Forum:Fanfic starring Halopedians

Introduction
Hello, my name's RR - I think most of you know me. Well, as you're probably aware, Ryan is making a long fanfic series regarding his XBL clan - Lima Company - at this page (link has been fixed). Guest writers were invited, so I jumped aboard the bandwagon and have been writing prequels to Ryan's fantastic works.

I have featured many Halopedians in my fanfics (although many unfortunately have to die. =D), and as I'm in the process of writing a second episode (link has been fixed), I am looking for users to portray as Special Forces commandoes. Whoever wants to be in will automatically be placed into the fanfic, although I reserve the right to kill you in whatever ridiculous way I wish to, or conversely, make you live in some crzzy-@$$ way. =D

Please message me at my talk page to be in Episode II. =D

BTW, the first episode (link has been fixed) has been completed! Check it out! Many Halopedians have been featured in it too! =D

Cheers,

Gho st I nsi de the M ach ine ''(Whisper through the Storm ) (My Journeys ) (Omens ) 18:52, 23 February 2007 (UTC)
 * Okay...not too hot 'round here, I suppose. Cheers, Gho st I nsi de the M ach ine <font color="#808080">''(<font color="#808080">Whisper through the Storm ) (<font color="#808080">My Journeys ) (<font color="#808080">Omens ) 20:53, 23 February 2007 (UTC)

Discussion Regarding Episode I
I know Caboose was incredulous that we risked our asses to save her. =D Anyone think of a logical rationale for it? =D

Cheers,

<font color="#D3D3D3">Gho <font color="#A9A9A9">st I <font color="#808080">nsi <font color="#000000">de the M <font color="#808080">ach <font color="#A9A9A9">ine <font color="#808080">''(<font color="#808080">Whisper through the Storm ) (<font color="#808080">My Journeys ) (<font color="#808080">Omens ) 18:57, 23 February 2007 (UTC)
 * Very Helpful Tip (maybe): don't risk your a**es for me again! Or at least in large numbers. I don't mind being rescued, but don't make 36 people, that includes you RR, die for a stupid cause. 36 lives are worth more than one and a life(s) wasted is worse than a life lost for a just cause (my death).-- Caboose  [[Image:Caboose.jpg|35 px]] Orange Juice  and  Cookies  16:26, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

Discussion Regarding Episode II
As a writer, it helps me a lot when I know what fans are thinking inside their heads, so I know how to make the story even better. =D Any ideas about what's going on regarding Caboose and the corpses? What about the explosion of Fleet One? =D

Cheers,

<font color="#D3D3D3">Gho <font color="#A9A9A9">st I <font color="#808080">nsi <font color="#000000">de the M <font color="#808080">ach <font color="#A9A9A9">ine <font color="#808080">''(<font color="#808080">Whisper through the Storm ) (<font color="#808080">My Journeys ) (<font color="#808080">Omens ) 18:58, 23 February 2007 (UTC)
 * I wanna be in it and die in some weird a**ed way!--Pvt. Vamis Vinam 15:08, 24 February 2007 (UTC)
 * I exploded ^_^ -- Signed, That guy what always says the weird stuff

Anyone have any idea what's going on regarding the dying dudes? Like the dudes that die in ridiculously wierdo ways. =D Cheers, <font color="#D3D3D3">Gho <font color="#A9A9A9">st I <font color="#808080">nsi <font color="#000000">de the M <font color="#808080">ach <font color="#A9A9A9">ine <font color="#808080">''(<font color="#808080">Whisper through the Storm ) (<font color="#808080">My Journeys ) (<font color="#808080">Omens ) 16:29, 24 February 2007 (UTC)
 * Kinda. Sorta. Not really. Really, not really. But only kinda not really. You're really confused, eh? =D Cheers, <font color="#D3D3D3">Gho <font color="#A9A9A9">st I <font color="#808080">nsi <font color="#000000">de the M <font color="#808080">ach <font color="#A9A9A9">ine <font color="#808080">''(<font color="#808080">Whisper through the Storm ) (<font color="#808080">My Journeys ) (<font color="#808080">Omens ) 16:39, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

I think there is a madman running around with a chainsaw. :D-- Caboose   Orange Juice  and  Cookies  16:55, 24 February 2007 (UTC)
 * Dude with a chainsaw? Chainsaws can do ALL that crazzy stuff? Okay...oh..and added more details to the LONE STAR section where Caboose saves the Apaches. When the APCs pull upand allthe crazy deaths occur, Caboose sees no one...spooky, eh? =D Cheers, <font color="#D3D3D3">Gho <font color="#A9A9A9">st I <font color="#808080">nsi <font color="#000000">de the M <font color="#808080">ach <font color="#A9A9A9">ine <font color="#808080">''(<font color="#808080">Whisper through the Storm ) (<font color="#808080">My Journeys ) (<font color="#808080">Omens ) 17:02, 24 February 2007 (UTC)
 * I know! That's why I think there's a madman with a chainsaw!-- Caboose  [[Image:Caboose.jpg|35 px]] Orange Juice  and  Cookies  21:28, 24 February 2007 (UTC)
 * Either that, or their is a strangesuper deadly and highly contagious form of Ebola on the loose. :D -- Caboose  [[Image:Caboose.jpg|35 px]] Orange Juice  and  Cookies  21:39, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

Relentless asks VV questions
 * What is the mood of the story?
 * It's a SWAT type feel, with treachery (Nelson) and exitement. It just needs dramatic music.


 * What do you think is going on regarding all the crzzy deaths and stuff? =D
 * It's a sim. Advanced training for all of the teams. Caboose is going through torture resistence training, and everyone else is learning to deal with terrorists and hostage situations. --Pvt. Vamis Vinam 17:12, 24 February 2007 (UTC)


 * Which episode do you think has the "SWAT-like" feel? 1? That was SWATish. 2? That was...err...dunnoish. =D
 * The first episode felt SWAT. Sonics, bullets, hostages, abd Nelson leaving you to die (That wasn't nice)


 * Do you think that Nelson (i.e. Ryanngreenday =D no pun intended) is really treacherous? =D (if you say that he was right to not believe Caboose and leave me to get missiled, I'll kill you. =D)
 * More treacherous in that he doesn't even consider looking at all of the facts before declaring someone KIA or unstable. A poor leader. He even refused to believe you were alive -gasp and distress-
 * I still can't believe he had me drugged and then left you to die. It would have been one less life lost.-- Caboose  [[Image:Caboose.jpg|35 px]] Orange Juice  and  Cookies  21:29, 24 February 2007 (UTC)


 * Whoa...extraordinarily radical idea regarding Episode II. Oh shit. =D You'll see the conclusion...but I'm compelled to ask you, you really think it's all a sim? =D That's like the Matrix, eh? =D
 * I thought about it, and that's the only conclusion that seemed reasonable without using the word telekinesis. --Pvt. Vamis Vinam 17:43, 24 February 2007 (UTC)


 * Aww. I'm dead. That was awesome! I'm usually never good with a sniper rifle (unless I'm lucky), so now I can add "Professional Sniper" to my resumé.Dude984 23:23, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

The Spy/Caboose
Is that a spy, or is it really me? If so, why won't anyone believe me!!!!!!!!!! And why does everyone keep calling me a bitch/slut?!!!!!! Just kidding, the language adds to the uh...mood of the story. :D But seriously, is that a spy or is it me?-- Caboose   Orange Juice  and  Cookies  21:32, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

The Antagonist?
"I thought about it, and that's the only conclusion that seemed reasonable without using the word telekinesis."

- Vamis vinam

"A VERY important question which without I can't continue writing: what/who do you think is the source of the TK?"

- RR

"Caboose. The torture removed mental inhibitions, as humanity uses only a small portion of their brains, the torture broke some barriers and allowed her access into more advanced, mind-bending regions of the brain."

- Vamis vinam

Crazy people. :D -- Caboose   Orange Juice  and  Cookies  18:09, 25 February 2007 (UTC)
 * I'm not crazy... I'M NOT CRAZY!!>.> <.< --Pvt. Vamis Vinam 18:15, 25 February 2007 (UTC)

No I meant the source of TK, not you guys! :D -- Caboose   Orange Juice  and  Cookies  18:21, 25 February 2007 (UTC)

Review
First of all, I'm not a big fan of stories about the human military as I find the tight and rigid demeanor unappealing. I have been able to get into FoR and GoO because of the interesting characters involved in the militaristic setting. However, this script style leaves me unable to get into the characters' heads, and I found the fic a bit dry.

The main idea behind the story seems to be that the Halopedians are the characters, but I don't think that any of the characters besides RR, who the story was authored by, were remotely in-character. I have nothing wrong with original characters who are simply named after Halopedians (I named an Elite after my friend), but there didn't seem to be any real character development at all.

I dislike the fact that Caboose, the only real active female Halopedian, was used for the stereotypical damsel in dstress role. Also RR has made his distaste for Esemono in no way secret, and making him the bad guy in this seems petty to me, not unlike the potrayal of Ebert and Siskel as bumbling polititians in the American remake of Godzilla after they gave the writers' previous movie a bad review. ...And what am I, Naruto?

Finally, the description portions seemed at times too scientific for a bloody war story. Example: "The light of the setting Sun, its rays of photons diffracted from the aerated photochemical smog and oxygen and prismatically drifracting into a starburst of mournful colors, alights RELENTLESS's eyes as he spastically lurches for his last, blood-impregnated breath." It's like it's weaving in and out of exact description and poetic prose, which I find hard to get into.

Please understand that I don't mean offense. I simply think it deserves some critism. --Dragonclaws(talk) 23:35, 26 February 2007 (UTC)

I find myself being realistically portrayed. A bravado charged yell, then an embarasing death :P --Pvt. Vamis Vinam 23:45, 26 February 2007 (UTC)


 * Replied on Dragonclaw's talk page, although I would like to state again that I did not intent nor wish to portray Esemono as a bad character...regardless of the next plot twist. =D He's a good guy, even though he shies away from making contact with me. =S Cheers, <font color="#D3D3D3">Gho <font color="#A9A9A9">st I <font color="#808080">nsi <font color="#000000">de the M <font color="#808080">ach <font color="#A9A9A9">ine <font color="#808080">''(<font color="#808080">Whisper through the Storm ) (<font color="#808080">My Journeys ) (<font color="#808080">Omens ) 23:56, 26 February 2007 (UTC)

Goddamn, my character is ANGRY! I like that :)

KillerCRS 00:47, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

Perhaps this could be made into a shared page between Halo Fanon and Halopedia. Thanks, --H*bad 13:59, 27 February 2007 (UTC)

That's a good story, thanks for involving me. -- Joshua 029 11:53, 3 March 2007 (UTC)

IVE BEEN DECEIVED!
RR told me that I was in the story!--User:JohnSpartan117 01:57, 1 March 2007 (UTC)


 * You are, look:

Captain John - Apache One (JohnSpartan117) --Pvt. Vamis Vinam 02:06, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

By chance am I CHAZZ?--The Chazz025 and Clan [Razu'Kuzumee] 02:18, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

Which character am I in the story?? (I want to know how I died). Spartan G-23 17:20 Sunday, March 3 2007. Yay I am a lieutenant. Spartan G-23

Hey cool! I'm the lieutenant.

<font color="#pald">No seem <font color="#grey">s to be e verywhere   [Noone to talk to]  +  [Nothing here]  +  [False Character]

Reanimation
I want to be ALIIIIIIVEE. I died so stupidly, after all. I like being a star. (just kidding) Anyway, if you could stick me in there, that would be muy bueno. Danke shoen,  SPARTAN-091   HelmetComm undefined Juliet   18:08, 23 April 2007 (UTC)

Wow
RR, all I can really say is bravo. I just finished reading Episodes I and II, and I almost literally was glued to my computer.

So, seeing as how good your story is, I'd like to request a role in the story. It doesn't have to be a large one (preferably so, however ;]), but I really would like to have a role in the undertaking of this magnitude and excellence. Thanks.--CT-5619 helmet comlink 01:02, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

Just Wondering
Hi, I was just wondering if I could be in the story?

<font color="#78866B">SPARTAN-001  [COM•C S V ] <font color=darkblue size=0.15>DARKEST NIGHT  21:32, 14 May 2007 (UTC)

P.S. You don't have to if you don't want to.

Hey RR, can I be in the story please...but if u dont want to u dont have to... Iloveenergyswords 01:11, 18 May 2007 (UTC) RR can I can be in your story I don't care if i die. 4 ever ·  · Chief frank 001 ·  ·  The spartan  02:06, 18 May 2007 (UTC) Yeah RR, I wanted to add to the list of finding out if I could be in the story? I also don't care if I die or what rank I am. Thanks so much. Stryker <font color="Black">COMMMy Stuff 23:51, 20 May 2007 (UTC)