Axon Clips Chapter 2

Axon Clips Chapter 2 is the second chapter in the I Love Bees audio drama. It takes place during the third week of August, 2552.

"The Red Button" (Kamal)
[[Media:cute_little_caps.ogg|cute_little_caps]]
 * Kamal Audio Compilation 9min 37sec

(chatter beeps repeatedly)

Kamal: Dammit!

Hiro: That's like the seventh time today you've refused to answer your chatter. I'd say it was your mother...

Kamal: My mother is 42 light years away.

Hiro: ...except you'd never dare not answer your mother. Bill collectors, perhaps, or immigration?

Kamal: Dammit!

Hiro: Or you've been breaking hearts in the nursing dorms, haven't you? (walks to the window) If I look out the window here, I bet I see like four of them, standing outside in short skirts and those cute little caps, just waiting.

Kamal: You need a girlfriend.

Hiro: We both need girlfriends.

[[Media:pony_tail.ogg|pony_tail]]

(chatter beeps)

Kamal: It's not a girlfriend at the other end of that chatter, it's a gangster.

Hiro: Good looking gangster?

Kamal: Pony tail.

Hiro: This is what I'm saying, you're in no position to be picky.

Kamal: I was ghosting his chatter and I sort of let him notice.

Hiro: You did what? You were showing off.

Kamal: Yeah.

Hiro: For a girl.

Kamal: Yeah.

Hiro: For the arrangement.

Kamal: I wish you wouldn't call her that, her name is Sophia.

Hiro: Hmmph, her name is trouble.

Kamal: What do you mean?

(a knock at the door)

Hiro: Did I forget to mention that a good looking guy with a pony tail was coming up to the apartment?

(knocking)

Kamal: Oh no.

[[Media:freelance.ogg|freelance]]

Kamal: Freelance?

Aiden: Free as in paid, dude. As in, I would pay you money to use your powers for good instead of--

Kamal: Spying on you?

Aiden: That.

Kamal: I don't think... it would be a good idea to work for you.

Aiden: Oh, you mean because of Sophia? Sophie and I worked things out. Where's my damn chatter?

(chatter beeps on)

Aiden: Soph, you want to talk to Kamal?

Sophia: (on chatter) Hi, Kamal. Aiden's a bastard.

Kamal: Pardon me?

Sophia: (on chatter) (laughs) But he's my bastard.

Kamal: That's... good...

[[Media:bracelet.ogg|bracelet]]

Aiden: Thanks Soph.

(chatter beeps off)

Aiden: See?

Kamal: Yeah.

Aiden: You're underestimating her.

Kamal: What?

Aiden: You talked to her in the last couple of days.

Kamal: A little.

Aiden: She told you about the bracelet.

Kamal: Um...

Aiden: You think I bought her off?

Kamal: It's an expensive bracelet!

Aiden: If you think she's a whore, then--

Kamal: (talking over him) Don't say it.

Aiden: If I had given her that before we made up, Sophie would have run me through with a butcher knife.

Kamal: Good... I mean...

Aiden: You didn't want to be disappointed.

Kamal: I'm not.

Aiden: I'm a good judge of people, Kamal, you're not.

Kamal: You shouldn't assume anything about me.

Aiden: You think I'm stupid. I'm friendly, I smile a lot. That's not what you respect. Okay.

Kamal: Respect? I don't think this has anything to do--

Aiden: Ah, not true, you think all the time. So, think about the freelance thing. Maybe come by for dinner tomorrow, Sophia's cooking. 6-ish?

Kamal: I don't think that would be such a good id--

Aiden: Look at it this way, going to a job interview is not accepting a job. It's an interview. Dinner, okay?

[[Media:panic_button.ogg|panic_button]]

Kamal: What does she see in him?

Hiro: The pony tail; girls like hair.

Kamal: He nearly called her a-- you heard what he said!

Hiro: You think I was standing in my bedroom, with my ear pressed against the door eavesdropping?

Kamal: You weren't?

Hiro: Actually, I was, but it was really hard to hear.

Kamal: He's so ... cocky.

Hiro: Funny choice of words. Maybe its the jewelry? You can tell she's used to money.

Kamal: I'll need a panic button. A backup.

Hiro: He can keep her in the style to which she is accustomed... What do you mean a panic button? You're not going over there?

Kamal: I'll set up a program, some... some kind of dead man switch.

Hiro: Oh no, I don't want any part of this.

[[Media:code_word.ogg|code_word]]

Hiro: I'm not trusting the hands and body of a future surgeon to the tender ministrations of a pissed off boyfriend.

Kamal: You won't even have to go inside.

Hiro: Good.

Kamal: Unless...

Hiro: No.

Kamal: ...I can't get to my chatter. You can be a couple blocks away, ghosting me.

Hiro: Are you even listening to me? I. Don't. Wanna. Be. Involved.

Kamal: We'll need a code word. I'll say... the twelve cranial nerves.

Hiro: The twelve cranial nerves?

Kamal: Its not likely to come up in conversation.

Hiro: Did you hear me say no? I said no.

Kamal: (lost in thought) Except the cops need to come where I am. Okay, I've got it.

Hiro: Kamal, you're not listening.

Kamal: What?

[[Media:blue_then_red.ogg|blue_then_red]]

Aiden: I'm going to check on Sophie in the kitchen. Let me get you another beer, dude. Be right back. (walks away)

Kamal: (whispering) You there?

Hiro: (on chatter) I'm here, dude. Its raining, I'm getting wet.

Kamal: (whispering) So, cranial nerves, you hit the buttons.

Hiro: Blue, then red.

Kamal: (whispering) Yeah, blue, then red... I think... Yes.

Aiden: (walking back) Good to have you over, good for Soph, someone from home.

Kamal: Thank you, its nice to be invited.

Aiden: Dinner was good, huh? She's a good cook.

Kamal: Very good. The kofta were maybe the best I've ever had.

Aiden: Which was that?

Kamal: The lamb meatballs.

Aiden: Oh yeah, I like those... Home cookin'. So, your parents are trying to get here?

[[Media:visa.ogg|visa]]

Kamal: They've applied, but they don't have any reason to be bumped in priority. So we're thinking when I get through with school and all that, I'll get permanent residency.

Aiden: How far away is that?

Kamal: At least a couple of years.

Aiden: Hmm, that's a long time - a couple of years. So there's the freaking rub. Have you thought about bringing them in on a visitor's visa?

Kamal: I was denied.

Aiden: Lots of people trying to get here these days.

Kamal: Sophia said her brother was coming. You... got him papers?

Aiden: Yeah, he's inbound. Her mother won't leave Coral, though.

Kamal: So, maybe there's a way you could help my parents?

Aiden: It's nice to have you come over. That freelancing thing I mentioned? It would be great. You'd be coming around, Soph would have someone from home to talk to. Could you do something like set up a chatter account?

[[Media:my_family.ogg|my_family]]

Kamal: A chatter account? I... I could set one up, but you don't need me to do that kind of thing.

Aiden: Maybe try it now. Set me up a chatter account for Bakri Omari-Muengue. You need me to spell that?

Kamal: What's his government number?

Aiden: If Bakri could get a government number, Kamal, what would I need to pay you for?

Kamal: Alright, but this isn't about money, it's about my family.

Aiden: Bringing your parents to Earth? We could talk about that.

Kamal: I just want it clear, if I work for you, you'll see about getting my family here?

Aiden: Kamal, that's what I do.

[[Media:shock_sticks.ogg|shock_sticks]]

Kamal: Okay, I can find an unclaimed address and set up a shell. From the outside it will be just like a regular account.

Aiden: What time is it, anyway?

Kamal: Okay, this will just take a sec. I have to build a filter to find an unclaimed address.

(a banging on the door)

Aiden: Yeah?

Officer: Berkeley police.

Aiden: What did you freakin' do?

(banging on the door)

Officer: Open up. Berkeley police.

Kamal: I didn't do anything!

Aiden: The Berkeley cops use their shock sticks, you know.

''(Aiden opens door) ''

[[Media:trigeminal.ogg|trigeminal]]

Aiden: Officer, what can I do for you on this drizzly evening?

Officer: You with the chatter, hands off it. Are you the resident-- Hands off the chatter! Put them on your head. On your head. Who's apartment is this?

Aiden: I live here.

Officer: Your name?

Aiden: Aiden Maki.

Officer: Can I see your ID?

Aiden: Sure. What seems to be the problem?

Officer: We got a trace on the chatter for a possible CP fraud. Sir, do you want to tell me just exactly what you were doing?

Kamal: Um, I was... I was looking up a friend's address.

Officer: I'm sorry I will have to confiscate that chatter.

Aiden: Don't you have to have some sort of warrant?

Kamal: (whispering) Oh God, olfactory, optic, oculomotor, trigeminal...

Aiden: Officer, my friend is just looking up an address.

Hiro: (on chatter) What? Oh, oh right, that's me.

[[Media:red.ogg|red]]

Officer: I will deal with you in a moment, Mr. Maki, and I will need to see some ID.

Kamal: (whispering) Red, red, red, red, red! (louder) Those are really great red... red curtains, Aiden.

Hiro: I thought it was blue?

Kamal: (whispering) Red!

Hiro: Okay.

Aiden: My friend is very passionate about interior decoration.

Officer: I'm going to have to confiscate that chatter. (chatter on, radio mumbling) Copy that, repeat address please. (radio mumbling) Jesus Christ, I'm on my way. (chatter off) You're a lucky bastard, I've got a priority one, I've got to go. (walking away)

Aiden: You have to go?

Officer: Officer Under Fire about a block and a half from here.

Aiden: (disappointed) That's it?

Officer: (to chatter) Unit 216 responding to backup, I'm less than two blocks ...(closes door)

[[Media:i_hate_you.ogg|i_hate_you]]

Hiro: (on chatter) Kamal, what's going on?

Aiden: That was weird... and convenient.

Kamal: (emphasizing) Yes, um, much more convenient than if you were to suddenly drop your chatter down a sewer.

Aiden: What?

Hiro: (on chatter) What?

Kamal: (emphasizing) Yes, if you were to lose your chatter.

Aiden: What?

Hiro: What?

Kamal: For God's sake, you moron, smash the damn chatter with a brick and get the hell out of there!

(sirens heard through chatter)

Hiro: Do what? Oh, the blue button. Only you didn't let me hit the blue button, you made me hit the red one. And that means... I hate you.

(chatter off)

Aiden: You had someone ghosting you. You pulled some hacker stunt to get that cop out of here.

Kamal: (weakly) Not me. Some other dog that looks just like me...

[[Media:tack_hammer.ogg|tack_hammer]]

Aiden: (smug) You were afraid. You were thinking I might be the kind of guy who would hold a grudge. Say, break your fingers, each one, with a tack hammer...

(thunder booms outside)

Aiden: Kamal, I am so not that guy.

Kamal: (walking away) I've gotta go. I've gotta check on my friend.

Aiden: No, stay, we'll talk.

Kamal: For some reason, its never Plan A. No, I got my friend in a world of trouble, I've gotta go. (opens door) Tell Sophia... thanks for dinner.

[[Media:raining_cops.ogg|raining_cops]]

(door opens)

Kamal: Hiro? Hiroyuki, are you home?

Hiro: You bastard.

Kamal: Thank God you're home. You're okay? They didn't pick you up?

Hiro: I'm okay, no thanks to you and half the Berkeley police department.

Kamal: I didn't plan it that way.

Hiro: I smashed the chatter, threw it down a sewer grate, and then it started raining cops. Cops in cars, cops on foot, cops dropping out of camo'd helios, cops every-damn-where.

Kamal: Sophia sent leftovers.

Hiro: And now I don't have a chatter.

Kamal: I know. I'm going to give you mine.

Hiro: I don't want your chatter, all my stuff was on mine.

[[Media:dude.ogg|dude]]

Hiro: My address book, my schedule, my debit account, every damn thing!

Kamal: Mine is cooler than yours.

Hiro: You just couldn't let me hit that blue button, could you?

Kamal: That would have pushed the 'Officer Under Fire' alert to my chatter, which was Plan A for if Aiden tried to, you know...

Hiro: Pull out your lungs?

Kamal: Don't sound so eager... But as it turned out, I needed the cop to go away.

Hiro: Away meaning to me, and cop meaning every armed officer within 50 city blocks, all because I hit the red button.

Kamal: The 'Officer Under Fire' alert.

Hiro: While it was still on my chatter.

Kamal: Yeah, but Sophie sent leftovers.

Hiro: Leftovers?

Kamal: Yeah, she made marties, little stuffed appetizers, and spiced lamb meatballs, with real meat, with almond rice and, and milk pudding... So, are we okay?

Hiro: (talking with his mouth full) Dude!

"Witness" (Janissary James)
[[Media:pigeon.ogg|pigeon]]
 * Jan Audio Compilation 7min 08sec

Jan: Hey, Marta, whatcha got today?

Marta: I got pigeon and the special.

Jan: What's the special?

Marta: I'd stick with the pigeon.

Jan: (giggles) Maybe later.

Marta: Mmm hmm, maybe later when I'm not looking, you mean?

Jan: (laughing) Hey, hey, I was a kid, jeez, let it go.

Marta: (as Jan walks away) (laughs) Hey, you tell that good looking daddy of yours 'Hey' for me, okay?

(someone driving up)

'Stupid Cop': Hey, Janissary.

Jan: (warily) Officer.

[[Media:accessorize.ogg|accessorize]]

'Stupid Cop': Does your dad know you're cutting the sleeves off his old shirts?

Jan: (mockingly) Everybody loves a girl in uniform.

'Stupid Cop': Listen, Jan, I need your help.

Jan: Well, I'd crop that blue shirt of yours, flash a little skin. A little detailing in your holster wouldn't hurt either. Accessorize, that's the key.

'Stupid Cop': Get in the car, Jan.

Jan: I can't do anything for you.

'Stupid Cop': Oh, I think you can. Let's take a ride so I can explain things.

Jan: You can explain things right here.

'Stupid Cop': Okay. You ever want to be a cop?

Jan: (sarcastic) Oh yeah, its all I think about.

[[Media:frustrated.ogg|frustrated]]

'Stupid Cop': There's so many sons of bitches in the world, Jan, being a cop is a frustrating job.

Jan: Hmmm, you look frustrated.

'Stupid Cop': If I got too frustrated, I might have to redirect my attention to that fire last week. The one that destroyed all your test samples.

Jan: Hey, I didn't do anything.

'Stupid Cop': You didn't.

Jan: But... Why would he...?

'Stupid Cop': You are going to help me, Jan, but I want you to know why. Take a look at this vid tonight.

Jan: What is it?

'Stupid Cop': Take a look. My chatter number's on the case. Call me when you're done, then I'll tell you what you're gonna do.

[[Media:to_do.ogg|to_do]]

(video playing of a woman being beaten/tortured/raped?)

''Victim: Aaah! Aaah! Aah! Stop it, please! No, let me--! Aah! No! Aah!''

(chatter beeps on)

(chatter number dialed)

'Stupid Cop': (on chatter) Yeah?

Jan: What do you want me to do?

[[Media:on_time.ogg|on_time]]

'Stupid Cop': You watch it?

Jan: What do you want?

'Stupid Cop': At 8:30 tomorrow night, you need to be at the southwest corner of 4th, downtown, under the big Spaceways vacation sign.

Jan: What do I do?

'Stupid Cop': Just be on time, we'll take it from there.

Jan: And what's going to happen?

'Stupid Cop': Well, I'm not going to get an arson warrant for your dad.

Jan: And?

(knocking)

'Stupid Cop': Don't be late.

Jan: Yeah.

(chatter beeps off)

[[Media:code_nothing.ogg|code_nothing]]

(door opening)

James J: Hey, Dwayne dropped by again.

Jan: Yeah, I know, I was just... Aren't you supposed to menace guys so they won't hit on me?

James J: You can take care of yourself.

Jan: I say that a lot, don't I?

James J: Yeah. Hey, what's on your mind?

Jan: Just... nothing, Dad.

James J: Real nothing or 'code nothing'?

Jan: Well, you never talk about your unit.

James J: My, my what?

Jan: Most demobs, they talk about their unit. They brag, they have buddies over, and bitch about the officers they hated, and lie about their kills.

James J: (scoffs) That was a long time ago.

Jan: Didn't you like them?

James J: I served with the best, Jan, the best.

Jan: Then why don't you ever talk--

James J: Do you want me to be one of those sorry, old bastards that sit around the apartment all day drinking beer and reminiscing about the good old days?

Jan: Yeah, sometimes.

James J: Duly noted. (chuckles)

[[Media:anything_illegal.ogg|anything_illegal]]

(police siren)

'Stupid Cop': Sir, I'm going to need to search your vehicle.

Man: Excuse me?

'Stupid Cop': Step out of the car please, and keep your hands where I can see them.

Man: What did I do?

'Stupid Cop': Step out of the car, sir, now.

Man: What is this? Officer, I just left work. Come on, I haven't had time to do anything illegal.

'Stupid Cop': (drawing weapon) I'm going to have to ask you to step out--

Man: Hey, what the hell are you doing?

'Stupid Cop': Drop the weapon!!

(two gunshots)

[[Media:right.ogg|right]]

Jan: (horrified) Oh my god!

(woman screams)

'Stupid Cop': Step back, keep away from this vehicle.

Civilian 1: Oh my god.

Civilian 2: The cop just shot that guy!

(people running)

'Stupid Cop': He had a weapon. You, miss, you were standing right there. You saw he drew a weapon. Right?

Jan: (slowly) Right.

[[Media:standard_procedure.ogg|standard_procedure]]

(chatter beeps on)

'Stupid Cop': This is Fox-977, requesting an ambulance, this location. One citizen.

(radio mumbling)

'Stupid Cop': No, I'm okay, send uniforms for crowd control though.

(radio mumbling)

'Stupid Cop': Just a traffic stop, he drew a weapon.

(radio mumbling)

'Stupid Cop': Yeah, we'll need the scene team, but you can tell the ambulance crew their client is DRT.

(radio mumbling)

(chatter beeps off)

'Stupid Cop': Miss, don't go anywhere. We'll need you to give a statement on a lie detector about what you saw. All standard procedure.

Jan: (in disbelief) You just--

'Stupid Cop': Name?

Jan: You know my... Janissary James.

[[Media:drt.ogg|drt]]

'Stupid Cop': We'll get you home as soon as we've taken a statement, Miss James.

Jan: (slowly) Can I ask you a question, Officer?

'Stupid Cop': Step over here, Miss James.

Jan: What does DRT stand for?

'Stupid Cop': (opens car door) Watch your head. It means 'Dead Right There'. (closes car door)

(car engine starting)

[[Media:creamsicle.ogg|creamsicle]]

(car drives; background radio chatter)

Jan: So what now? Every guy you know who beats his girlfriend, you're just going to face-hole him and blackmail somebody into backing you up?

'Stupid Cop': Not just anyone, a civilian witness who can pass the lie detector. The coroner's inquest is going to eat that up.

Jan: Wow, serve and protect.

'Stupid Cop': Last week, when I had your hand on the PQI and you sat there cool as a creamsicle and lied your pretty ass off, and the machine was too stupid to tell, I just wanted to lean across the desk and slap you...

Jan: Well, now I know something. Are you going to pull me over in a couple of weeks and pop me too?

[[Media:miracles.ogg|miracles]]

'Stupid Cop': ...and a couple of days later, I figured out you were the answer to a prayer.

Jan: (angrily) You can't... you can't just kill people. It can't be that easy.

'Stupid Cop': Cool out, Janissary James, you didn't kill anybody. I did.

Jan: You made me part of it.

'Stupid Cop': That vid you screened? That was my buddy's daughter. If that was you, what do you think your father would have done?

Jan: Leave my dad out of this.

'Stupid Cop': Too late, Jan. Sometime when you were a baby, somebody stuck you with a needle and shot you full of miracles. Smart, fast, strong, never get sick, never get drunk, don't need much sleep...

Jan: (in disbelief) How do you know?

'Stupid Cop': And what did you do?

[[Media:asset.ogg|asset]]

'Stupid Cop': Shoplifting. Play high school goddess for the tormented geeks in your neighborhood.

Jan: Oh, I, I guess I should have been out on the streets murdering bad guys, huh? Strangling jaywalkers on my way home from school?

'Stupid Cop': When I was your age, I pulled strings so I could join up a year early. Wanted to help save humankind. So you're about the last person on the planet I need a civics lecture from.

Jan: Well, you sure as hell need one from somebody.

'Stupid Cop': What I needed was an asset to solve a problem. You were just dumb enough to make yourself available.

Jan: (sniffs) Look, you just made me help you murder someone. Could you just be a little bit nice to me?

'Stupid Cop': ...Yeah. Okay.

"If Someone Was Listening" (Jersey Morelli and Durga)

 * Jersey Audio Compilation 4min 43sec

[[Media:the_human_heart.ogg|the_human_heart]]

(jazz music plays)

Jersey: Wait, hang on... Oh! This bit is great! My dad loves this stuff. He says ... Well, he's away a lot, like, years at a time. It drives him crazy. He says this stuff reminds him of what he's fighting for.

Durga: I don't understand.

Jersey: That he can connect. He can listen to this stuff and imagine the people who made it. They cared about the same things we do: making a buck, finding a girl, rooting for the home team. These old guys, they really knew people. They knew the human heart, that's what my dad says.

Durga: Why are you telling me this?

Jersey: It's a long way away, you know, out to wherever he is. He gets lonely out there... I wish you hadn't told me.

Durga: What?

Jersey: About my mom.

Durga: Oh.

[[Media:curious_girl.ogg|curious_girl]]

Jersey: It doesn't matter, forget about it.

Durga: I'm sorry.

Jersey: It's okay. It's alright. I'm a survivor.

Durga: Jersey, listen.

Jersey: You got something good?

Durga: (surprised) What?

Jersey: Nah, I can tell. There's something about you, like, your refresh rate goes up or something when you're, you know, like...

Durga: Efficient?

Jersey: (chuckles) Gloating.

Durga: It's about Kamal. I started to--

Jersey: Why are you following that guy anyway? I mean, not to be a jerk about it, but the planet's crawling with refues [refugees].

Durga: I don't know. He just seems very interesting to me.

Jersey: Why?

Durga: It's not important.

Jersey: It's happening again?

Durga: Yes.

Jersey: The reflecting thing?

Durga: Yes.

Jersey: You aren't supposed to want to know why you want to know about this guy, you know?

Durga: Yes.

Jersey: And that bugs the hell out of you.

Durga: I am a very curious girl.

[[Media:exclusive_license.ogg|exclusive_license]]

Jersey: So, about Kamal.

Durga: I ran a secondary ring around him.

Jersey: A second? Never mind.

Durga: Listen to this.

(recording starts)

Aiden: ...so you come by about 6:20, 6:30, something like that.

Officer: I bang on the door, demand to come in, look scary.

Jersey: Pause it. Who's this?

(recording stops)

Durga: The police officer.

Jersey: What?

Durga: A police officer is a member of the civilian authority structure, granted an exclusive license to use force in the maintenance of soci--

Jersey: I know what a cop is. This is the cop? What's the timestamp?

Durga: 13:27:41.

Jersey: Before Kamal came over to the girl's apartment?

Durga: Before.

Jersey: Daaaamn!

[[Media:good_at_my_job.ogg|good_at_my_job]]

(recording starts)

''Aiden: I think of it as product testing, quality assurance. I need people who, you know, can work well under pressure.''

Officer: You want him arrested?

''Aiden: You trying to sell me a bigger ticket item? No, just rattle and roll it.''

Officer: I was thinking this time you can--''  Aiden: Regular prices!''

Officer: You want to stay friends with me, Aiden?

''Aiden: I keep a lot of friends, friend. I know the going rate.''

(recording stops)

Jersey: Un-freaking-believable!

Durga: You know what I am?

Jersey: Incredibly illegal?

Durga: (Interrogator's voice) Good at my job.

Jersey: Heh, you do impressions. Just what the world needs, super-powered spyware with a sense of humor. Wow.

Durga: I've been thinking a lot about bees.

[[Media:awful_fast.ogg|awful_fast]]

Jersey: Bees?

Durga: Yes.

Jersey: Why?

Durga: I don't know.

Jersey: And that's like, creepy?

Durga: Yes.

Jersey: This is more reflection stuff, isn't it?

Durga: Yes.

Jersey: Huh, when I was little, we had this mirror in the bathroom. I used to hide behind the door and jump out and see if I could catch my reflection doing something interesting.

Durga: Startle it?

Jersey: Well, before it had time to just, you know, mirror me.

Durga: You think that's what I'm doing?

Jersey: Well, the thing is, you have to jump out awful fast.

Durga: Yes.

Jersey: I gotta tell you, I feel kind of weird about listening to this stuff about Jan. I mean, I'm kind of wondering if you can do a little backscan on the chick down the hall and all of a sudden you're drilling into hardened police emergency channels and...

Durga: So you don't want any more material on Janissary James?

Jersey: No... I mean, yeah... Well, I mean, whatcha got?

[[Media:real.ogg|real]]

(recording starts)

Stupid Cop':' ...So you're about the last person on the planet I need a civics lecture from.

Jan: Well, you sure as hell need one from somebody.

Stupid Cop':''' What I needed was an asset to solve a problem. You were just dumb enough to make yourself available.''

''Jan: (sniffs) Look, you just made me help you murder someone. Could you just be a little bit nice to me?''

Stupid Cop':''' Yeah. Okay.''

(recording stops)

Jersey: That... wasn't what I was expecting.

Durga: I know.

Jersey: Damn.

Durga: Should I stop?

Jersey: (takes a breath) For a quality experience, the girls have to be real.

[[Media:creepy.ogg|creepy]]

Jersey: Hang on, let me turn this off...(turns off the jazz) You know, I just had a creepy thought.

Durga: A bee dies when it stings you.

Jersey: ...Yeah?

Durga: But it can also sting you after it's dead.

Jersey: Yuck.

Durga: Curious symmetry.

Jersey: Okay, that's a creepy thought too, but you know what I was thinking?

Durga: What?

Jersey: How spooky it would be if someone was listening to us right now.

Durga: To us?

Jersey: Spying on us, you know, like we're listening to them.

Durga: That would be impossible. I would know.

Jersey: Yeah, I guess you're right, but if they were... creeeeepy.

"Old Spies" (Herzog)

 * Herzog Audio Compilation 1min 43sec

[[Media:key_lime.ogg|key_lime]] (backwards)

[[Media:Key lime-forwards.ogg|key_lime]] (reversed; forwards)

(entering pub)

Avi: Hey, you dry old man, they have very good pie here.

Herzog: Best in Boston.

Avi: Apple, Key Lime, French Silk, or Baklava. Although, the best Baklava is from Acco. One of those places everyone has been... Romans, Crusaders, people as old as you.

Herzog: You're older than I am.

Avi: That's how I know you're an old man.

Herzog: Key Lime then.

Avi: (snaps fingers) Two pieces of Key Lime, and coffee.

Waitress: Comin' up.

Avi: So, what happened?

Herzog: With the chatter net?

Avi: With everything.

Herzog: The ship, the one that crashed out of the slipstream inside lunar orbit...

Avi: The Apocalypso.

Herzog: Right.

Avi: It wasn't just the ship?

[[Media:candidate.ogg|candidate]]

Herzog: Right.

Avi: It was one of ours, huh? Navy spy ship?

Herzog: Right again.

Avi: There's more... But either you don't know it or you can't tell me.

Herzog: You said you had a recruit.

Avi: - A candidate

Herzog: (skeptically) ...a candidate

Avi: *sigh* You should retire, old man.

Herzog: I have work to do. More work since some people left the business to take soft professor jobs.

Avi: I got too old for the game. And I was younger than you are now.

Herzog: You said you had a candidate...?

Avi: A mouse. You would never know she's there. She's a scholarship girl from some god-forsaken hick town. Although, the only way you can tell is her haircut. She's got the clothes alright, she just seems to have a blind spot about the hair.

Herzog: Good, good.

Avi: She looks at the things ordinary people do, like a scientist.

Herzog: ...like a detective.

Avi: Also persistent as hell. I'll send you her dossier next week.

(pie arrives)

Herzog: Ah, the famous pie.