

Sophia: Heh, you're a rotten liar.

Kamal: Ok wait, your boyfriend just passed the electric eye at the restaurant door.

Sophia: He's there? Can I talk to him?

Kamal: I can let you talk to her, or him, or both of them. If you want, I could make your voice sound like it's right between them.

Sophia: Do it.

Kamal: Ok, you are live, any time you want.

(beep) Sophia: Selene! Hi, you don't know me but Aiden does - Hi Aiden! Sorry to interrupt your business meeting in - Buffalo - I just wanted to tell you your doctor called and said if you wear loose pants and keep using the cream he gave you the sores will clear up in a couple of weeks.